Ok technically I still have to go one more day but the kids have been out since Friday. We are going to make the most of the next two weeks. They are going to Florida on the 14th for SIX weeks and then I don't know what I am going to do. I haven't been away from my kids for that long EVER. We have already gone over all the rules of being away from me and they have promised to call me every single night. I am going to give them an extra cell phone to take just in case. I think this is the worst part about divorce. I don't want to have to be away from my kids at all:***( This part sucks...


Psalm 119:11 (King James Version)
11Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

My middle child received a Bible for his birthday and he just LOVES it! Tonight he was sharing some stuff with his older brother and I had to grab the camera and grab a pic before they moved. How sweet is this?? I will leave out that they were reading the gross facts and giggling about things that apparently appeal to boys lol


My 100 Things About Me

Can you believe this is my 100th post?! I know it would have been more had I not deleted all the stuff from before I moved lol Still I know it is customary to do the "100 things about me" but I don't know if I can think of 100! I will try but trust me my life is pretty boring;-)

  1. I hate Elvis...I will just get this one out of the way but he is nails on a chalkboard to me
  2. I am the youngest of 7
  3. I was named after a song by The Temptations called Barbara and not Barbara Ann by the Beachboys;-)
  4. I was born and raised in Florida
  5. My oldest brother named me
  6. He died when I was 10
  7. I miss him
  8. He was 27 yo
  9. It was a hit and run
  10. They never found the man but I have forgiven him
  11. I have been on my own since I was 16
  12. I still lived on the same street most of my life including the last ten years of my marriage
  13. I didn't mind living 3 houses from my Mom because she is a good cook
  14. I miss her cooking
  15. I don't miss Florida
  16. I love Oklahoma
  17. I graduated from a private school
  18. I was 3rd in my class...hard to believe huh?
  19. I was a cheerleader and played several sports
  20. I graduated "Most Christian Leadership"
  21. Yet two years later I married an unbeliever
  22. That lasted almost 18yrs
  23. We lived in West Palm Beach for 3 years
  24. That was the only place other than Jacksonville I have lived
  25. My children were all born at the same hospital with the same Dr
  26. I was pregnant 5 times and lost 3 babies..I have 3 and that isn't creative math. My middle son was a twin
  27. I took fertility drugs for most of my pregnancies
  28. and Progesterone suppositories aka "slime bullets" to stay pregnant
  29. Pregnancy was hard on me
  30. I had hyperemesis with all of them
  31. Labor was easy
  32. I believe it was my trade off for vomiting 15+ times a day
  33. My longest labor was 3 hours
  34. Shortest was 1hr 45 min
  35. I spent 30 weeks in bed on a heparin pump with the last one
  36. I had a DVT from my groin to the back of my knee
  37. That is why she is the last one
  38. I wanted a "quiver full" but apparently my quiver is small;-)
  39. I had natural childbirth with the last
  40. I was induced with all three
  41. pitocin stinks
  42. I nursed all of them
  43. I didn't want to nurse the first one and was stocked up on formula
  44. He wouldn't take a bottle and I was too tired to fight him
  45. He had colic
  46. I think he stayed latched on for 3 months
  47. He was 25lbs at 6 months
  48. He is only 100lbs at 13
  49. I didn't even own a bottle with the other two
  50. I LOVED nursing
  51. I also cloth diapered
  52. We didn't use babyfood either
  53. We coslept so the crib was for decoration;-)
  54. Did I say I loved having babies? I did!
  55. I am now a single Mom
  56. I never thought I would be
  57. I should have gone to college before I got married
  58. I did go to Liberty University when it was still Liberty Baptist
  59. I only stayed a couple of weeks
  60. I couldn't stand that I couldn't listen to my own music
  61. My music was contemporary Christian
  62. It still is:-)
  63. Music is a very important part of my life
  64. even if I can't sing
  65. I was still in chorus in highschool and choir in church
  66. I can't dance either
  67. I didn't wear pants for years
  68. I still can't wear them to church
  69. I went to a church with a lot of rules
  70. Now I believe it is about a relationship and not rules
  71. I was a bus kid so I went alone
  72. I am thankful for my Sunday School teacher who introduced me to my Savior
  73. I still talk to her 25yrs later
  74. People who work in childrens ministry change lives and I am so thankful for them
  75. It isn't my gift
  76. My gift is compassion
  77. I never thought it was a gift till I needed it
  78. My life has changed drastically in the last year
  79. I moved 1284 miles from my home
  80. only to find my real home
  81. God called me here...I am sure of that!
  82. It was a HUGE leap of faith
  83. One I am glad I made even if it was outside my comfort zone
  84. I still don't feel grown up
  85. I wonder if I ever will lol I am just a big kid with a lot of adult responsibilities
  86. I love to laugh
  87. but I would rather hear others laugh
  88. I used to not have women friends
  89. I thought all women were catty
  90. now I really enjoy them
  91. when I love someone they know it
  92. I love with my whole heart
  93. I do like that part of me
  94. most of the time
  95. sometimes I think I love too much
  96. trying to think of 100 things is making my head hurt:-P
  97. I know I have mentioned this but I am running out of things to say. ..I hate black ink.
  98. I drink a lot of diet coke and I prefer it out of the can
  99. I don't like ice
  100. I did it but I'll bet you quit reading so I can put anything here and you wouldn't know lol

Well, that wasn't easy but it sure took my mind off my day...maybe I will share that tomorrow lol Nahhh but I will give you the brief version

dd had surgery
she took nap and woke up with a swollen eye
called Dr who did surgery and she said to bring her in
middle son decided it the perfect time to stick his tooth through his lip
oh the blood!!
and the screams
did I mention the massive amounts of blood??
Dr decided my hands were full so she called in a script for my dds reaction to whatever made her eye swell
I didn't know if he needed stitches and the blood was making me woozy
threw a washcloth on his face and jumped in car
called a friends dad freaking out and drove him over there
almost hit the same green van turning into their community that I almost hit this morning
did I mention I drive fast?
he went with me to the ER
the tooth went all the way through but didn't look too bad once the bleeding stopped
I still haven't cried but I am too tired to do that lol


Just some random ramblings!

This is the last week of school!! Part of me is just thrilled to have the break. This has been THE longest year of my life...I am sure of that!! lol What I didn't realize was that today I would be saying a LOT of goodbyes:-( The seniors graduated on Sunday and they don't have to come back to school after today. If it wasn't for all the snow days we are making up we would already be out but talk about an emotional day!! I love these kids and I will miss so many of them! I know teens get a bad rap these days but they really aren't all bad. In fact, MOST are really great! I believe if you talk to them and treat them like adults that you would be amazed at what you find out. They have opinions and some are truly amazing. I think they are just trying to figure out who they are in this world much like we were years ago. Oh gosh that made me feel old! I have had to choke back tears all day as they each hugged me and told me goodbye:**( As they told me their future plans I listened and I tried to encourage them to seek Christ in everything they do. Yes, I know it is a public school but my stance is not a secret. I don't hide my faith. I hope they all succeed and I will continue to pray for them. I just hated saying goodbye. If you would have asked me at the beginning of the school year if I thought I would care this much I would have said no. I didn't think I would get this close to them but I guess you can't see someone almost every day and not establish a relationship with them. I am so going to miss them. Some I will still see in church but others are going off to college. I know this is part of life and I am just thrilled for them. I remember all the hopes and dreams I had when I graduated and then I remember throwing them away to get married lol I wouldn't change the fact I had my kids but wow I made some bad choices!

Oh wait this was random stuff...here ya go!

This morning I took my kids to the bus stop and as I was waiting I noticed how big some of the kids were getting. I made a comment to my middle child that next year he would be in 5th grade and it would be his last year in elementary!! My oldest will be in 8th and it will be his last year in middle school! OH MY WORD I will have one in elementary, one in middle and one in high school!! Can I really be that old? My son pointed out I would be "like 40" when that happens so I pointed out that their favorite Auntie will be 40 on her next birthday. Without missing a beat my dd says "She is OLDER than YOU??!!" Geez thanks honey! I know she looks younger but you shouldn't point that out lol

Frosting really does change your mood...you should try it:-)

I don't have to work after next week...maybe;-) It really depends on if the kids are going to Florida but so far my STBX hasn't complied with much in the court order.

The pool opens this Friday and I will be in it:-)

I miss water but I don't miss the beach. I HATE the beach. Never have liked it either. Yeah it's all pretty and all but I have pictures.

I also don't care for Disney World.

The song
Only You by Philips, Craig and Dean has been in my head ALL DAY and I am listening to the CD right now:-)

He IS the great I AM and I have been spending a lot of time at His feet. Does wonders for your mood too;-)

I need Him and only Him. He really does complete me:-)

Ok I guess that is it because I am in a cleaning mood and the candle is lit, the music is playing and carpet fresh is sprinkled. Oh and if you are just that curious it is clean linen:-) My very favorite smell for candles or any air freshner lol

Oh and one more thing my dd is having surgery on Thursday so if you can remember to pray I would greatly appreciate it. It is nothing major but she is being put under and that always scares me.

Have a great Tuesday!!! Be blessed!!


Our Weekend

If you didn't already know I have been in a deep and dark pit...I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy or even my soon to be ex:-P I am slowing climbing out and the fog is lifting but I don't when I will feel normal again. I am going to see a counselor on June 1st so hopefully that will help some. This is the first weekend in almost a month that I felt "ok" so the kids and I have been making the most of it lol I offered to take them out to eat or somewhere fun and they just wanted a home cooked meal and to stay home. Only my kids lol They are not kids that enjoy eating fast food a lot and lately I have been doing a lot of quick meals so they wanted a "real meal". So I have been cooking all weekend and actually enjoying it. You can't tell from this picture but my dd is not one that usually likes "bad" food. She prefers salads over McDonald's french fries!! I even took them to Sonic for a milkshake last week and she got the Hot Fudge Shake and gave it to me because it had oreo cookies in it and she doesn't like them!! She wanted my diet coke with fresh limes instead lol So imagine my surprise when she started eating frosting with me....now you might need a little bit of history here...I LOVE ME SOME FROSTING:-P I could care less about the cake but give me the frosting and I am in my happy place. I think my eyes are fixing to roll back in my head in this picture because it is cream cheese frosting that I had left over from the red velvet cake I made. Yummy!! It doesn't get any better than that:-D Between my Father, my friends and my frosting I think I will be just fine;-)
Also to explain the background stuff in case you look at the picture enlarged...
The animal print thing on my table is an apron one of the students made me for Mothers Day
The blanket on the chair is because if my kids want to eat in front of the TV (GASP) I let them sit on a blanket:-)
That IS pledge on my table in case I get the urge to polish it...
not seen in the picture is the comet on the sink and the mr clean on the counter lol
Hey I am cooking I will work on cleaning next week.
The foil that you see is the pan the cake is on
Ok I think that is it;-)


Uh oh

The spot is gone... I still have no idea what it was but it is gone:-)

Do you see this weird spot?? I have no idea what that is but it is making reading anything hard! I don't know if this means my monitor is dying or what so if I disappear that is why. It is driving me insane!! I can live without my computer but geez trying to remember to pay bills without doing it online is going to be a pain:-) If you are computer savvy and have some idea what it is feel free to email me at Barbiemamato3@aol.com


Does it get any better??

I think my heart is just so full right now it might explode. As you can see I didn't go to church today. I didn't go because today they are doing a marriage breakthrough thing and I just can't do it emotionally. I really can't. Anyway, that is a whole nother subject.
For our first Mother's Day alone I was planning on surprising my kids with breakfast out but we stayed up late watching old Little House on the Prairie dvds lol So they slept in this morning while I enjoyed the peace and quiet:-) Actually I played on the computer and answered really old emails. I also received one that I will always remember and may read on those days I feel like a failure with my kids. You know who you are and THANK YOU again. I am still speechless:-)
When they woke up they all gave me the little things they have been making. Usually Daddy takes them shopping but I don't have that anymore. But the gifts they gave me I will always treasure. My dd had to fill out this paper from school where she filled in the blanks and on one part it said
She's as pretty as Gold
She weighs 100 Yeah I lol'd too!! The last time I was 100lbs was when I found out I was pregnant with her 13 yo brother!!
She is 5 feet tall...I am 5'6"
Her favorite food is Reese's...and I still weigh 100lbs? ROFL! But she is right I LOVE me some reeses! Have you tried the new Reese's crunchy candy bar?? TO DIE FOR!!
there was more but those cracked me up so I had to share.
My 10yr drew me a million pictures but his poem is what made me bawl. I am going to type it just like he wrote it

To Mom
You are my Mom and I love you,
You are always sweet,
You are never blue,
You are the best Mom,
In the entire world,
I'll pray for you every day
to the Lord.

Can you see why I cried??

Between the email this morning and my kids THIS might just be the best Mother's Day ever:-) And it is my first one single!! That IS an answer to prayer!
I am going to get ready and take my kids out for brunch:-)


Happy Mother's Day!!

Mother's Day is still a bittersweet holiday for me. If you have been reading here for a while you know that I struggled with infertility. I call my children my answer, my blessing and my gift because each one has a unique story about how they came to be mine. I do know they are on loan from God and that He loves them even more than me which is hard to imagine:-) Not because I don't think He can love...I think He IS love...but because I can't imagine anyone loving them more than I do. Still Mother's Day is one of those days that I remember most when I was still trying so hard to BE a Mom. It was a reminder of what I didn't have. My whole life all I ever wanted to be was a wife and Mom....we see how the marriage part turned out:-/ I didn't care about anything else but having kids. THAT was my dream. I wanted a houseful of babies just like my Mom had. I always pictured myself as someone who would stay home and take care of little ones till I couldn't have any more and then the Grandkids would come along and I would start all over lol I did stay home for 10yrs and I am grateful for that blessing but now I have to work. Thankfully it came at a time that my kids could go to school and thankfully I work at a school so I am home with them. I guess I should be grateful that I have done both so I can now relate to both sides. At one time I was more judgmental about sahm vs working mom but now I understand. I also thought breastfeeding and cloth diapering were the ONLY way to go but I have gotten over that too. It is funny how that stuff doesn't seem as important when your kids are older. Now I just think raising them to be Godly men and women are all that matters and hopeful God can show me how to do that. Anyway, the whole point of this is tomorrow at church look around and see those women with empty arms and give them a hug. They are hurting even if they don't show it. Infertility is SOOO hard when the desire of your heart doesn't happen in your time. Those arms feel soooooo empty:( Oh and give them a REAL hug because I can tell you that the one thing I miss the most being single is physical contact..I mean a hug from someone that loves you for you....someone that hugs you and means it. That is what I miss. Will you do that for me?? if you would like to join me I will also be praying tomorrow for those who are still trying to have a baby and for those who no longer have Moms on this side of heaven.


Thanks Mom Marrow Donor Drive
May 7 - 21, 2007
Ever think of being a bone marrow donor? Has the cost of donating kept you from doing it? You can join the program online between May 7-21 for FREE and you can do it from your chair RIGHT NOW. Just think you can join right now and possibly save a life:-) What better gift could you give someone??
Thanks Mom Marrow Donor Drive


The Old Lady

I have been going back and forth about whether or not to share this. I don't want this to take away from WHY I did it but I pray that you see my heart and my reasons. In the past I have struggled hard with raising my children with certain values and morals because of the HUGE differences with their Father and I. I never wanted it to turn into a fight or a "my way is right and his isn't" kind of thing. I encouraged them to always look to the Bible for their answers since mine were my convictions or opinions. I haven't had to do that for 9 months and if you haven't lived in both situations you might not understand how freeing that is:-) FTR I never did and I never have spoke ill of their Father.
I have always been thankful that my children have a soft spot in their heart for others even if they are loud;-) When someone is sick my youngest is quick to say "lets bring them dinner or send them something in the mail" and my oldest has asked me to stop and bring the crossing guard a drink on a hot day. My oldest and youngest are much more open about their feelings but my middle child is the one I think that has the most sensitive heart. He just isn't as open about it. Our life has changed so much in the last 9 months. SO MUCH. Back home we used to eat out all the time but now it is a rare occasion. As my children pointed out yesterday it was only the second time I have taken them out ALONE here. We had some appts yesterday and on the way back I was thinking I still needed to go grocery shopping and when I looked at the time I knew they had to be hungry so we stopped to grab a bite. We found this little hole in the wall diner because they always have the best food. They didn't disappoint and as we were sitting there eating our greasy food I noticed an old lady sitting alone. I wondered if she was all alone in the world or if this was her escape from home while the visiting nurse was taking care of her dying spouse...yeah I tend to really think of every possible scenario. I couldn't stop thinking about her and without really thinking when the waitress handed me our check I asked for hers. The waitress said "oh! you want Donna's check? do you know her?" and I explained I didn't but I wanted it anyway and she went on about how this lady came in everyday alone and read half a book and left. Everyday without fail. All alone. Something about that made me sad inside..WAS she all alone in the world? does she know Jesus? who will take care of her when she can no longer get around? who will shop for her? and when I turned back to the table all 3 of my kids were staring at me. Finally my middle child broke the silence and said "that was a very unselfish thing to do Mom" and I told him "but it was the right thing to do"...that little act that seems so natural to do was so big to them. It wasn't the first time I have done that but it was the first time they saw it because I couldn't walk away from them to pay since it is just me. I never realized how much it would touch them. I mean seriously touch them. My kids were still talking about it on the way to the grocery store. My oldest was cute because he is growing up and I want him to learn how to budget so I have been showing him how. He knows that we live on a tight budget but we do ok. When we got in the car he asked "can we even afford to do that?" and then before *I* could answer he said "yeah I guess so because no good deed goes unrewarded" lol Now I don't share this because I want a pat on the back because that is why I didN'T want to share it. I do love to bless people but I prefer to do it in private. I know where my blessings are:-) I just want to encourage those of you with children to allow them to see that stuff. They are watching and learning and the look on their faces when you do it is just priceless. What started out with me wanting to bless someone else turned into ME being blessed. For a minute I got to see what truly is important in raising my kids....


Diet Coke with Lime

I don't have a problem
I can quit at any time
Sad thing is this doesn't include the 2 in my fridge
Or the ones I have at work


I am Weary

Websters defines weary as 1 : exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness
I think that fits right now lol I am going to try and type this without sounding whiny and honestly I don't even have the strength TO whine. I swear I am in the middle of the longest weeks EVER. My oldest was at the ER both Sunday and Monday and we saw a Dr in a nearby town on Tuesday. I felt like I had a newborn again with getting up for round the clock breathing treatments. In the end he is on Albuterol and Pulmacort mixed for neb treatments, Prednisone, ProAir inhaler, Singulair and Advair 250/50 not to be confused with the 100/50 that he was on. I did love the way the Dr looked at me and said "why do you have him on Advair 100/50?" like *I* prescribed it! UMMM duh because the guy with the prescription pad wrote Advair 100/50..anyway, it looks like he wasn't getting enough of the meds because he is 13 and the size of some adults. He is doing better now. Then today since I totally missed that my dd needed glasses I had the boys checked...now what are the odds that ALL of my children would need glasses?? I mean it has to be crazy odds but they all did! My oldest has an astigmatism, the middle one needs reading glasses and my dd was far sighted. Yeah wonderful Mom that I am thought that the eye exams we did at school were enough...after all *I* was the one doing them and look how qualified I am! I guess little cardboard cutouts to cover your eyes and having them stand on masking tape X's on the floor while reading an E pointing different ways is not a substitute for a real Dr. Then this Friday I am taking them all to the Dentist because if they are going to Florida for the summer I want to take care of all of their appts. now. All I know is this week has been an insane week and one of those weeks that make being single hard. It would have been nice to have someone to share some of the load with...someone to be scared with me at the Drs....someone to help with breathing treatments in the middle of the night...someone to even help with dinner...I am just tired...but not the tired that a good nights sleep will cure. I don't even want anyone to take my kids so I can rest...I just want to have some fun withOUT having to do everything...I want a break but not from my kids...I want a break from life and all the stupid responsibilities that go along with it. It has been 9 months... this HAS to get easier. It has too:**(


My Daughter

Thanks to my dd's "Auntie" I had her eyes checked. She had been complaining of headaches when she came home from school but glasses NEVER crossed my mind....stress, brain tumors and stuff like that did but not glasses.....just call me Eeyore:-/ It turns out she is farsighted like her Mom and needs them for reading. Since I am just such a wonderful Mom and missed this TOTALLY I made an appt for both boys for tomorrow. Hey if you add 30yrs and 100lbs to this picture you will have me lol I have blue eyes and she has brown but other than that she is my "mini me"