This was our weekend. If you don't know what that picture is it is my sons oxygen saturation level. Yep my oldest was having problems breathing this weekend. Asthma is not new to us so I did all the normal things to try and control it but it won. I hate asthma. Last night he got really bad but being a single Mom trying to take 2 sleeping children and a sick child to the ER in the middle of the night doesn't look appealing. It is times like these I HATE being single. I do have friends I can call in the middle of the night BUT who wants to do that either?? Anyway, I prayed a lot last night that we could just wait till this morning and after 3 treatments he settled down and fell asleep. I didn't. I laid there and watched his ribs for signs he was retracting and I prayed....and cried. I keep hoping he will just outgrow this. He is doing fine tonight. I took him to the ER this morning and after checking his O2 level they took us straight back. He got a steroid shot in his hip and several breathing treatments and we left with the promise that I would bring him back immediately if he started to struggle again. He starts the prednisone (8 pills!!!) in the morning and they added singulair to his proAir and Albuterol that he already takes. I am exhausted and so is he. Needless to say we missed church this morning. I know I have mentioned before how much I love the teens at my church. Well, tonight one of the girls called and asked where I was...she thought I was in another area and she couldn't find me...we do this all the time so she was shocked when I told her I wasn't there. We talked for a few minutes and hung up. What happened next touched me SO MUCH. One of the other teens heard from her that my son was sick and called and said "Ms Barbie I am going to pray with you" and then he went on to pray. It was just so touching. I had to share because that just blessed me SOOOOO much. He is only in 10th grade!! 10th and he is already sold out to God. Then he hung up and another girl called and said she wanted to stop by tomorrow to make sure my son was ok. How sweet are they??!! Already being the Body of Christ in high school:-) I feel blessed tonight....exhausted but blessed:-)


Internet Safety

I want to preface this by saying I am not an expert in internet safety and I do not have special equipment to run background checks:-)
Oh and before I start my "rant" on this I want you to stop and do a google search with your name in quotations.

I will wait

...la la la...

ok are you back??

are you shocked?!

If you aren't then maybe you aren't out there as much as others. If you are shocked then I want to give you some hints for keeping this stuff more private. I have this thing for putting two and two together and I can't help it.. it is how I am wired...After reading blogs for a time I can tell you a lot more info about you then you probably meant to put out there...don't worry I am not a stalker it is just how my brain works. I don't forget things that easily. I can tell you right now there are well known bloggers that talk about internet safety and don't put up pictures or use real names and yet I can give you a map to their house and their home number.... not kidding!

So here are some tips from Barbie to keep your blog more private....

because everyone uses the internet and things are posted online from your pta bulletin to your church bulletin *I* recommend not letting them use your last name EVER. If your PTA minutes or bulletins are online ask them to only use your first name and maybe the first letter of your last name. If you don't do this and your name is online it just takes a quick google search and your kids school is now known by the entire internet. Yeah I will let that soak in!! You homeschoolers can just sit back and smile lol Most of them will also say something to the effect of "contact so and so at 555-5555" and if you use your home number then anywho.com can do a reverse telephone search and now I have not only your kids school and your home number but a map to your house.

ALWAYS use your cell number or make sure your phone number is unlisted.

If you have family members that comment on your blog make sure they don't use your real name OR their email address doesn't have your last name as part of it...you would be SO surprised at how many people use their last name as part of their email addresses.

If you are subscribed to technorati and "claim" your blog don't use your last name unless you want it out there.

When you set the preferences for your email NEVER use your name. You would be so surprised how many people will send an email from an account and if you check the internet details it has their real name listed. Even if you know the person you are sending it to you never know what is getting forwarded and your name may be part of it.

I know you are proud of your family members and want to share them but newspaper articles or websites that list their full name are really all it takes to know yours. Most people share a last name with their siblings or it is their maiden name kwim?
Do you know how many family trees are online??

Remember that what is put online doesn't go away.
So be careful what you put out there because it isn't hard to find things.

this brings me to another point that has NOTHING to do with safety but I want to say it anyway and since this is my blog I will:-)

Be HONEST! always! Don't jump on the latest bandwagon...be true to yourself. I get so tired of reading things that contradict what you said in the past. I understand people change their mind but too many times I see people make comments on others blogs and they just go with the majority. If you said on your blog or in someones comments that Pokemon are evil (just an example so please don't email me about Pokemon) don't comment in someone elses that you think Pikachu is the cutest thing ever....just be yourself. I know most people don't catch on but some of us remember everything. Don't be fake...just be you:-) God created you to be the unique individual you are so be proud of that! Honesty is just so important to me so that is a huge thing for me....ok I think I am done lol
If you have any questions about how to find things online cuz I am sure there are more that I can't think of right now...email me or leave a comment and I will be glad to answer.



As you know I am a native Floridian. Bad weather isn't new to me. I have been in hurricanes, tropical storms and floods. I even saw a tornado rip down a street in West Palm Beach, Florida. For those familiar with the area it was on Okeechobee Blvd and Military Trail. This was right after Hurricane Andrew hit South Florida. I usually don't panic...at least I didn't:-/ I think moving to Oklahoma has forever changed that lol I don't know if it is the extreme weather changes or the stupid sirens. Where else can you live that can be 71 degrees one day and an ice storm the next??!! Plus Florida doesn't have sirens and the sirens are what scare me....I mean REALLY scare me! My first Saturday here I was driving down NW Expressway minding my own business when I heard this gosh awful sound. I slowed to almost nothing and rolled my windows down while calmly screaming "WHAT IS IT???" Then I pulled into a burger place and asked what the heck that noise was...after the man stopped laughing long enough to crack some joke about it being the dinner bell he informed me it was the test for the tornado sirens. Yeah that was fun..NOT! Then last month I was on the phone with a friend when the sirens went off. It was a surprise thing. This is from the weather blog from that day
Thursday, March 29, 2007

What did Advantage Doppler HD see?
We tracked the tornado mile by mile as it worked through the western sides of the metro. It was a very unusual event because the tornado did not spawn from a typical supercell storm. It appeared to develop from a small convergent wind area where south winds and east winds met over eastern Canadian county. That small area was enough to get the tornado started. Most of the time these types of tornadoes are very weak and seldom do damage, today's was a completely different story. It will be studied for years. For the hard core enthusiasts, we've placed a track of the tornado from the radar here that you can view. We plot the intersections and the wind speeds. Estimates are currently at EF2 damage which would mean winds from 111 to 135mph. Likely on the lower end. Official word will come from the NWS tomorrow afternoon.

She is from Oklahoma and panicked which totally freaked me out... I was left standing there holding a phone and telling the kids "I think we are supposed to go into the bathroom"...of course, this was AFTER I did a little freak out dance and said "what do I do?" Yeah you definitely want to be with me during a weather emergency;-) She had promised to call me back after she got her kids safe but the phones all went down so that took awhile...yeah I pretty much freaked out that day lol After I calmed down I was just thankful that we were all ok and home together. That was enough excitement so I was hoping that was it for tornadoes...Then today happened... I received an email this morning telling me to be weather aware and they promised to tm or call if things got worse. So I was calm knowing that someone was watching the weather and would tell me if I needed to worry. Then around lunchtime I could hear the thunder..things got pretty rough and I was started to get nervous. It was really dark outside. I have this need to have my kids all with me when things are like that so I was trying not to panic inside...honestly they are probably safer at school than with me running around screaming things like "what do I do??" lol I tm a friend and they told me not to worry ...THEN the sirens went off....now I am still confused about this because my 3 kids go to other schools in the same area and they didn't hear it!! It wasn't just me that heard it either because soon they were running down the halls of the school yelling for the kids to return to 3rd block. We haven't had a tornado drill so I wasn't sure what to do or why nobody else was freaking out...nobody except me:-) I WAS freaking out!! My coworkers kept telling me to relax but cmon how do you relax when you don't know what is going on??? lol I ran to the "safe place" and called my friend who had no idea what happened either...I STILL don't know what happened but hopefully they will say something on the news tonight. All I know is THAT! FREAKED! ME! OUT!! Oh my word will those sirens ever get easier?? And how long IS tornado season anyway??


Thank You!!

I appreciate all the comments and emails regarding this post. It is nice to know that people care and not everyone feels that way. I know I shouldn't be so sensitive since I KNOW this is God's will and I KNOW He has directed our steps. I loved what Ramblin' Educat said in the comments when she said "The problem with a blog is that when you give some people a part of your life, they assume they own the rest." (if you haven't already go check out her blog..she is a pretty amazing lady) And nobody knows what I lived through for the last 18yrs except maybe Merci and that is because God blessed me with her friendship....I know that I know that I know that I know that I know this was the right thing to do and every day I know that even more. There is NO doubt!! NONE! So while I appreciate discussing scripture THIS part is not up for discussion:-) Oh and for those in the OKC or Edmond area check out the Single Mom’s Conference in June. I am hoping I get to mirl the wonderful Ame ...I still can't believe that I am a "single Mom" and I wonder if that will ever get easier to say. Trust me this is NOT what I had planned for my life. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and Mother...now that has been taken away so I have to figure out our new normal but I will...with God's help I will:-)


Yeah I was on a break BUT

I am interrupting my break to clarify something. I received a very hateful letter in email from someone who chose to hide behind a fake screenname so I can't reply in private. The only thing I will say about that is I have sitemeter and I know who reads here and I have a pretty good idea who you are. Honestly that doesn't even matter and if you would like to continue this in email feel free to email me with your real screenname or email me and we can make arrangements to do this on the phone. I will give you a chance to be heard if that is what you want and I am an adult so I can do this without fighting. Its your move....

Ok here goes...

you may disagree with me or the choices I have made but that doesn't change the fact that I AM a Christian. I know that. I know I have asked Jesus in my heart and He dwells there.
1 John 5:12-14 (New International Version)
He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

you may not agree with my leaving my husband but you didn't live my life and you don't know all the details. I know what God told me and that is all that matters. I won't defend this decision. Funny I just posted on peoples attitudes
here ...that is ALL I will say on that matter:-)

I did not choose to "stick my head in the sand" about the VT incident. I KNOW my limits. You may disagree with me but I can't watch the media.... I CAN pray. I do not need to see the cameras in the face of the victims or their families at a time that I believe should be private...who wants to be on camera right after they found out about their loved one?? When I read your email I was angry. I am not anymore. I am glad I couldn't respond immediately and I have had time to pray and think about it. When I was praying this morning I kept thinking you don't know me and you don't know my heart... maybe that is my fault because I hold people at an arms length and try to hide my feelings...maybe it is because you don't know ME personally. I am a very loving and sensitive person. I feel things differently than most and I used to think that was a bad thing but it is the way God made me so it can't be too bad kwim? I can't watch the images on tv and then forget about them. They stay with me for years and some forever. I can't stop seeing them so I try not to fill my head with them. I don't NEED to see them to pray and maybe that is what I need to explain to you. I care A LOT about what happened. I am not "choosing to ignore this horrible tragedy". I have been praying for those who lost someone, those who witnessed it, those who watched the tv and were affected deeply, those who will feel guilt forever for not doing something and I have even prayed for the parents of the man who did this. I know it may not be a popular thing but I am not angry about what happened...I am just sad...really really sad:-( I am sad that someone was hurting so much that they felt they had to do this. I saw his picture and wanted to hate him but I couldn't....all I could see was his family and how much they are going to have to go through because of their sons actions. I hurt for those who lost children especially the two I heard about that lost their only child...I can't imagine:*( I hurt for those whose lives will forever be changed because they saw it happen. I hurt for ALL of those involved. I can't change what happened and what you see as me "hiding" is just me protecting my heart from things I can't fix. Oh and not that I should have to explain myself but I don't "hide" from bad things.... I have watched friends bury their youngest son and I held them while they cried, I have held little girls when they lost their Mother who was taken suddenly, I held my MIL when she took her last breath, I have lived through hurricanes and seen the devastation that was left behind. I have no problem helping when there are things that need to be done BUT I can't watch the tv. When Hurricane Katrina hit, my church fed several families that lost homes and I can do that stuff all day but I can't watch the tv. I don't see that as hiding. I just have a need to DO something and when things like this happen and I can't DO something I have to stop and pray to the
One that can or I will crumble...And I am not hiding I am praying. Anyway, I am sorry that you feel that I am not a Christian because I said I needed to take a break . You are entitled to your opinion but it saddens me that you sooooo missed my heart. I do care about what happened. I care A LOT. And I am praying......


Taking a Break

I need to take a bloggy break for at least a week. This is a side of me I wish I could hide but I am very sensitive even if I try to act tough. I already canNOT watch the news because it makes me cry. I can't see people hurt without wanting to stop and do something to fix it. Today I came home to pictures of this horrible tragedy on my welcome screen and I know this week will be the 12th anniversary of another senseless tragedy ...I still remember watching the original footage and sitting there nursing my oldest and just bawling. Now I live here and it touches me on a whole nother level. Then there is Kelli and Heather that need prayers. So much going on and I feel soooooooooooo helpless. I am learning that when I get to this point I need to just stop and pray. I am on emotional overload and already hanging on by a thread. I can't do this right now. So this week I am going to spend whatever time I would have on blogging or reading blogs and spend it praying instead. My heart just breaks for all of the families involved. Every one of those people was somebody's child or Mom or Dad or sister or brother... oh it just breaks my heart:***( Anyway, I just wanted to let ya'll know where I disappeared too so you didn't worry. My email and phone will still be open if you need me for anything else.


Mr Magoo

Oh my word!! I can SEE!!! I knew I was having a problem reading but I didn't think it was bad enough to get an eye exam. I so do not have the face for glasses so I had every excuse in the world to not go. Some people look great in them but I have a long narrow face and glasses just overpower me. Yesterday I finally broke down and went because I am a responsible adult;-) I did need glasses:-( The lady that worked there was wonderful and quickly figured out that I was serious when I said glasses look horrible on me lol She found some small enough to do in the kids section. I figured I would wear them at home where nobody could see but I could still read without getting a headache...then I put them on...oh my word I have been missing out on so much! I was surprised at the difference lol I looked at my middle son and said "I didn't know you had freckles!!" and I was serious! The trees that were beautiful before have leaves on them. I don't think I can describe how different everything looks! I didn't even take them off till bed last night because I was just amazed that I can see. Oh and for those who know me I hate shopping and that includes the mall. I HATE the mall. I haven't even been inside a mall since I moved to Oklahoma almost 9 months ago:-) The eye place was in the mall but all I knew was it was on the second level..you would think that I would have asked what store it was near but nope. Of course, I parked on the opposite side from where it was and thought we could just walk quickly and get in and out. I am not real fond of large crowds or being stuck inside a mall. I was walking with one thing on my mind and I kept hearing "Barbie Barbie Barbie" so I looked around and every time I turned a corner there was someone else I knew. My kids thought it was so funny because here I was stressed and wanting this over with and I kept running in to everyone lol And before you think I am just this popular person I work in a high school and guess where kids hang out? the mall!! Anyway, I just wanted to share that I CAN SEE! I can't believe I was that blind and didn't know it:-)


Body of Christ

I have been thinking a lot lately about giving and receiving. When I moved to Oklahoma I was put in a position where I HAD to receive. When my car broke down or when I had surgery I was actually helpless and had no choice but to receive. I always wonder when God takes me out of my comfort zone what He is trying to teach me. Not because I am all spiritual and stuff but so I can learn and move on lol I don't like living outside of my comfort zone. I knew moving here He was trying to teach me to trust Him and I guess part of trusting Him was knowing He would supply all of my needs and He could use men to do it...Luke 6:38 KJV: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
It has been humbling to say the least. I am a much better giver but I have realized that giving IS my gift so it is easy to do. I have no problem bringing meals, cleaning and middle of the night phone calls don't bother me. There is no cost involved for me because it is how I am wired so I don't even see it as a big thing. What I have learned since I have been in a position of receiving is HOW much the little things can impact someones life. In some cases change the whole course of it! I know I have shared with ya'll before but I am blessed to be friends with one of the Godliest women I have ever known. (Stop cringing! I know you are reading so don't worry I won't link ya or mention your name;-) ) For as long as I have known her she has been a willing vessel just waiting to be used of God. I have seen her serve in various areas at church mostly involving children which blesses me on a whole nother level because I was a bus kid. I have seen her organize dinners for people who have had surgery, babysit others kids, sit at the Drs with friends who were sick...anything God has asked and even some things I am sure He didn't she was willing to do. She blesses me just by breathing but since I have been in Oklahoma she has gone over and beyond. How do you thank someone who has impacted your entire families life? How do you repay someone for that? Don't get me wrong I give God ALL the glory but I also thank Him for bringing her family in my life. I thank Him for that EVERY DAY! I can't imagine how different last week would have been without them or even last year! Because of her parents I had a lawyer willing to do this pro bono...because of her when my emotions took over she reminded me this had NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with God's will and she prayed...she prayed right there in the court house:**) She has been there for me in so many ways over the last year that I am sure without her love and support I don't think I could have done this... The best part is she never tried to do God's job and THAT itself is a gift. She always pointed me to the One that could. Anyone can tell you what you want to hear but a true friend reminds you of what God says and points you back to Him. So thank you friend. I could go on and on with the things she has done but I don't want to take away from the fact that what she really did was just be the Body of Christ. And although I know I can never repay her in this lifetime for all that she has done she knows I will try:-) I do pray that God blesses her beyond measure and I hope that I can learn from her and be that kind of friend to others. So do me a favor and go out today and be the Body of Christ to someone...it DOES make a difference:-)


I actually forgot this was our first Easter alone! I know that doesn't seem like a big thing for most of you but those who have been through this will understand THAT IS HUGE! I also feel relaxed for the first time in a long time. I feel like I have been on red alert for so long and now I can relax. I haven't shared this part on here because I know I have family on both sides reading and I didn't want to show my cards:-) Now I can...I am not one that likes surprises and I need to know what is going to happen next so I have been out of my comfort zone for awhile... But in October my stbx had threatened to make us move back to Florida. I went to see a lawyer at that time and although he couldn't force us to do it physically he could make it impossible for me to stay. It may not seem significant but he HAD the power to file in Florida for 6 whole months! If he would have filed I would have had to go back and forth to fight in court. There is no way I could afford to do that. The laws are also very different and Thursday would have had a different outcome. There are so many things that would have changed how this turned out but God took care of EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. That He loved ME enough is beyond humbling. I am just in awe. Getting jurisdiction in Oklahoma was just one part of it! the fact that I had an AMAZING lawyer that was willing to do this for nothing was another God thing! I didn't just get a good deal I got a "God deal"...When I left Thursday I kept thinking I was going to do that part withOUT a lawyer..oh my word I am so glad that God knew what I needed before I did! With this weekend being Easter I started thinking about the emotions of those who were there when Jesus was crucified.... to understand my thought process you would have to understand my crazy way of thinking and that would take an eternity to explain;-) I was thinking it is easy now to look back and see God's hand in this and knowing the outcome makes it easier to live but the whole not knowing was hard...that made me think about the disciples..no I am not comparing myself to them....but WE have the luxury of knowing how the story ends and they didn't. Can you imagine how they felt the day before he came back from the dead? do you think they were starting to doubt? they had followed him around for so long and then their Messiah was dead and buried. Having faith in the beginning is easy but when the days stretch on and you realize what you have lost and the future seems so bleak can you imagine?? On that Saturday night do you think they lost heart or were they still waiting for Him to come back? I don't know but I imagine on the Sunday morning there was a celebration that compares to no other...I hope you all have a wonderful Resurrection Sunday and for those is Oklahoma City that don't have a church home email me at Barbiemamato3@aol.com


It's over!!!

Oh my word that was STRESSFUL!! To think I was going to do that part without a lawyer!! I am so thrilled that God knew and took care of that need before I even knew it was a need. Yeah He is good like that:-D It was hard to see him and know that my whole life could change in just a few minutes. I was thrilled that I not only had an amazing lawyer but my dear friend and her dad went with me for support. He was a fun distraction and she knows me enough that she knew when to stop and pray in the middle of everything. THAT is a true gift!
The lawyers had this brilliant idea to put him and I in a room alone together to see if we could come to some kind of agreement...I should have known that was a bad idea before I agreed. He tried to do all the normal things to control the situation but I think he found out that I am NOT the same person that left him. I have found my voice;-) That ended with him leaving in a huff and me yelling things in the waiting room. Yeah I am so lovely! That is when my friend stopped everything and just started praying. I forgot for a minute that is was God's will we were seeking because my emotions took over. It was a blessing to have someone to remind of that lol After going back and forth his lawyer came back with something we could agree on so prayer works my friends!! I have FULL custody and he has 6 weeks in the summer with conditions. I won't go into all the details till the divorce is final because I NEED to see it in writing before I feel comfortable sharing. I just wanted to say thank you all again for the prayers! God is just so amazing and I don't know why I ever doubt that He will take care of me! He has and He continues to and His provision just blows me away. He has taken care of every detail to perfection and I am certain He will continue. I am just so thankful and so blessed.


To keep from stressing out about court IN!! THE! MORNING! I will tell you about my children...ya know since they are what I am fighting for:-)

My oldest is a lot like his Daddy and all the qualities I fell in love with...he is smart and sarcastic and funny. One thing he has that Daddy never did is compassion. He is the one that gets upset when his best friend isn't acknowledged for trying hard and making C's when he wins awards for making A's without trying. He will always seek out the child sitting alone so they don't feel left out. He is HUGE help around the house and rarely complains. He is still a teenager so we have our moments with him learning to deal with all the hormones but for the most part he is a joy. He is still very affectionate and still kisses me goodbye:-)

My middle child is very unique. He has always been quirky like he won't drink out of a can lol He is so very creative and loves to draw comic books. He is very good at it too! I can't even draw a stick figure but it comes to him so naturally. He sees things that most people miss and I love that. As a toddler he loved to color and always had a blank sheet to mix crayon colors to get just the right color. Even now at 10 if you give him a pen and paper he will sit and create something and he will do it quietly for HOURS. That is the only time he is quiet lol He is also my little lovey boy. He always makes sure to give kisses and hugs and tell me that he loves me. He reminds everyone to pray before bed and is extremely loving. As a baby he would lay next to me and nurse and rub my arm till he fell asleep. He loves for me to sleep with his teddy bear and will check on you a million times if you are sick.

My youngest is my baby girl. She is like a little grown up in a 7yo body. Some of the things that she says seem to come out of nowhere. After watching her for the last 7 years I are positive there are just some things that are inborn and have nothing to do with how you were raised. Yesterday was a perfect example. I HATE shopping. I believe I am missing that gene;-) I am content to wear jeans and a tshirt year round. My dd loves to shop!! I don't go very often so I have no idea what size I wear half the time so I end up taking 3 different sizes of everything in with me. I took a handful of items into the dressing room along with my dd. She looks around and sees two hooks and says "ok this will be the no pile and this will be the yes::::looking around with a serious look::::::::hmmm we still need a maybe pile" I am thinking either it fits or it doesn't but she had other plans lol She also would pick up EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF CLOTHING and say "this looks nice" One pair of pants I tried on she said "they look ok BUT you need a belt" Then she would loudly say that "this shirt might not show too much skin" This was after I tried one on and went WOOOHHHHH way too much cleavage and trust me I don't have that much so if you can see it ALL there is a problem. She asked what cleavage was and I told her skin and used that opportunity to talk about modesty in little girls...nobody better look at MY dd like that! I can't believe how fast my babies are growing up!!

Tomorrow can't come quick enough but they are worth fighting for and God is still in control:-)