12/08/2006

Tired Ramblings

I just came home from a wonderful night out with my church family...I am tired and feeling a little emotional but not in a bad way so I thought I would ramble on here...feel free to ignore me because I really should be sleeping lol I have seriously done something every night this week and I am EXHAUSTED! Ok so for those who have asked how I am doing emotionally here ya go......


This Road

A million miles away from anything familiar

a thousand places I would rather be

so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side

though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering

in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger

but this small part is all that I can see

and I believe you haven't left me here to wander

still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me

(chorus)

and I ask why this road

why this way

and this load

tell me how far must I go till I see

till I know why this road

A million miles away from anything familiar

what was it like to be so far from home

though you came in love

the world misunderstood you

there must have been some days when you felt so alone

but you endured, cause there was joy before you

joy that came because you sacrificed

Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me

surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times

when I ask why....

(chorus)

From here I can not see

why you'd choose this path for me

but I don't have to understand to believe

that you know why

You know why this road

why this way and this load

you know how far I must go till I see

till I know why this road



When I moved here I listened to this song and thought it summed my feelings up pretty well...I KNEW this is where I was supposed to be but that didn't help me understand why or make it hurt less...I felt so alone at times and I wondered why a LOT. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother but my marriage was beyond saving....trust me I tried:*( I wasn't sure what the plan was but I am confident I am in God's will and He would make a way. I came completely on faith and without a job...you have to know you are in Gods will to do that! I had 3 children that I knew I would have to take care of alone but God opened doors and I had a job the day after they started school. A job that would allow me to be a full time parent and they wouldn't be alone or in daycare. That was a blessing. I also found a church within a month of moving here that has just blessed my socks off as my dear friend would say:-) I don't think I have personally been THIS happy in a LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNG time. Still I was worried about the holidays and how hard they would be this year but so far I just feel blessed. I even celebrated a birthday yesterday as a single Mom and I got more than one cake;-) Sure I hurt at times but I am getting to a point where I am looking more at the future and less at the past and that has to be a good thing. I am growing so much closer to the Lord through all of this because He is all I have and I KNOW that is a good thing:-) I can't believe how much has happened in the last 4 months or how much *I* have changed. This Christmas won't be a huge toy fest like the ones before but my kids can tell you they have seen God's hand at work in our lives and THAT is the best gift I could ever give them. They have seen God work and they won't forget that anytime soon...So this Christmas we will celebrate THE GIFT...the reason for the season....this Christmas our gifts won't come from Toys R Us or with pretty packages and bows but will be about the One who is the greatest gift of all. I can't wait to celebrate this year with my children focusing on the true meaning of Christmas.

2 comments:

Mama Koch said...

May God give you strength. I know it's hard to realize, but time does heal all wounds. Stay strong and you will be rewarded. You have three sets of little eyes watching your every move. You're a strong person....I have faith you'll do fine!

Lynn said...

The toy fests they won't really remember but they will never forget the year their mother gave up all for them and built them a new life. Merry Christmas from Texas. Enjoy the snow for me.