3/20/2007

Visitation

Once again I find myself apologizing for not answering mail...I KNOW you guys care and I appreciate your prayers and supportive emails more than you know...I just can't always bring myself to answer them because when I start opening up I start crying (like I am doing right now lol)...please don't take my silence as meaning I don't care because I do. I just don't know how to do this right now and breaking down isn't going to help. My kids Dad came in town Sunday night and wanted to spend Monday with the kids. We are in the process of getting divorced and deciding custody so I was worried he would take the kids and run. It is something he has threatened in the past so it isn't like I am just being paranoid. The fighting started before he even made it into town because I didn't feel comfortable with the kids staying overnight at the hotel. To get them ready I took recent pics, weighed/measured them, made sure I knew what they were wearing and took Daddy's license plate number down. We had a solid time for him to return them and I knew I wouldn't breathe until I had my babies back. Thankfully someone understood my heart and how hard this was for me and they took me to lunch and allowed me to spend the day with them. It was so nice to laugh even if I was crying inside. I stayed in touch with my oldest through text message so when I started panicking I could say hi and make sure they weren't on their way back to Florida. The kids were so excited about seeing their Dad but my middle child didn't want to go off without me. That made me sad. If one day was that HARD for me how am I supposed to do a whole summer or a few weeks??...ok can't go there yet....but thanks to a wonderful friend I didn't pace the floors. I didn't have to do this alone and that was such a blessing. She didn't let me cry because she made me laugh.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
I am thankful today that I have my children back with me safe and sound..I am thankful that God has placed people in my life that have been there for me and I pray He blesses them beyond measure because I know in this lifetime *I* could never repay them. I am thankful that I have a lawyer that will be going to court with me in less than 3 weeks. I am thankful that when I am quiet ya'll email or IM to check on me. I am thankful but I am also scared about the unknown. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and patience with me. This is hard...

2 comments:

ame said...

you're doing great. this is simply where you are, and where you're supposed to be on this "time line." do not let it discourage you. replying just must take a back seat - emotionally you just cannot do that now. and that's normal.

if you get a chance, copy this into a post for the covering - i think this is excellent.

it is simply THAT hard. it just is.

very, very thankful your kids are safe - they have a GREAT and SAVVY mom with great WISDOM!!!!!!!

Sarah said...

You are a true blessing to so many~ I am thankful that you have someone to PICK YOU UP!
I know that my day for this is coming, much sooner than I would like, knowing God is in complete control is my comfort. I too keep to myself rather than open up. My blog has seemed very neglected lately, and it is just that... HARD.
Hugs to you and your kids.