2/10/2007

Remember when I wrote this post? Well, I can explain that now. I moved to Oklahoma on Aug 1st and to be a citizen you have to be here for 6 months. Feb 2nd was that day. I already had the papers drafted but was having such a hard time filing. I still love him and this is so final. It feels so real kwim? God knew I would need that extra push so when he called and told me that he was at Disney World when the tornadoes hit Florida I got mad. I am sitting here raising HIS 3 children with next to nothing from him and he has time and money to go to Disney World? Oh heck no! That was enough to make me drive downtown alone. So I ventured downtown and filed the divorce papers. At first I felt a sense of peace because Oklahoma now has jurisdiction and he can fight, scream, kick, throw a fit but he has to fight in Oklahoma with their laws. Then it hit me that 18 yrs of my life were spent with him. So that weekend I tortured myself and pulled out the pictures and old home movies and cried and I cried and I cried till I didn't think I could cry anymore...I did find out you never run out of tears:*( I don't think I got out of bed much on Saturday except to cook. I hate this. I filed the papers "pro se" which just means I did it on own. I did have attorney draft them but he did it as a favor and he isn't representing me...I was just in a time crunch and needed something right then. I saw a lawyer on Wed and she is just awesome. She closed her door, ignored the clock and we spent 2 hrs going over a game plan. She is going to represent me:-) I am so thankful that God has placed people in my path that are helping me with this. I found out sooooo many things that just make me love the state of Oklahoma even more. I am starting to see why God called me here. Did you know sin is still against the law here? Isn't that awesome!! He is being served today. He already knows it is coming and he is NOT happy. I had 195 text messages yesterday to prove how unhappy about this he is and my Mom was cussed out by him. He is a control freak and this just rocked his world. I don't think he ever thought *I* would file. Once he reads the papers it will get worse. Hopefully he will get a lawyer and we can do this quickly. I knew he would flip out and threaten to take the kids so I had an injunction in place so they can't leave Oklahoma until this is settled. It is going to get REAL ugly but I am trying to rest in the fact that God has directed my steps from the beginning...that God called me here for a reason...that God IS in control. When this is all over I will be able to share with you all the things that God has done. I can't say too much right now because I have family that reads here from both sides. That is why I had to wait till he knew to explain to ya'll why I was freaking out and not answering IMs or emails. I have had a hard time dealing with this and my heart is breaking in the process. Still I know this is the right thing to do even if it hurts:*( I can do this because I have too. I have to protect my children and I will at all cost. I know a lot of people thought I could do this without having to move half a country away but yesterday I was grateful we weren't in the same town....he was angry and threatening but I knew it takes two days to get here and he would calm down. I had time to get things in place to keep him from being able to take them out of school. I had time. If we were in the same city I wouldn't have had that and the kids would be in the middle. As it stands two don't even know what is going on...the oldest knows because he has a cell phone and Daddy might call so I had to explain to him that Daddy might be mad but this is Oklahoma law and I have no choice...I love living in the Bible Belt where things like the 7th commandment still mean something and my kids don't have to be exposed to it because "sin is still against the law in Oklahoma"

5 comments:

Ame said...

stick to your game plan. good for you keeping the children out of the loop - i know that's hard, but it is in their benefit. my girls thought that when he moved out end of sept and the year ended, the divorce was final and over when in reality it wasn't till the end of may. it was of no consequence to them.

you are in the middle of hell, but you will not stay there. it will get ugly - even the best divorces do. but time will keep moving ... and so will you. and it will end. you are doing the best you can with the best wisdom and advice you can aquire, good for you. now leave it all in the hands of God who loves you and your children so much more than you can imagine. you WILL get through this; i promise.

have you signed up for www.divorcecare.com daily emails? i HIGHLY recommend them - they are spot-on every day. also, you can go back in my archives to oct 2005 - that's when i was where you are now.

keep moving. accept reality. let your body rest when it's tired. let God heal you. you WILL get through.

Barbie said...

Thanks Ame! I have signed up for the emails and I am on day 106 and they are such a help. I can be totally losing my mind and get an email that night that will tell me exactly how I am feeling. Its nice to feel understood. I know it is hard for those who haven't been there to understand and I guess I am thankful that they don't know the pain because as you know it hurts:-( It really really hurts...

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

I'm in Oklahoma too, and I love it here. Hope you enjoy your time.

Kilikina

kiliblog@cox.net

Lynn said...

Just take those baby steps and let God hold your hand over all the hills. Just like He has done.

Sarah said...

Hurting, crying, and praying for you~ as I am in the same place. He will heal and be merciful. Put on the full armor of God.