Happy Mother's Day!!

Mother's Day is still a bittersweet holiday for me. If you have been reading here for a while you know that I struggled with infertility. I call my children my answer, my blessing and my gift because each one has a unique story about how they came to be mine. I do know they are on loan from God and that He loves them even more than me which is hard to imagine:-) Not because I don't think He can love...I think He IS love...but because I can't imagine anyone loving them more than I do. Still Mother's Day is one of those days that I remember most when I was still trying so hard to BE a Mom. It was a reminder of what I didn't have. My whole life all I ever wanted to be was a wife and Mom....we see how the marriage part turned out:-/ I didn't care about anything else but having kids. THAT was my dream. I wanted a houseful of babies just like my Mom had. I always pictured myself as someone who would stay home and take care of little ones till I couldn't have any more and then the Grandkids would come along and I would start all over lol I did stay home for 10yrs and I am grateful for that blessing but now I have to work. Thankfully it came at a time that my kids could go to school and thankfully I work at a school so I am home with them. I guess I should be grateful that I have done both so I can now relate to both sides. At one time I was more judgmental about sahm vs working mom but now I understand. I also thought breastfeeding and cloth diapering were the ONLY way to go but I have gotten over that too. It is funny how that stuff doesn't seem as important when your kids are older. Now I just think raising them to be Godly men and women are all that matters and hopeful God can show me how to do that. Anyway, the whole point of this is tomorrow at church look around and see those women with empty arms and give them a hug. They are hurting even if they don't show it. Infertility is SOOO hard when the desire of your heart doesn't happen in your time. Those arms feel soooooo empty:( Oh and give them a REAL hug because I can tell you that the one thing I miss the most being single is physical contact..I mean a hug from someone that loves you for you....someone that hugs you and means it. That is what I miss. Will you do that for me?? if you would like to join me I will also be praying tomorrow for those who are still trying to have a baby and for those who no longer have Moms on this side of heaven.


Ame said...

i understand ... me, too ;)

Lyndy said...

Barbie, I too only ever wanted to be a wife and a mommy. Since I am divorced and 38 the mommy thing will probably never happen, so Mother's Day is always bittersweet for me too.

Sounds like you had a great day though and I am so gald. Those first holiday's after a divorce can be hard.

You are doing great.

Hugs, Lyndy