Ok...so...here I am:-)

It didn't take me this long to get my attitude in check lol I was just that busy!
This year started out so unlike what I expected. January is still such a blur because there was SO MUCH heartache and not just with my ex. My whole life started spinning out of control.... I won't go into all the details but a lot of things happened in the span of 2 weeks. Things that broke my heart in ways that surprised even me. I always thought my walls were higher but I have let them down with some and what I thought would happen did! I was hurt BUT I was also loved more than I ever imagined:-) So I have learned that letting my walls down wasn't entirely bad and I have no intention of putting them back up. I received way more love than I did hurt. And in the hurt I learned that even relationships that you think are healthy may not be. I don't want to use my past as an excuse but there are some things I am still learning. This time I learned that I need and want to be loved where I am at...I don't want someone trying to change me...that is Gods job and not someone elses. It was a good lesson and one I won't forget:-) Soooo friendships were reevaluated and one ended but the ones that remained have become so much stronger and for that I AM blessed! I have an amazing circle of friends. Friends that love me for who I am ....warts and all:-) I know I have faults and I am always growing but I don't need someone to point them out...just point out God and He will take care of the details;-) Truly I am beyond blessed because I believe life shouldn't be lived alone. Love and laughter are meant to be shared. I love my friends so much and they are an important part of my life. I hope each and every one know how important they are to me and how MUCH I love them. I purposed a long time ago to tell people how I really feel. Call me a big mush if you want but I don't want to miss an opportunity for someone to feel loved.....

Ok now to what has kept me from blogging...omgosh work! Now that school is out I feel like I can breathe! My ex didn't pay child support for 4 months and that totally hurt me financially but not like you would think. God had perfect timing and took care of all the details. I was pushed beyond tired...I didn't do this whole thing with grace and there were many tears and me asking God WHY WHY WHY!! I have been working more than one job and on some days I would come home and change for the next. I was tired! God knew that and took care of me when I didn't think I could go on. God used His people to encourage me...I remember going to church one morning totally exhausted and choking back tears...a lady that I didn't know brought over a little paper that I now carry around. It had some encouraging words and this verse...Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."...there were some other things written and I just felt like I got a hug from God telling me I could do this.. but in His strength! There were also days that I would come home physically exhausted and thinking I couldn't go one more day working 15 and 16 hour days back to back...I just didn't think I could and I would walk in my house and it would be spotless. My kids had to pull together during this time and they were cleaning but not like Mama would do it kwim? I have amazing friends that came while I was at work and cleaned everything. The Friday before Mother's Day I came home to not only the house cleaned but a roast cooking and dessert made! On the table there were fresh flowers and my place was set with a note and a card...oh my gosh that is something I will never forget and I will most definitely pass on when I get the chance. Those things were what got me through because I knew I was NOT alone..I not only had God but I had the whole body of Christ! God even took care of the finances...things like my cell phone bill that went down $600 a year!! That was actually cool..I remember sitting in church and knowing that God would have to work a miracle for us to come out of this ok. I remembered the verse in Malachi that said we could test Him so I did. I literally wrote out my tithe check and said "ok God show me" and the next day my cell company offered me a loyal customer rate. It wasn't something I went seeking out...they offered it to ME! I knew that was the just the beginning so I haven't missed tithing since that day lol I figured I couldn't afford to if we were gonna make it out of this without being homeless!! I couldn't cut expenses because we already live debt free so it took miracles like that ...or the time I paid my light bill and realized with the average billing I was a month ahead and there was nothing owed! Or the water bill I overpaid so it was nothing!...or the time I house sat for friends and they paid me VERY well. Between God's miracles and my paychecks (which also come from God) we were able to make it without being late or missing ONE bill or my kids going hungry! I have received two payments and the ex has reopened our entire case....oh my word he is trying to make this messy BUT I continue to hold onto the verse Exodus 14:14 (The Message)14 God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!"
The only contact we have had since Feb was in text message when he asked me about sending the kids to Florida. I explained my reasons why I was NOT sending them and that was the end. I was very matter of fact and didn't let my emotions enter the conversation. I do realize visitation is court ordered but I believe my reasons are valid. Plus he missed the cutoff on letting me know which weeks so we made other plans. My kids will be attending camp and my oldest will start his first job! I can't believe he is that old!! I am only working Friday and Saturday nights and even that is totally flexible. I love my second job!
This is the first summer I have had them since we moved to Oklahoma and I am totally excited about having them!! Anyway, that is where we are at...I am in the middle of a reopened case but trusting God because He never fails! I am off my main job until school starts back and enjoying the fact I work for the school system lol My life is full and my friendships are rewarding! I am SOOOO blessed even when I am tired:-) I will try to be better about blogging now that I am not working so much! Ok off to enjoy my littles....again thanks to all who emailed me!

No comments: