Fathers Day Ramblings

I made it through another Fathers Day!! One day I will be able to say I made it through without tears but at this rate it may be on the OTHER side of heaven! Honestly I would love one Fathers Day where I didn't have to be reminded that we are a statistic or this is hard on the children. Omgosh I know it is! It's hard on me! Everyday that I have to give this back to God and go in His strength I remember that fact...BUT I am thankful that I had a handful of men that I was able to thank for the role they play in my children's lives. I am thankful that there are men that take my Daughter to a Daddy/Daughter dance,
my sons to ballgames, shooting guns, camping, etc...those are HUGE in my childrens lives. This year I was blessed with people that knew I had to work and would just come pick them up and take them somewhere! anywhere!!It is the little things that mean the most! My children will always remember the memories they are making and the friendships they are forming. They haven't complained one time about not going to Florida this summer and I don't think they miss it! That is a direct answer to prayer! We have also been blessed with friends that have pools;-)We have been swimming more times than I can count! And to little kids that were raised in Florida that seems to be important lol It's going to be another 100 degree day so these are good things! Aside from their pools I am just so blessed in the friendship department that I DO thank God daily for the people HE placed in my life.
Now for the rambling part lol This Sunday our church did a community event...we are known for them so they are always big! My gifting isn't planning and organization so I have always been someone on the "outside" of the event. I don't mind helping but the planning part is left to those who can plan. Trust me it isn't me! I wanted to plan a surprise birthday party and was in tears trying to plan around peoples vacation schedules, family events etc...it is NOT my gifting! I pulled it off as you can see from this pic but not without tears and God lolI have been called to come up along side those planning and be their cheerleaders lol that is MY comfort zone! Anyway, this year I caught a small glimpse of what goes into the planning. I watched someone spend 3 months of their life praying, stressing, making calls, handing out flyers, going to events etc...I watched them do it just because they are obedient and that is who they are.... When they went to places that nobody else would go because "good Christians" don't go there I was reminded of these verses...

1 Cor19-23Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it! ...

These verses became so much more to me. I saw them in action!
It made me ask some hard questions!
What are WE doing daily to reach those who don't ever step foot in a church?
are we going to places that nobody else would be seen in?
who is going to share the love of Christ with them if WE don't?
I saw an event that some may see as work become a labor of love...not something that people can see "hey I did this...look at all the work I did" but as something that was WAY bigger than we even know. I saw connections being made! I saw something beyond what we realize. There are people that worked on this that will never get the credit they deserve BUT I know in heaven they will see the full picture. They will see the lives that were reached. They will see the full impact! I am a people watcher so on Sunday I looked around and saw people that have never been to our church come because it looked like fun lol We had cars and motorcycles and free food! Who wouldn't want to come! But I wondered if when they came they felt the love that we have inside the church. I prayed that people would walk around and not just talk to their friends but look for new faces...will these people come back next week? I am not pointing fingers at ANYone because these are the questions I asked MYSELF. Did I spend too much time with MY friends and not enough reaching out?? This WAS an outreach so did we do our part?? I don't have the answers but it has been on my heart since Saturday night. Sure I prayed all night but did *I* follow through on what God wanted from His people?? what He wanted from ME??Just questions that I don't have answers for.....
Anyway, my prayer is those that worked behind the scenes will know how much of an impact they made for the kingdom....that those who didn't come will still feel that pull to come...for those that did come they will return and find outstretched arms. I pray that in ALL of this God will be glorified and not the people. That is what it was about...celebrating Fathers Day with the greatest Father there is:-)


Ok...so...here I am:-)

It didn't take me this long to get my attitude in check lol I was just that busy!
This year started out so unlike what I expected. January is still such a blur because there was SO MUCH heartache and not just with my ex. My whole life started spinning out of control.... I won't go into all the details but a lot of things happened in the span of 2 weeks. Things that broke my heart in ways that surprised even me. I always thought my walls were higher but I have let them down with some and what I thought would happen did! I was hurt BUT I was also loved more than I ever imagined:-) So I have learned that letting my walls down wasn't entirely bad and I have no intention of putting them back up. I received way more love than I did hurt. And in the hurt I learned that even relationships that you think are healthy may not be. I don't want to use my past as an excuse but there are some things I am still learning. This time I learned that I need and want to be loved where I am at...I don't want someone trying to change me...that is Gods job and not someone elses. It was a good lesson and one I won't forget:-) Soooo friendships were reevaluated and one ended but the ones that remained have become so much stronger and for that I AM blessed! I have an amazing circle of friends. Friends that love me for who I am ....warts and all:-) I know I have faults and I am always growing but I don't need someone to point them out...just point out God and He will take care of the details;-) Truly I am beyond blessed because I believe life shouldn't be lived alone. Love and laughter are meant to be shared. I love my friends so much and they are an important part of my life. I hope each and every one know how important they are to me and how MUCH I love them. I purposed a long time ago to tell people how I really feel. Call me a big mush if you want but I don't want to miss an opportunity for someone to feel loved.....

Ok now to what has kept me from blogging...omgosh work! Now that school is out I feel like I can breathe! My ex didn't pay child support for 4 months and that totally hurt me financially but not like you would think. God had perfect timing and took care of all the details. I was pushed beyond tired...I didn't do this whole thing with grace and there were many tears and me asking God WHY WHY WHY!! I have been working more than one job and on some days I would come home and change for the next. I was tired! God knew that and took care of me when I didn't think I could go on. God used His people to encourage me...I remember going to church one morning totally exhausted and choking back tears...a lady that I didn't know brought over a little paper that I now carry around. It had some encouraging words and this verse...Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."...there were some other things written and I just felt like I got a hug from God telling me I could do this.. but in His strength! There were also days that I would come home physically exhausted and thinking I couldn't go one more day working 15 and 16 hour days back to back...I just didn't think I could and I would walk in my house and it would be spotless. My kids had to pull together during this time and they were cleaning but not like Mama would do it kwim? I have amazing friends that came while I was at work and cleaned everything. The Friday before Mother's Day I came home to not only the house cleaned but a roast cooking and dessert made! On the table there were fresh flowers and my place was set with a note and a card...oh my gosh that is something I will never forget and I will most definitely pass on when I get the chance. Those things were what got me through because I knew I was NOT alone..I not only had God but I had the whole body of Christ! God even took care of the finances...things like my cell phone bill that went down $600 a year!! That was actually cool..I remember sitting in church and knowing that God would have to work a miracle for us to come out of this ok. I remembered the verse in Malachi that said we could test Him so I did. I literally wrote out my tithe check and said "ok God show me" and the next day my cell company offered me a loyal customer rate. It wasn't something I went seeking out...they offered it to ME! I knew that was the just the beginning so I haven't missed tithing since that day lol I figured I couldn't afford to if we were gonna make it out of this without being homeless!! I couldn't cut expenses because we already live debt free so it took miracles like that ...or the time I paid my light bill and realized with the average billing I was a month ahead and there was nothing owed! Or the water bill I overpaid so it was nothing!...or the time I house sat for friends and they paid me VERY well. Between God's miracles and my paychecks (which also come from God) we were able to make it without being late or missing ONE bill or my kids going hungry! I have received two payments and the ex has reopened our entire case....oh my word he is trying to make this messy BUT I continue to hold onto the verse Exodus 14:14 (The Message)14 God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!"
The only contact we have had since Feb was in text message when he asked me about sending the kids to Florida. I explained my reasons why I was NOT sending them and that was the end. I was very matter of fact and didn't let my emotions enter the conversation. I do realize visitation is court ordered but I believe my reasons are valid. Plus he missed the cutoff on letting me know which weeks so we made other plans. My kids will be attending camp and my oldest will start his first job! I can't believe he is that old!! I am only working Friday and Saturday nights and even that is totally flexible. I love my second job!
This is the first summer I have had them since we moved to Oklahoma and I am totally excited about having them!! Anyway, that is where we are at...I am in the middle of a reopened case but trusting God because He never fails! I am off my main job until school starts back and enjoying the fact I work for the school system lol My life is full and my friendships are rewarding! I am SOOOO blessed even when I am tired:-) I will try to be better about blogging now that I am not working so much! Ok off to enjoy my littles....again thanks to all who emailed me!