4/18/2007

Yeah I was on a break BUT

I am interrupting my break to clarify something. I received a very hateful letter in email from someone who chose to hide behind a fake screenname so I can't reply in private. The only thing I will say about that is I have sitemeter and I know who reads here and I have a pretty good idea who you are. Honestly that doesn't even matter and if you would like to continue this in email feel free to email me with your real screenname or email me and we can make arrangements to do this on the phone. I will give you a chance to be heard if that is what you want and I am an adult so I can do this without fighting. Its your move....

Ok here goes...

you may disagree with me or the choices I have made but that doesn't change the fact that I AM a Christian. I know that. I know I have asked Jesus in my heart and He dwells there.
1 John 5:12-14 (New International Version)
He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

you may not agree with my leaving my husband but you didn't live my life and you don't know all the details. I know what God told me and that is all that matters. I won't defend this decision. Funny I just posted on peoples attitudes
here ...that is ALL I will say on that matter:-)

I did not choose to "stick my head in the sand" about the VT incident. I KNOW my limits. You may disagree with me but I can't watch the media.... I CAN pray. I do not need to see the cameras in the face of the victims or their families at a time that I believe should be private...who wants to be on camera right after they found out about their loved one?? When I read your email I was angry. I am not anymore. I am glad I couldn't respond immediately and I have had time to pray and think about it. When I was praying this morning I kept thinking you don't know me and you don't know my heart... maybe that is my fault because I hold people at an arms length and try to hide my feelings...maybe it is because you don't know ME personally. I am a very loving and sensitive person. I feel things differently than most and I used to think that was a bad thing but it is the way God made me so it can't be too bad kwim? I can't watch the images on tv and then forget about them. They stay with me for years and some forever. I can't stop seeing them so I try not to fill my head with them. I don't NEED to see them to pray and maybe that is what I need to explain to you. I care A LOT about what happened. I am not "choosing to ignore this horrible tragedy". I have been praying for those who lost someone, those who witnessed it, those who watched the tv and were affected deeply, those who will feel guilt forever for not doing something and I have even prayed for the parents of the man who did this. I know it may not be a popular thing but I am not angry about what happened...I am just sad...really really sad:-( I am sad that someone was hurting so much that they felt they had to do this. I saw his picture and wanted to hate him but I couldn't....all I could see was his family and how much they are going to have to go through because of their sons actions. I hurt for those who lost children especially the two I heard about that lost their only child...I can't imagine:*( I hurt for those whose lives will forever be changed because they saw it happen. I hurt for ALL of those involved. I can't change what happened and what you see as me "hiding" is just me protecting my heart from things I can't fix. Oh and not that I should have to explain myself but I don't "hide" from bad things.... I have watched friends bury their youngest son and I held them while they cried, I have held little girls when they lost their Mother who was taken suddenly, I held my MIL when she took her last breath, I have lived through hurricanes and seen the devastation that was left behind. I have no problem helping when there are things that need to be done BUT I can't watch the tv. When Hurricane Katrina hit, my church fed several families that lost homes and I can do that stuff all day but I can't watch the tv. I don't see that as hiding. I just have a need to DO something and when things like this happen and I can't DO something I have to stop and pray to the
One that can or I will crumble...And I am not hiding I am praying. Anyway, I am sorry that you feel that I am not a Christian because I said I needed to take a break . You are entitled to your opinion but it saddens me that you sooooo missed my heart. I do care about what happened. I care A LOT. And I am praying......

6 comments:

ame said...

i'm sorry someone would send you such a hateful email. i have not watched any of the news coverage at all - i simply do not watch the news. any news i need or want i read online.

it helps us none to watch such trauma over and over and over. it doesn't help them, either.

praying though, does help.

i see no need to justify your choice to divorce. there is no one on the outside of the bedroom door when it is closed who knows the truth. if they didn't share a bed in your marriage; they simply do not know. there are a lot of people who think they know, but they do not.

God is concerned with the heart ... it is man who is concerned by what we see. your heart is good, Barbie. rest in His peace and strength. unfortunately you will hear similar things probably for the rest of your life. we do not need to justify our choices to anyone, and God already knows.

take care of yourself, my friend, and let go of that which is not yours ... your life requires enough weight on its own without adding anything unnecessary.

Paul said...

Sorry to hear about your antagonist. The enemy inspires things like that. I am praying for your peace and victory. Hang in there! May the Lord fight the battle for you!

I have no doubt your heart is full of love and compassion. You don't have to watch TV if you don't want to...I rarely ever turn mine on. I sometimes go a week or two without it. Do you have to watch TV to be a Christian? I don't think so. Anyway, it is none of my business but I hope you find the peace you desire. God bless you!

educat said...

The problem with a blog is that when you give some people a part of your life, they assume they own the rest.

I take and cherish what you share and only want what you are willing to give. I hope that makes sense.

As for tragedy, we all deal in our own way. We are created to react in the ways that we do and each of our reactions will touch someone.

Lynn said...

It is so unfortunate that when someone speaks from their heart, as you do, that someone could choose to defame your personal opinions and beliefs. I guess if blogging had anything negative it would be that it lays us, the Christians, open for ridicule and worldly persecution. You just keep on being you and encouraging others by your strength through adversity. I know your tender heart was seared by the mean and hurtful words but just remember that whoever delivered them was delivering them from the prince of darkness. Be strong girlfriend.

Larissa said...

I am sorry that someone would do that. And NOT have the guts to leave their name. That obviously tells you a lot! And really you don't have to explain anything! You know you have taken the high road in many situations, and others can't read or feel what your very own heart has felt, as much as they would like to believe that they could!

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

I agree 100% with educat, you open up a part of your life and everyone assumes they have say in your entire life...