I am Weary

Websters defines weary as 1 : exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness
I think that fits right now lol I am going to try and type this without sounding whiny and honestly I don't even have the strength TO whine. I swear I am in the middle of the longest weeks EVER. My oldest was at the ER both Sunday and Monday and we saw a Dr in a nearby town on Tuesday. I felt like I had a newborn again with getting up for round the clock breathing treatments. In the end he is on Albuterol and Pulmacort mixed for neb treatments, Prednisone, ProAir inhaler, Singulair and Advair 250/50 not to be confused with the 100/50 that he was on. I did love the way the Dr looked at me and said "why do you have him on Advair 100/50?" like *I* prescribed it! UMMM duh because the guy with the prescription pad wrote Advair 100/50..anyway, it looks like he wasn't getting enough of the meds because he is 13 and the size of some adults. He is doing better now. Then today since I totally missed that my dd needed glasses I had the boys checked...now what are the odds that ALL of my children would need glasses?? I mean it has to be crazy odds but they all did! My oldest has an astigmatism, the middle one needs reading glasses and my dd was far sighted. Yeah wonderful Mom that I am thought that the eye exams we did at school were enough...after all *I* was the one doing them and look how qualified I am! I guess little cardboard cutouts to cover your eyes and having them stand on masking tape X's on the floor while reading an E pointing different ways is not a substitute for a real Dr. Then this Friday I am taking them all to the Dentist because if they are going to Florida for the summer I want to take care of all of their appts. now. All I know is this week has been an insane week and one of those weeks that make being single hard. It would have been nice to have someone to share some of the load with...someone to be scared with me at the Drs....someone to help with breathing treatments in the middle of the night...someone to even help with dinner...I am just tired...but not the tired that a good nights sleep will cure. I don't even want anyone to take my kids so I can rest...I just want to have some fun withOUT having to do everything...I want a break but not from my kids...I want a break from life and all the stupid responsibilities that go along with it. It has been 9 months... this HAS to get easier. It has too:**(


ame said...

spring 06 my girls missed so much school i had to petition the school to let them move to the next grade. i think my oldest missed something like four weeks of school in one sememster. they just kept getting sick and sick and sick and sick. throwing up viruses ... fever viruses ... etc, etc. i was so worn and exhausted. i didn't think i would ever survive much less move forward. and i had NO help. none. none. none. none. none. none. none. none. no one seemed to get it. no one. no one seemed to get the exhaustion beyond description. no one. no one. no one. my girls would be throwing up all night long ... and all the laundry that goes with it ... and they would try to call their dad ... and he wouldn't even answer the phone. and people would say all i needed to do was ask and i would have help ... well, they all lied ... all of them ... they all flat out lied. because i asked for help, and no one was willing to help me ... no one. no one. no one.

i am so sorry you are here. really, it will get better. and if you will allow God to take your children into His care while they are with their dad, you will find yourself sleeping a LOT and doing a lot of nothing and no schedule. i learned the hard way NOT to plan all this stuff for me to do when they are with their dad ... i truly need the rest ... the absolute down time ... the not having anything on the calender time. so, do NOT schedule your time alone rigidly. i would make a list of things you would like to do, but not make commitments that would be difficult to break. you will really, really need to release your children into the arms of God, NOT worry, and rest. you will really, really need the rest.

i understand. i really do. it is SO hard when they are SO sick for SO long and there is no one to call for help. i understand. Dear God, cover Barbie with all she needs to get through this very difficult season. Heal Barbie; heal her kids. I love You, Ame

mamabeck said...

sending you a long-distance hug, hon.

It WILL get better. Read your Bible Promise box for today: Phil 1:6. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". He's beside you all the way, Barbie!


Natalie said...

HI Barbie,

I just wanted to send you a cyber hug and let you know that it does get easier. I have been doing it on my own now for 6 years. There are still times that I wish that someone else would step up, but they are much further apart than they use to be. I get what you mean about it not being about the kids. It is not that we want to be without them, we just want someone else to help - with stuff - the stuff that seems to never end.
From one Mum doing it on her own to another - Hang in there hon - it is only a season - it too will pass.

Sarah said...

Hugs to you and my heart aches about all those same things with you.
Phil 4:6
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
I have taken a much needed break from blogging, actually it is more my normal ostrich approach, but it is time to get back in the swing. I continue to pray for you and the kids.

Paul said...

Hang in there. You WILL survive. It might not seem like it right now, but you will.

I'm praying for you!

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

I'm sorry that everything seems to be so heavy right now. Praying for you.

eph2810 said...

Barbie, when I read all you are going through, I feel silly that I am weary...Although I am burned out, I share responsibilities with my hubby. I think I needed to read this post today!

Be blessed, because you just blessed me.