One Year

So much has happened in the last year that some days it just blows my mind. Today is one of those days. Looking back I can clearly see God's hand in my life and I can see Him working out ALL the details. I couldn't at the time and little things that annoyed the heck out of me turned out to be things that would work to my advantage later. I wish I knew enough to just trust God then and not stress so much. This morning I was walking and just enjoying the beauty of Oklahoma. I really love the trees:-) I guess I should tell you I am one of those people that remembers things in detail so I can tell you what I was doing a year ago. Today I am in a very reflective mood so I have been replaying the last year in my head...A year ago today I was in Georgia looking around and deciding if that would be where I would start over. I had already been online looking at different states and trying to figure out what God wanted. My brother lives in North Georgia and offered to let us come look at some places around him. If I picked Georgia I would live near family and have that family support but it didn't feel right in my spirit. I can't explain it because it was the safest and most logical thing to do. Still I needed to know that what I was doing was God's will and I needed to feel that 100%...there was no room for doubt....The first thing I remember was being terrified of the mountains. I know some people look at the beauty of them but I was scared to death. I hated driving and not being able to see the road in front of you. We also went to Tennessee and up on Lookout Mountain... again I was terrified and just couldn't relax. I grew up in Florida so I didn't know how scared I was of heights lol I was able to mark Georgia and Tennessee off of my list. I am a planner so I was stressing out trying to decide where I was going. All I knew for certain was I couldn't stay in Florida. I also knew that any place with mountains wouldn't work. The map was getting smaller but I still didn't know where I was going and I desperately wanted God's will. There was no way I could move 3 kids by myself without knowing this was God's will. I needed His blessing and His protection so it had to be from Him. I remember being scared to death about doing this and wondering if it was the right thing to do. I also needed to prepare so I started an "escape fund". On March 29th of last year I deposited my first few dollars in it:-) One year ago I didn't know I would be sitting in Oklahoma. One year ago I didn't realize how much my life would change and how much *I* would change. I know I still have a LONG way to go but I am growing and I am learning to trust God. I am learning to let go and for me that is HUGE. One year ago I also didn't think I had the courage to actually leave. I knew I wanted to and I knew I needed to but I didn't think I could do it. I knew *I* didn't have the strength and I wasn't sure how that whole "I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me" worked. Today I can sit here and say that God has taken care of ALL of the details and not all of them I can share right now. One day I will be able to and then you can see how much God has been there for us and has directed our path. God has shown Himself to my children and myself and even though my heart hurts I still feel blessed. I can't believe HOW much has changed in just one year. It makes me wonder where I will be in one year from now....I do know I have hope and one year ago I didn't think so...so much has changed:-)

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Thank you Father for directing our path...thank you for bringing us to Oklahoma and giving us a wonderful church as our covering....thank you for the friends that truly make this easier...thank you for just loving us so much and caring about ALL the details.... I love You!

Visitation

Once again I find myself apologizing for not answering mail...I KNOW you guys care and I appreciate your prayers and supportive emails more than you know...I just can't always bring myself to answer them because when I start opening up I start crying (like I am doing right now lol)...please don't take my silence as meaning I don't care because I do. I just don't know how to do this right now and breaking down isn't going to help. My kids Dad came in town Sunday night and wanted to spend Monday with the kids. We are in the process of getting divorced and deciding custody so I was worried he would take the kids and run. It is something he has threatened in the past so it isn't like I am just being paranoid. The fighting started before he even made it into town because I didn't feel comfortable with the kids staying overnight at the hotel. To get them ready I took recent pics, weighed/measured them, made sure I knew what they were wearing and took Daddy's license plate number down. We had a solid time for him to return them and I knew I wouldn't breathe until I had my babies back. Thankfully someone understood my heart and how hard this was for me and they took me to lunch and allowed me to spend the day with them. It was so nice to laugh even if I was crying inside. I stayed in touch with my oldest through text message so when I started panicking I could say hi and make sure they weren't on their way back to Florida. The kids were so excited about seeing their Dad but my middle child didn't want to go off without me. That made me sad. If one day was that HARD for me how am I supposed to do a whole summer or a few weeks??...ok can't go there yet....but thanks to a wonderful friend I didn't pace the floors. I didn't have to do this alone and that was such a blessing. She didn't let me cry because she made me laugh.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
I am thankful today that I have my children back with me safe and sound..I am thankful that God has placed people in my life that have been there for me and I pray He blesses them beyond measure because I know in this lifetime *I* could never repay them. I am thankful that I have a lawyer that will be going to court with me in less than 3 weeks. I am thankful that when I am quiet ya'll email or IM to check on me. I am thankful but I am also scared about the unknown. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and patience with me. This is hard...

Psalm 91 (New International Version)

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Trees

Aren't these so pretty??? They are EVERYWHERE! I am so used to seeing just green when I drive so things like hay like colored grass, open fields and now WHITE trees just stand out. March in Florida was always fun because it was the only time you could see lots of color and this pic shows the azaleas that were in bloom.

Since this is my first spring here I don't know what to expect so every day is exciting. So far the trees alone are fascinating to me lol I am loving the whole white tree thing! I have one tree in my front yard that is still bare so I can't wait to see what grows on it! Today I had to go shopping..yes, I have the flu but things still have to happen so no fussing:-P As I was driving to the store I couldn't help but stare at the trees...this is just a bonus to living in the "promised land"...fall has always been my favorite season but spring here might change that:-D

*****UPDATE I didn't get to lay around and doing nothing like I planned because the oldest needed to see a Dr. So it is 5:30 and we just got home from the Dr and pharmacy. After having swabs stuck up the nose it has been confirmed it IS the flu:( Four scripts of Tamiflu, Advair and Albuterol I am now ready to cook dinner, do baths, start laundry, run the vacuum and hopefully get kids in bed by 8 I will then lay down but now I am too tired to cry. I guess that is a good thing....


I have decided that being sick while single is some kind of cruel joke. It is even worse when the one child that could have possibly helped is sick too. The list of things to do this week is getting longer and I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I have to go to work because bills don't stop just because I am sick:-( If you are looking for me this afternoon I will be laying on the couch with a remote doing nothing and stressing about all that needs to be done....and trying not to cry.

New Site

The Covering has moved! Thanks to Heather at Graced by Christ we have a real domain name and a very pretty site:-) For those who don't know it is a blog written by singles for singles. Some are single because of death, incarceration, deployment or divorce like myself... Different reasons but same God:-) So come check out the new site at The Covering~ for Single Parents and meet some really amazing women like Ame, lizzie, martie and winter...I know I have already been blessed by these women. It is amazing how God can take something so painful and use it for good...hmm sounds like that ALL things work together for good thang;-)

My Kids

Some days I can sit and watch my kids and just see their personalities...my 7yo dd is a lot like her Mama but she does things that remind me of her Grandma Elaine that passed away. Her Grandma was very anal about cleaning and I am not...don't get me wrong I like a clean house but I don't follow my kids about with Windex like she did lol My almost 10yo is an artist and sees the world differently than we do and I am always amazed at the things that come out of his mouth. My 13yo is a mix of his Daddy and myself and tends to be sarcastic like both of us. I like sarcasm so that is a good thing;-) Now that you know a little about them I want to share a conversation that actually happened in our house last night.

DD(talking fast)--Ok I have a plan...tomorrow when we get home we will all have something to drink...then we will have a snack..then we will go into the boys room and take all of their clothes out of their drawers and closet and organize them...we can give away the clothes that don't fit...do you know anyone that size? well, that doesn't matter right now...so when we finish their room we will go into mine...we can do mine last since I am just one person.

Me--when am I supposed to cook dinner?

DD--you can start it when you come home or we could go through a drive thru or call out.

Boys are laughing and I am just shocked that she has put this much thought into it and she was VERY serious. Remember she is only 7

Me--that sounds like a spring break project and not something I really want to do when I get off work ok?

DD--ok but we NEED to do it because the clothes in their drawers are not folded right

Me--yeah I need to do it anyway because spring is coming and I need to find their shorts

9yo DS--Oh my God E! now we have to clean during spring break!

DD- we say GOSH...I am pretty sure this came with an eyeroll too because they were already fussing at each other earlier.

13yo--why DO people say God when they don't believe in Him? why don't they say oh my budda? or oh my scientist? or oh my monkeys? .......

9yo (shaking head)--I have seen the video of my birth and I know it was me so I KNOW I am not adopted but sometimes I wonder

Oops!

I promised an update and when I checked email this morning I was reminded I didn't give you one:-) Sorry! This week has just been busy. Nothing major just life...I have been playing catch up since the kids have been sick on and off for what seems like forever...I think it was more like 3 weeks but gosh they couldn't do it all at once lol I would get one better and the other would get sick! Not only do I hate seeing my kids sick but it was also frustrating because I have to work.

Monday we went to counseling DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups and as much as *I* hate going it turned out to be something I needed. I was given some much needed encouragement.

Tuesday I was given the opportunity to love on a friend and her family. Her brother had open heart surgery and is doing wonderfully.

Wednesday I had my class on The Jesus I Never Knew and that has been a blessing too. I truly love my church and the people in it...oh and I can't forget this!! Wednesday night one of the teens from my school came to church. This is a girl who has told me she was an atheist and wouldn't come...I just know I serve a big God so I didn't let that stop me lol Wednesday night she came and when I took her home that night I was able to talk to her more in depth....I think she found the love and acceptance she has been so desperately seeking. Thursday she came to school with a tshirt from the youth group and Friday she had "I love Jesus" written on her hand:**) Oh and want to see how God has truly made my world a little smaller...I know I shared with ya'll that when I moved here I moved away from my entire family. I do have a friend that lives here that I met online 7 1/2 yrs ago....different city but still close enough;-) Since I have been online since the early 90's I have friends in just about every state but she was special so I was thrilled when God asked me to move here. Well, the friend of mine whose brother had open heart surgery on Tuesday has known my friend here longer than I have and loves her just as much:-) They attended the same church for I think 10yrs but her brother that had the surgey actually goes to MY church...cool huh? So when I called to let my church know he was in the hospital and was going to have surgery they were like "how do YOU know him?" guess it seems weird that this girl from Florida actually knows his family. I explained that I work with his sister. I am sure God knew all of this before I moved here but I thought it was cool that I work with a woman who has known my dear friend for years and that her brother attends my church...before you think that is just a coincidence let me remind you that Oklahoma has a church on EVERY corner so it isn't like these are the only two churches here:-) Here is the other part I thought was just SO GOD...Friday I was telling her about my little atheist girl and when I mentioned her name she knew her and just teared up...she shared with me some things that I won't share here without her permission but know that God is working in the school and it is a beautiful thing to watch....what an opportuinity to share the gospel with 2000 students. I just feel blessed to be a part of it.

Thursday my middle child had a play at school...too cute!!

Friday night I was able to..wait I already typed this out here ----> The Covering ~ for Single Parents: Starbucks and Kids:-)
Which brings me to this..I know I have some people that read here that are single and if I haven't shared with you this site here ya go The Covering The wonderful Ame has started a blog for singles written by singles. If you haven't already checked it out go now. We are all single for different reason but we all serve the same God. Enjoy your weekend!!

Things have been crazy busy and I will try to update when I get back from my son's play. I did want to share this with you:-)

Dear Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.
PERMISSION TO COPY:The printed version of Father's Love Letter can be copied and used for free distribution providing the following copyright information is displayed... 'Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999-2006 www.FathersLoveLetter.com'

A Hushed Heart

If you ever wondered where I came up with the name for my blog here ya go....Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE music. I am also a huge fan of Casting Crowns:-) This song is how I feel a lot of the time

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear
You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Some days I wonder why God doesn't just change my circumstances...surely I didn't ask for all of this. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and Mother....did I somehow do something to deserve this? Wasn't my love enough? Wasn't I enough? Then I realize it isn't my circumstances that need changing it is my heart. I was created in the image of God so I was enough. I am an heiress and the princess to the most high God. I am not saying I don't have to take responsibility but in my situation what happened wasn't even about me... it is about them and their heart. I can't change that but I can change me and how I react to this. It is hard for me to realize that but now that I am out of the situation and their behavior is the same with others I can see it has nothing to do with me...it is something that will continue in their life until they realize it is a problem. What I am learning is I can have peace even in the midst of the storm. Peace isn't the absence of trouble. The scriptures say that in this world you are going to have trouble so I wasn't promised an easy life. I was promised peace if I put my faith in God. I don't need to put my faith in what I see or feel but in what I believe. I believe the Word of God. Philippians 4:6-7 say Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I haven't always had that peace and those closest to me know that. I can be hard to deal with at times because I don't know what to do with all of my emotions that go with divorce and some days I lash out hurting those I love the most:-( Then when I finally give up and fall at my Fathers feet peace comes...it comes when I finally release the need to God. I have a hearing in April and you would think I would be troubled but instead I have peace....peace that passes understanding:-) I know that God has directed my steps and as long as I continue seeking Him He will. He knows my needs even before I know them. I also have a peace because the truth never changes so I don't have to prepare. I have also been reading the Psalms lately and I have found so much comfort in them. So when I go in April it doesn't matter what things they are plotting against me because
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I WILL praise You in the storm... Thank you for loving us and for continually taking care of our needs. Thank you for this peace that passes understanding...it feels good to have a hushed heart. I love you.....

I thought I would ask ya'lls advice on something...I am looking for a new Bible. I have always been a KJV person but I really want an NIV. My church preaches out of one and I have been reading my dds bible that was from her grandma. It is like reading it for the first time. I have a KJV Open Bible and I have had it for 20yrs now. It still has my maiden name on it lol Now I want a new one but this time I think I will just put Barbie on it with no last name:-) I have the option of going back to my maiden name when the divorce is final but I won't for a couple of reasons....one I like that the kids and I have the same last name and the other is I can't just forget the last 17 yrs happened. Anyway, I am looking for a NIV and was wondering if anyone had a favorite out there?? Thanks!

What an insane week...The older I get the more my body acts like a teenager and PMS has gotten U.G.L.Y! I haven't been this hormonal since I was a teen. The timing couldn't have been worse either! My soon to be ex was served on Saturday and things got crazy from there..funny the worst part was reading things from his sister and her insane ramblings about things she has NO clue about. It is sad that things can't just be between him and I:( I was not married to his family so they should stay out of it but her minding her own business was never a strong point of hers. It was to the point that I was ready to have a restraining order placed on her. I think I bit a hole in my tongue with the things I wanted to say. Shutting up has never been MY strong point but I am growing because I really didn't say the things I wanted to lol Things between him and I are strained but we ARE talking because he knows the truth. He may not be happy with Oklahoma laws but he knows the truth. I think in the end we will still be friends for the kids sake. Fortunately LONG distance friends:-D
God has a funny sense of humor also and for some reason has asked me to step out of my comfort zone so many times in the last year. Sunday He knew I needed to be reminded of a few things so I was asked to speak in front of my Sunday School class...I was asked 5 min before the class started so I didn't even have time to properly freak out! This is a class of mostly older people so I was very nervous. God was with me because I didn't pass out;-)Public speaking is so not for me lol
Monday night we went to counseling. I have never doubted the decision to move here. I believe this is where God called me and I have always had a peace about that even when things were rough. Monday night I spoke with the kids counselors withOUT the kids and told them what was going on. I told them about the injunction and the SIL and her threats. I have tried to protect the kids from knowing anything so the 2 little ones have no clue what is going on. The oldest knows some because I was worried about his Daddy calling and freaking out when he found out I filed but to my surprise he hasn't. They gave me great advice and after the classes the middle ones counselor gave me a paper..this one

This was supposed to be about visitation but my son decided to change it completely. He cracks me up:-) He said Sadness IS depressing so he wanted something funny. They were amused and so was I. Then on the way home my oldest asked why they were even IN counseling because the other kids had "real problems" and he told me some of what they talked about. My kids haven't had to deal with that stuff because we are so far away. The only fight here was when I had to call the police in Oct when their Dad was here but they were inside and missed it thank God! I feel like my kids have been protected and for that I am sooooooo thankful. They have a great support group at church and in counseling. Their comments Monday night confirmed my decision to come here. If we were in the same town things would never have been so calm. I felt blessed. Tuesday and Wednesday were a huge blur because PMS took over my body. It was so bad that Thursday I stayed home from work because I so needed a day to myself. Being single I have absolutely NO time for me. It is hard but so worth it. I wouldn't change being a Mom for anything and my kids are my life. Today I am finally feeling better so I figured I would take this opportunity to update ya'll:-) I do appreciate all of your prayers. I am so looking forward to this weekend:-) Hope you all have fun! Thanks again for all of your prayers and the card I got in the mail that was just so perfect:-) God Bless you all!

Remember when I wrote this post? Well, I can explain that now. I moved to Oklahoma on Aug 1st and to be a citizen you have to be here for 6 months. Feb 2nd was that day. I already had the papers drafted but was having such a hard time filing. I still love him and this is so final. It feels so real kwim? God knew I would need that extra push so when he called and told me that he was at Disney World when the tornadoes hit Florida I got mad. I am sitting here raising HIS 3 children with next to nothing from him and he has time and money to go to Disney World? Oh heck no! That was enough to make me drive downtown alone. So I ventured downtown and filed the divorce papers. At first I felt a sense of peace because Oklahoma now has jurisdiction and he can fight, scream, kick, throw a fit but he has to fight in Oklahoma with their laws. Then it hit me that 18 yrs of my life were spent with him. So that weekend I tortured myself and pulled out the pictures and old home movies and cried and I cried and I cried till I didn't think I could cry anymore...I did find out you never run out of tears:*( I don't think I got out of bed much on Saturday except to cook. I hate this. I filed the papers "pro se" which just means I did it on own. I did have attorney draft them but he did it as a favor and he isn't representing me...I was just in a time crunch and needed something right then. I saw a lawyer on Wed and she is just awesome. She closed her door, ignored the clock and we spent 2 hrs going over a game plan. She is going to represent me:-) I am so thankful that God has placed people in my path that are helping me with this. I found out sooooo many things that just make me love the state of Oklahoma even more. I am starting to see why God called me here. Did you know sin is still against the law here? Isn't that awesome!! He is being served today. He already knows it is coming and he is NOT happy. I had 195 text messages yesterday to prove how unhappy about this he is and my Mom was cussed out by him. He is a control freak and this just rocked his world. I don't think he ever thought *I* would file. Once he reads the papers it will get worse. Hopefully he will get a lawyer and we can do this quickly. I knew he would flip out and threaten to take the kids so I had an injunction in place so they can't leave Oklahoma until this is settled. It is going to get REAL ugly but I am trying to rest in the fact that God has directed my steps from the beginning...that God called me here for a reason...that God IS in control. When this is all over I will be able to share with you all the things that God has done. I can't say too much right now because I have family that reads here from both sides. That is why I had to wait till he knew to explain to ya'll why I was freaking out and not answering IMs or emails. I have had a hard time dealing with this and my heart is breaking in the process. Still I know this is the right thing to do even if it hurts:*( I can do this because I have too. I have to protect my children and I will at all cost. I know a lot of people thought I could do this without having to move half a country away but yesterday I was grateful we weren't in the same town....he was angry and threatening but I knew it takes two days to get here and he would calm down. I had time to get things in place to keep him from being able to take them out of school. I had time. If we were in the same city I wouldn't have had that and the kids would be in the middle. As it stands two don't even know what is going on...the oldest knows because he has a cell phone and Daddy might call so I had to explain to him that Daddy might be mad but this is Oklahoma law and I have no choice...I love living in the Bible Belt where things like the 7th commandment still mean something and my kids don't have to be exposed to it because "sin is still against the law in Oklahoma"

I know I can always count on my kids to make me laugh. Tonight I had to run to the store for a couple of things and I didn't feel like changing out of my sweats...I NEVER go out in sweats because I think they make me look fat lol Anyway, we get to the store and my oldest looks at me with a serious face and says.....

"Again with the sweatpants?"
"What? I'm comfortable."
"You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
- Jerry and George, in "The Pilot"

I cracked up! I know I have shared before that we quote Seinfeld but it was just so close to the truth tonight I laughed till my sides hurt.

BTW for those who have emailed me to check on me I am sorry I haven't answered emails...I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers. February is a hard month for me because it is not only Valentines Day but the anniversary of the day Billy and I met. It is really hard to spend 18 yrs of your life with someone and just turn off all those emotions...I wonder if we would have gone to Carrabbas again

or go walk on the riverwalk

It is very hard for me to not think about the past or what could have been. Some days it is hard enough to go through the motions of life and being a single Mom so I apologize if I have hurt anyones feelings by not answering or being there as much as I was before. One day things will get back to normal...I don't know when but that is my hope.

Ever have to do something that was just hard? I mean something that just made you want to crawl in bed, lay in a fetal position and give up? I found out this verse really is true

Philippians 4:13 (King James Version)
13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Of course, that made me think of my favorite group Casting Crowns so this song has been in my head lol

"In Me"

If you ask me to leap
Out of my boat on the crashing waves
If You ask me to go
Preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me

If You ask me to run
And carry Your light into foreign land
If You ask me to fight
Deliver Your people from Satan's hand

To reach out with Your hands
To learn through Your eyes
To love with the love of a savior
To feel with Your heart
And to think with Your mind
I'd give my last breath for Your glory
*******

Thank you Father for giving me the strength to do even the hard things....I am NOTHING without You. I am sorry that I got mad....I love you.....

Teens

Teenagers are given such a bad rap so I want to share this story with you...I work at a large high school and my church is in the same neighborhood so I see a lot of our youth group at school. Lately I have had a huge burden for these kids....a lot of the kids from school have shared details of their home life with me and some of the stories just break my heart...I mean send me to my knees because I can't imagine living through some of that withOUT God. Two of the girls that I have become close too are "atheists" and THAT breaks my heart so a couple of Wednesdays ago I challenged the youth group to seek out those who are sitting alone and invite them to church or just make friends with them..you know be that light thing:-) Several of them took me very seriously and we have exchanged cell numbers so that we can tm or call each other when opportunities arise. I haven't shared details with them about the others lives..I HATE gossip on so many levels....BUT I have made sure I introduced them to each other. Watching the teens every day seeking out new people just touches me in a way I can't explain. I LOVE seeing them witnessing to others. One of the boys actually has business cards with his name and service times on them so that when someone is interested in going he can pick them up...he is an amazing teen that is just chasing God in a way I have never seen a teenager do...I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't called to the ministry soon:-) The little girl he picked up last Wednesday accepted Jesus and lots of tears were shed that night...mostly by me lol I love these kids and I never thought I would love my job SO much but what an opportunity I have...what a blessing that is!! There are 2000+ kids...I wonder if I can get a bus;-) I can tell you this... God is doing AMAZING things in my church.

Stupid ICE lol

First I start out my day sliding across a parking lot just missing a car! Then tonight I run to the store because living without my diet coke with lime is NOT an option;-) I was walking back inside and carefully trying to get around my car when I fell...the parking lot in my apartment complex is still covered in ice! Of course, I fell just as this young guy is leaving my neighbors so I got to have an audience;-) If that wasn't bad enough I got the whole "omgosh MA'AM are you ok?"...I am in denial that I am old enough to actually be a ma'am!.... I told him I was fine and I tried to laugh it off ...As I am sitting IN the ice I realize my whole bottom is COLD and wet. REALLY cold!! I stood up and my kids who are just so thoughtful were laughing at me. I am sure I looked amusing because when I fell you would have thought I was holding a newborn baby because I did everything to protect my diet coke from falling...sad isn't it?? When I stood up I was even more embarrassed because I ripped my pants lol My children didn't miss a beat and started singing "oops I ripped my pants" I will tell you from experience that a thong does not give you much protection. Off to take some tylenol.....stupid ice!

Since I just know you are all SOOOO interested in the little day to day happenings here I thought I would update:-) We were spared the "worst snowstorm ever to hit Oklahoma" this weekend. We did get LOT of rain and a few snowflakes but coming from Florida rain doesn't scare me. All it really did was manage to make a mess outside. I really am still loving the seasons even if I had to have someone dig my car out of the parking lot:-) I am hopeful that school will go back tomorrow and if you hear a scream later it is because I got the email canceling....Seeing as I actually work at the school I would like to go back because I like that whole paycheck thing:-P That and I like routine:-) This Wednesday if things are back to normal my church is offering several 8 wk classes and I signed up for one called The Jesus I Never Knew

I am SOOOO excited to be going to this class and the person teaching it is an AMAZING speaker so I just can't wait! Let me see...what else can I update you on?

Our counseling-- DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups starts back tomorrow but I need to see how comfortable I am driving before I make the trip out there.

The whole sleeping in the bed thang--I am still sleeping in my bed and actually enjoying it lol After the first week I realized how comfortable my pillow top mattress is and wondered why it took me so long to go back to it...this week we have camped out in the living room but somewhere in the middle of the night I would always go back to my room...I missed my bed and that is a step forward. I am making progress in little ways like a while back I put my wedding stuff away. I NEVER thought I would be at a point where I could put it away but I did. I am healing in little ways..it will take time and I will learn along the way.

The eating healthy thing--I think we will get back on track once I can shop again. Hopefully TOMORROW! We are still eating good but *I* have had a LOT of chocolate being stuck in the house lol Would you believe I ate an entire bag of reeces?? ALL.BY.MYSELF. I did!

I guess that is it. Nothing exciting unless you want to know I just put chicken poop on my lips;-) It isn't what you think but it really works! I have a hard time with dry skin and chapped lips because the air here is so dry and I am used to living in a humid environment. Look they have a link so you don't think I really put poop on my lips lol http://ilovechickenpoop.com/

The kids are sad to be going back to school and we really have had a great time with each other. They are such good kids and although they are hyper active like their Mama they have good hearts. I love that and them! We even cooked in the fireplace just to say we did and they loved that! I guess that is it...off to finish listening to music!

Day 6 or 7 or whatever

And they're coming to take me away ha-haaa
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away ha haaa

I think I have officially lost it:-) We camped out in the living room last night watching movies so I woke up to little kids sleeping peacefully on the floor. They look so sweet when they are sleeping. I am one of those annoying morning types so *I* woke up bright and early. I decided to enjoy the quiet for a few hours little while longer. Then I thought how can I wake them up this morning? they are NOT morning people at ALL so I try to be creative...ice, throwing things at them, tickling etc.. They get that from their Daddy and I still have the beat up alarm clock to prove it! Their Dad would wake up to the alarm and then chuck it across the room for waking him up! Isn't it supposed to wake you up? lol Then I decided that a pillow fight might wake them up. So I started pounding heads lol It didn't take long for them to join it and I realized my oldest is a lot stronger than I thought...OUCH! They continued to get along great for about 30 mins;-) So I decided to put a new rule in effect for today...great thing about being the Mom I can do that;-) they are only allowed to talk in song so they have to sing everything and rhyming is optional but they are a lot more creative than I realized. I have to tell you it is hard to be mad and fight with your sibling while you are singing lol Ok that is my fun for today ON DAY 6 or 7 of being stuck inside. Now I am just waiting for the email that tells me school is out again tomorrow and I am waiting on more snow. Really I am just amused by the weathermen and since AI isn't on tonight I could use the laugh.

I am SOOOO tired of seeing ice! I have been stuck at home since Friday afternoon and it doesn't look like it is going away anytime soon! We are actually expecting snow for the next two weekends! Yesterday I decided that the food supply had gotten low and I needed to go shopping. Really I just needed diet coke and chocolate lol Oh and quick breakfast foods because I am SO TIRED of cooking every meal. So I get up this morning with high hopes of driving to the store. But first I have to find my windshield under the thick ice. I start the car up and let it run while I play with the ice scraper...I wasn't making much progress but it sure is a great way to get rid of some aggression. Then my oldest son asks me how I am going to drive if the tires are under the ice. When you first look at them it looks like I have a flat tire but then you realize that my car hasn't moved since Friday and that is ALL ICE. I get inside and try to back up but the car is NOT moving..I am so frustrated at this point and start wondering if I could just walk to the store. I tried everything to get the stupid car to move and it wouldn't. I called a friends Dad to ask what the trick was to get my car to move and he told me it was to go back in the house because I was not driving. He came and rescued me so I could get a few things. It was the first time I had been out since this happened and it is way worse than I thought...way worse! I am so glad I didn't drive. I was already stressing about how to park! lol I mean I really thought it out and just couldn't figure out how you stop on ice. What I didn't think about was the hill to get out of the store. I don't think my car would have gone back up the hill once I got down. I also do not see how we will have school at all this week because everything is still under ice. I don't even want to think about next week because we are expecting snow this weekend. We had flurries today but the big stuff is coming. I know this isn't normal for Oklahoma but coming from a state that hasn't had snow since 1989 I feel SO unprepared and I just want to see the ground again. How many days till spring??

YAY!!!

Oh my word I am soooooo excited!! Look what is coming on TONIGHT?? I keep looking at the clock to see if it is time!! Only thing that could be better is if I didn't have to cook tonight;-) :::::::::::::doing my snoopy dance::::::::::::::American Idol is coming on tonight!! If you have never watched a season get out from under that rock and join me in watching:-)

3 LONG days

I have been home for 3 days now lol What can you do in 3 days you ask?
You can vacuum 20 times because you never know when the lights just might go off and you would really like to keep the lines in the carpet.
You can watch the weathermen on TV and laugh at how excited they are when "round 3" of "ICE STORM 2007" hits.
You can watch way too much tv and realize you aren't missing much when you don't....although American Idol is coming and I can barely contain my excitement!! I missed Simon:-P
You can wake up every morning and jump in the shower first thing because the lights MIGHT go out and I like me some hot water.
You can promptly put clean pajamas back on because who really cares about getting dressed when you aren't going anywhere.
You can talk on your phone for so long that your battery dies lol Ok that only happened yesterday;-)
You can do 9 loads of laundry and wonder HOW they all got dirty when you haven't gone anywhere
You can pick out your "break up" cd Beauty from Pain 1.1 CD - By: Superchick - Christianbook.com
You can change your cell phones ringtone because the Boomer Sooner one is getting old
You can stare out the window like a little kid and wonder when this stuff is going to melt and if it doesn't how will I drive in it tomorrow?!
You can listen to music loudly because your neighbors left town.
You can listen to your family call to tell you that OK is on the news and they are showing cold cows and it is 75 back home
You can play every game with your kids you can find
You can say "stop running in the house" fifty million times and pray that SuperNanny will come
You can start praying for a house SOON because apartment living with 3 kids gets old real fast.
I am sure I have done more things like COOK, COOK and COOK some more. Now I have to clean because I have company coming later. YAY!! I never thought I would be so excited to see another person but I am:-) Thank God for friends!

This is it??

I hope the weathermen are happy! They spent the last two days scaring me for NOTHING. Sure we have some ice and sleet but this is so NOT what I expected. They made it sound like the end of the world was coming and judging from the lines at the store I am not the only one that bought their story. The shelves were SOOOOO empty and the only time I have seen anything that compares was a couple of years ago when Florida was repeatedly hit by hurricanes and tropical storms. I did have to drive in this yesterday when I got off work and that was not fun. I was the one going 5mph so I apologize to my OKC readers:-D THAT was an experience and I will NOT be leaving again until I can see the lines in the road and the ice has melted. I don't like being stuck in the house but this is bearable as long as I don't lose power...I can handle the stuff outside as long as I am warm inside. If you take my heat away and I have to rely on the fireplace to heat and cook I will die...well, maybe not die but I won't be happy;-)

As I was praying this morning this verse came to mind
Phil 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice...I decided to look it up in the message and it said
Philippians 4:4 (The Message)
4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

My pastor always say that to rejoice is to just "joy again" and I was thinking I am not "joying" the first time. I am content in all situations but joyful?? not even close...How am I supposed to be joyful? My heart has been crushed...I am exhausted trying to be a single Mom and the breadwinner..I hate that I don't get a break from cooking or cleaning. I don't like being the sole disciplinarian. I am lonely. I am sad. me me me me me...Then I realized *I* am holding myself back because I refuse to take God at His Word...I am putting buts in there where they don't belong...you know the ones...BUT that doesn't apply to my situation...BUT wait I am hurting here...how can you say be joyful when my heart is broken? I thought once I got through the holidays I would feel better but instead I got myself so far down into a pit I am having a hard time getting out. I am angry. I guess that is the stage I am at now...anger. I didn't ask for this. When I said my vows I meant them and I am angry that the marriage failed..not just for me but my children. They need a Dad. How could he do this to us? Some days it hurts so bad that I just wish Jesus would come now but then I realize that the one that broke my heart wouldn't be ready for Him. That is a sad thought..so many aren't ready but what am I doing to change that? if I am not living a joyful life then why would people want this? Talk about conviction first thing in the morning:-(

Father help me as I go to my job to share You with others. Help me to be a light to the people I work with and the teenagers I see everyday..help me Lord because I can't do this in my strength.....

This is our first attempt at healthy eating this year:-DWhat you are seeing is garlic sauteed spinach, fish and brown rice.
This was NOT a resolution;-) In Dec when I had to have my gallbladder out I realized I am getting old...I can't continue to make bad food choices and my body not pay. Coming from a Mom that LOVED to cook with bacon grease and pig parts this is hard for me lol My kids love veggies but I am sure the ways that *I* cook them take all the good stuff out. Greens and spinach are a HUGE favorite in our house so I thought I would start there. Tonight I didn't fry anything or cook it in bacon fat or with anything "bad" and the kids STILL loved it so maybe this won't be so hard for them...ok for me it might be;-) Actually I will admit the spinach is really good but the rice is brown and I like white rice...plus the fish here isn't fresh so that is going to be an adjustment for me. The kids are totally on board with this and when we went shopping yesterday they helped me find the "good stuff". We didn't buy any processed foods and the chips that I splurged on for them are baked. Not so hard to avoid the bad stuff if you stick to the perimeter of the store lol Hopefully this will be a good thing for all of us:-) Don't worry they are still kids and we will eat some "bad stuff" lol I just want to make sure that the majority of our meals are healthy and that they learn to make better choices. I will tell you that eating healthy is WAY more expensive! I'll let you know how it works out:-D

The Whole Sleeping in My Bed Thang...

It has been three nights now and I am committed to doing this so I can't give up now:-) My dd loves that she can see me at night. Last night she actually pulled my covers down, moved my pillows and put my remote and teddy bear in just the right place...it was really sweet so how could I not sleep in my bed? If you are wondering how she can see me we have a bathroom that separates our rooms and if you leave both doors open we can see each other lol Now if you are wondering why I wasn't sleeping in my bed already it is simple to me;-) Sleeping in the bed alone is a reminder that *I* am alone...every time I roll over that warm body isn't there to hold....when I move my feet I look for that foot to put with mine and it is not there. I miss him at night. I miss him during the day too but at night it is worse. At night I am no longer busy with life and can think or dream. I never wanted to be single. I LOVED being a wife so it has been hard emotionally. This whole thing has been hard. Anyway, last night I discovered something cool...first you have to understand that sometimes I don't like noise and when the kids are in bed I will watch the tv on closed captioning so I can enjoy the peace and quiet...Yeah I am weird;-) So last night I was laying in bed watching tv and I decide I am tired and am ready to go to sleep so I roll over. I didn't turn the tv off because I wanted the light and when I rolled over I realized I could still see the tv in the mirror on my dresser...pretty cool huh? BUT the best part is it is the reflection from my mirrored closet doors so the closed captioning is the right way! Did you follow that? You know how you put something in a mirror and it is backwards? well, this isn't because it is really from the other mirror so it is turned around already. It seems silly but I was thrilled that I can lay either way and still read the closed captioning and fall asleep. It really doesn't take much to make me happy:-) So that is how the whole sleeping alone is going...can you believe I have been here 5 months?? seems unreal to me...

Today I want to share with you someone who changed my life. Someone who didn't do anything other than shine the light of Jesus with her life. Matthew 5:16 (New International Version)16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
A little over seven years ago I ran across someone who lived what she preached. Unashamedly. lived. what. she. preached. I saw her stand up for what she believed and do it with respect. I had never met someone with so much integrity either. Trust me I was looking to find something wrong for reasons that are hard to explain...I didn't WANT to see someone living for Jesus because I knew I wasn't. I hadn't been for a long time. I am not saying I was doing anything "major" but I wasn't living for Christ and I knew it...She never had to say anything about my life or what was wrong but her light was so bright...it was SOOO bright that all of my sins became evident to me. It sent me to my knees many times but I wasn't ready to let go and give my life back to God. I was putting my wants before God. I just wasn't ready to let go...not yet.. I still watched her life and how she reacted to different situations. At the time she didn't know I was watching so closely but do we ever? do we ever realize how the things we do and what we say impact others? people ARE watching our lives and if we are claiming to be Christians then we should be living it....and she was. Oh she just oozed Jesus and grace and mercy. She was just so real and honest that things I had hidden in my life for YEARS from everyone I was able to open up about. I was met with love and compassion that could only have come from a person with a heart for God. I felt safe sharing with her and that is something I don't do. I guard my heart from people and I try not to let them in....I have been hurt so many times by people who were supposed to love me unconditionally why wouldn't I kwim? not saying it is right but that is the truth. There was something different with her and I have been able to let down every single wall and let her completely in...I love her like a sister and I am blessed to be her friend. It was her love and support that helped me find the strength to do what God had been asking me to do...the best part is she never told me what to do but she pointed me to God and that is the best gift a friend could ever give. Over the years I have seen her in many different situations...I have seen her heart broken and what is inside is absolutely beautiful..I have seen her angry and wronged and I have watched her handle that with love...Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath I have seen this verse in action. It is not something that I have learned yet but it isn't for lack of a great example. I really can't say enough wonderful things about her. I have watched her care for others including myself! I have seen her faithfully serve in her church. I have seen her raise two of the most amazing children without spanking. I am a better person because of her. I am closer to my Father now than I ever have been because she pointed me back to Him and He was waiting with open arms. Why am I telling you all of this? because TODAY is her birthday...today we celebrate her life.... Not everyone knows how much they impact others and I hope she knows how much she has changed my life. I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't made the choice to follow God's will for my life and I had stayed. I can't imagine how my kids would have grown up had I NOT left. What would I have been teaching them? In the last seven years all 3 of my children have accepted Jesus as their personal savior...I wonder if that would have happened if I hadn't found my way home.... I can't imagine and I don't want to....So Happy Birthday friend ...I hope this year you realize how much you mean to others and how much you change lives. Not just mine but those little ones you teach every week at church..it is a thankless job but one that I personally know changes lives. Thank you for being YOU. You are such a gift and a precious friend. I love you!

Last Post of 2006

I could sit here and do a whole "looking back at 2006" post but honestly I don't want to look back. This has been THE hardest year I have been asked to live. I don't want to RE-live it at all. I want to focus on looking ahead because this next year is a new beginning for me. I also don't plan on making a list of resolutions although I do have a few...things like sleeping in my bed lol Can you believe I have only slept in it once since I moved here 5 months ago?! My real goal is just to spend more time with the One that holds my future..I think spending time in the Word will take care of all those other "resolutions" that people make from overeating to just being a better person. It really does have ALL the answers if we just read it AND apply it:-) I guess if I could describe in one word what my goal for 2007 is it would be surrender...I want to learn to surrender ALL...all to Jesus I surrender:-)

I know I said I wasn't going to share my city with you but I changed my mind:-P This was just too good not to share....Enjoy! The Christmas message is now up Lakeside Assembly of God - Oklahoma City Church Yeah I love my church:-)

I knew the holidays would be hard but I was surprised by how hard they truly were. I think the flood of emotions surprised even me. I am not going to sit here and focus on the negative because it was hard enough to live without going into detail and bringing up all those emotions again...I DO want to share with you how blessed I have been these past few months and in sharing it with you I am hoping to lift my own spirits:-) When I moved to Oklahoma I moved here completely on faith. It was scary as heck with 3 kids but I knew that it was Gods will and I have no doubt He is blessing that obedience... Nobody that is here can deny how God has taken care of us. I mean EVERY detail. Before I moved here I had a few fears about moving so far away from everything and everyone I ever knew...there is a sense of safety being close to family kwim? My biggest fears were child support stopping, my car breaking down and what to do with my kids in the event of a medical emergency...if you know me you understand I HAVE to have a plan, a backup plan and sometimes a backup for the backup plan. Moving here meant totally relying on God and not having a plan.....talk about stepping out of my comfort zone! Still I had a peace because this IS God's will for us even if nobody understood why. In the beginning everything fell into place..I found a job and child support was still coming in but I think God wanted me to trust Him more. I had a few small tests along the way and then I had to stand up for what I believed. My soon to be ex husband quit his job and decided to relocate here. I was scared to death but I had to make a decision to believe that God was my provider...my Jehovah Jireh...not man...not my soon to be ex. I had to believe that AND make a decision that could cost me child support...and temporarily did. As you know he moved back to Florida but he was without a job for a month....Then my car that I bought right before I moved here broke down. I was scrambling to figure out what to do..I mean I CAN do some car repairs but I didn't have any tools and I knew this was something major. I was trying so hard to have faith and to trust that God had a plan..I mean REALLY hard... but this was my car...my way to work...the only transportation I have... I quoted all the scriptures and spoke the word of God to God....I prayed and prayed and then I cried. I was at a loss as to what I was going to do. I called my family and they said "let us know how that works out for you"...I felt SO alone and I think God knew and He put it on someones heart to call me right then and they reminded me that God was in control and really did have a plan. I hung up feeling better and then my church called and within minutes someone else was calling and my car was being towed. My church fixed my car, put gas in it and washed it for FREE. I didn't even know where my car was and didn't care because at that point I knew God had it all under control. I couldn't have felt any more blessed than I did right then...at least I didn't think I could. I have never seen a church love on someone like they have us. The only fear left was a medical emergency and if you read a few posts ago you know I just had surgery. I learned what my dear friends family meant when they said "we rally" because they did...they picked up my car and brought it home, picked up my kids, fed them, did laundry, kept them overnight, took them to school, went shopping for me and then some! I woke up after surgery to them standing around my bed that night and I couldn't have felt more loved than I did right then. My friend had stayed at the hospital with me and took care of all the little details and even called my family back home to let them know what was going on. My church then took over and delivered meals for lunch and dinner. I never asked for any of that and yet God was taking care of us in ways I never expected. God even took care of things I never thought of!!...I knew I couldn't afford much for Christmas this year. I also knew their father wasn't sending them anything either. My plan was to just keep the focus on the true meaning of Christmas....Instead of presents we would celebrate THE GIFT... I felt that my kids had already received a gift by seeing God work in our lives and answer prayers. God had a different plan and without me ever saying a word to my church they made sure my kids had an amazing Christmas and if that wasn't enough my prayer loop AND my infertility loop sent gifts for us. My kids were BEYOND blessed this year. They know that this Christmas was TOTALLY from God because Mom was busy keeping a roof over their head and I couldn't afford to go into debt for Christmas. God knew that and He provided. Isn't that amazing?? Isn't that just so God?? The best part of all of this is my kids have been talking about it and that has opened conversations about trusting God completely and with every aspect of our lives. I was able to tell them that even though moving here was hard if you seek Gods face and follow Him that He WILL take care of all the details. That is still the best gift my kids have received this year. I just hope and pray they remember this when God asks them to do something out of their comfort zone...I want them to remember 2006 not as the year that I left their father but as the year that God personally answered each one of our prayers and took care of us in ways I never asked or expected. I really am blessed and just so thankful that I serve a God that answers prayers.

Father help me to remember to count my blessings and look to the future because the past hurts too much...

Philippians 3:13-14 No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven. (NLT)

Merry Christmas!!

Another Christmas Meme

I stole this from Paulette and needed an excuse to sit for a minute so here ya go lol

A little Christmas meme..............

What is guaranteed to make you smile over the holidays?

My children and they have already made me smile today! They are seeing the hand of God work in our lives like NEVER before and they are talking about it with each other!! I don't think there is anything that can make a Mom happier than listening to their kids say things like "wow God really IS supplying ALL of our needs" or "when we moved here I thought things would be a lot harder but God really has taken care of everything" or "why would someone do that if they have never met you?"...oh trust me my kids will NEVER forget this Christmas and how God took care of us!

What makes you weepy during the holiday?

This year? everything lol I guess most years looking at my children and their faces when they wake up on Christmas morning

How will you spend Christmas eve and Christmas day?

This year we will spend Christmas eve with a dear friend and her ILs and Christmas day with the same friend and her parents. I love them:-)


What was your most memorable Christmas and why?

Dec of 1989...it was 5 days after we got married...for those who just figured that out my 17th anniversary was yesterday and it was HARD. That Christmas was very memorable because...well, I JUST got married;-) We had a get together at my sisters house with wedding cake and everything.

Christmas letter's from friends, pro or con?

Pro I LOVE getting mail and Christmas letters rock because I get to read about the little things that happened that year. Helps to keep up with everyone:-)

In your home is Christmas more of a religous or secular observance?

Definitely religious..I have always tried to make sure the kids know what the true meaning of Christmas is and we usually have a Happy Birthday cake for Jesus. They know the Christmas story is about the birth of Jesus but the real miracle of Christmas is that the baby GREW UP:-D

What is your favorite Christmas Carol?

Come All Ye Faithful

What is your deepest prayer for the world at Christmas?

That everyone can have a close and personal relationship with Jesus. I don't know how I would have gotten through this last year without Him... I really don't...I am so beyond thankful that I serve a God that takes care of His children and loves them unconditionally.

Still Alive

Thanks for all the emails and well wishes...I am still alive just BUSY. Oh my word it is less than a week from Christmas and I haven't even started shopping!! Also in between recovering from surgery I have still been working...no rest for the single Mom;-) Thank God tomorrow is the last day of work until Jan! Gotta LOVE Christmas vacation:-) So if I don't post it is because I am hunched over at a store trying to finish shopping...yeah standing up straight is still hard but I am getting there.

Early Christmas Gift:-)

I had my gallbladder taken out last night lol Who would have thought I would be happy to be cut on?! But seriously the after surgery pain is NOTHING compared to what I was feeling. Plus I got the wonderful gift of spending the day with a friend, flowers from my church and I got out of cooking for a few days....yeah I am reaching but I am looking for the bright side;-) Now to find time to recover so I can go Christmas shopping.

Oklahoma

In the last 4 months...can you believe it has already been 4 months??!!...anyway, in the last 4 months I have learned so many things about Oklahoma that are different from Florida;-) Here are a few things....

Sirens at noon on Saturday are NOT a cause for alarm..there is no need to stop in the middle of the expressway screaming "what it is?"

When they say windy they MEAN windy...like hurricane force winds without the water...please hold your kids hands. Oh and BE CAREFUL opening your car doors...goodness it could get ripped from your hands!

Some days it really IS necessary to run both the a/c and heater

Dressing in layers in not a suggestion

Trying to change lanes after it snows may prove difficult and you could go straight for a LONG time...don't panic because at some point somebody else has turned and you can too

Pushing a shopping cart through a parking lot full of ice and hold your kids hands is hard...when they offer help in the store TAKE IT!

White does not always equal snow...do not traumatize kids by telling them it is snow and dragging them out in the sleet to make "snow" angels...if it hurts go back in;-)

This one I learned just this morning...do NOT try to clean your car windows with the windshield washer fluid while you are driving and it is cold...it WILL freeze and you won't be able to see out the window. You will look like an idiot trying to stick your head out the window so you don't smash into the car in front of you.

Christmas Meme

I shamelessly stole this from "Merci"

1. Hot Chocolate or apple cider?

Both

2. Turkey or Ham?

Ham but we usually have prime rib for Christmas

3. Do you get a fake or real-you-cut-it-yourself Christmas tree?

We have always had fake because I was worried about my oldest son's asthma.

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?

In Florida we had a lot of decorations on the outside...I like cheesy Christmas decorations so we had everything from too many lights to blow up reindeer and snowmen:-) What can I say? I like cheese;-)

5. Snowball fights or sledding?

I guess I would have to say snowball fights but we haven't been sledding so I have nothing to compare it too.

6. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?

I HATE shopping!

7. Favorite Christmas song?

Oh Come All Ye Faithful...I love the part that says come let us adore Him:-) This is what Christmas is all about...

8. How do you feel about Christmas movies?

LOVE THEM! Again I like cheese so I love the Santa movies (with Tim Allen) and Elf and Christmas Vacation and of course all the hallmark ones that make me cry lol

9. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?

Before Thanksgiving:-P Usually after Thanksgiving dinner is cleaned up I want Christmas music playing and the tree going up. I LOVE this time of year!

10. Stockings before or after presents?

We have done both

11. Carolers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them?

I used to love doing this with the church I grew up in...I love hearing music so I enjoy listening to them

12. Go to someone else's house or they come to you?

We have done both but this year we are going to someone else's house

13. Do you read the Christmas Story? If so when?

Yes and on Christmas Eve

14. What do you do after presents and dinner?

Put Christmas stuff away....I am tired of it by now:-)

15. What is your favorite holiday smell?

The smells of goodies baking

16. Ice skating or walking around the mall?

Never been ice skating and I hate shopping

17. Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas Day?

I like giving them new jammies on Christmas Eve so they look cute for Christmas pictures on Christmas morning;)

18. Favorite Christmas memory?

Loading the kids up in the van and picking up Starbucks and driving around to look at lights...I love looking at lights on a cold night with my venti white chocolate mocha with soy and no whip please. I don't have a special memory of just Christmas because every year there is something new that I love and want to remember forever.

19. Favorite part about winter?

This year? SNOW!

20. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?

Of course!

Tired Ramblings

I just came home from a wonderful night out with my church family...I am tired and feeling a little emotional but not in a bad way so I thought I would ramble on here...feel free to ignore me because I really should be sleeping lol I have seriously done something every night this week and I am EXHAUSTED! Ok so for those who have asked how I am doing emotionally here ya go......

This Road

A million miles away from anything familiar

a thousand places I would rather be

so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side

though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering

in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger

but this small part is all that I can see

and I believe you haven't left me here to wander

still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me

(chorus)

and I ask why this road

why this way

and this load

tell me how far must I go till I see

till I know why this road

A million miles away from anything familiar

what was it like to be so far from home

though you came in love

the world misunderstood you

there must have been some days when you felt so alone

but you endured, cause there was joy before you

joy that came because you sacrificed

Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me

surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times

when I ask why....

(chorus)

From here I can not see

why you'd choose this path for me

but I don't have to understand to believe

that you know why

You know why this road

why this way and this load

you know how far I must go till I see

till I know why this road

When I moved here I listened to this song and thought it summed my feelings up pretty well...I KNEW this is where I was supposed to be but that didn't help me understand why or make it hurt less...I felt so alone at times and I wondered why a LOT. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother but my marriage was beyond saving....trust me I tried:*( I wasn't sure what the plan was but I am confident I am in God's will and He would make a way. I came completely on faith and without a job...you have to know you are in Gods will to do that! I had 3 children that I knew I would have to take care of alone but God opened doors and I had a job the day after they started school. A job that would allow me to be a full time parent and they wouldn't be alone or in daycare. That was a blessing. I also found a church within a month of moving here that has just blessed my socks off as my dear friend would say:-) I don't think I have personally been THIS happy in a LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNG time. Still I was worried about the holidays and how hard they would be this year but so far I just feel blessed. I even celebrated a birthday yesterday as a single Mom and I got more than one cake;-) Sure I hurt at times but I am getting to a point where I am looking more at the future and less at the past and that has to be a good thing. I am growing so much closer to the Lord through all of this because He is all I have and I KNOW that is a good thing:-) I can't believe how much has happened in the last 4 months or how much *I* have changed. This Christmas won't be a huge toy fest like the ones before but my kids can tell you they have seen God's hand at work in our lives and THAT is the best gift I could ever give them. They have seen God work and they won't forget that anytime soon...So this Christmas we will celebrate THE GIFT...the reason for the season....this Christmas our gifts won't come from Toys R Us or with pretty packages and bows but will be about the One who is the greatest gift of all. I can't wait to celebrate this year with my children focusing on the true meaning of Christmas.

Boys lol

Tonight we are having dinner and my dd is telling us about her day...she has this thing for reading ONLY non-fiction books and she likes to tell us ALL about them:-)
Here is the conversation

DD-C did you know that Uranus is a gas giant?
C and B- :::::burst out laughing::::
B-Yeah C your anus is full of gas
DD-it is! Mom will you tell them uranus is a gas giant??
C-Yeah Mom tell us your anus is giant:::evil grin::::

It took everything not to laugh...gotta love kids:-P

Snow in Pictures

Before we moved here THIS was the only kind of snowflake my kids had ever seen:-) This is a prized possession of my dd from her Auntie

I was dying to see snow...I really was hoping it would snow when I came to visit in January but it was warm when I cameI finally got my wish and it came all the way to my front door:-)My cat thought that was cool and she would eat it lolMy dog didn't know what to think!My kids LOVED it...well, after it became real snow;-)The boys immediately had a snowball fight
My dd wanted to make snow angels...not to be confused with the sleet angels we made yesterday:-P

It really snowed!! Look at all of that snow!!

I am going stir crazy...imagine 3 kids in a little apt...wait 3 kids with LOTS of energy in a little apt BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRIVE IN THIS????