Overwhelmed

I am so beyond overwhelmed with the what ifs and our future that I am going to step back and take a break from blogging...I will update about my son for those who are praying. Before I go I want ya'll to know that I DO know that God is still God. I also know that being a single Mom is hard and lonely at times. I think Dr James Dobson answered it best here so I won't even try to explain....What encouragement can you offer to those of us who are single parents?
I think what people don't understand is that we are still human and God created us with the need for others. Adam had everything but God still created Eve so that Adam wasn't lonely...wouldn't it make sense that HE created us with this need? I think sometimes people forget that and think that we should be totally ok alone and just "trust God"...Don't get me wrong I DO trust God with everything in me but there are times I go to bed and cry myself to sleep because I have a LOT going on.....there are times I need to hear another adults voice after spending my days and nights with just kids...there are times I need others to just listen or pray with me...that doesn't mean *I* am lacking in faith. I am hurting right now and I am just so sick of hearing about how I should be coping...In Romans 12:15 the Bible says

15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

It doesn't say tell them how they should mourn or give them advice on how to lean on God. It simply says mourn with them. I guess what I am trying to get across is just imagine you have had a horrible day or you got horrible news and you share with your dh and he turns around and says "oh just trust God...you know He has a plan and works all things out for good" when all you really needed was a hug...how would you feel? Or imagine you are a teenager and you go to your parents and they say "just lean on God"....well, that is how I feel. I feel like because I am single I am expected to not have feelings anymore. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone other than me but I think a simple "I am sorry" would have been best. I guess in a perfect world....

Dr Appt update

There was some insurance issues yesterday so they scheduled a sweat test to be done next Tuesday. I don't think I mentioned but my son has a birth defect called Pectus Excavatum and apparently it can put pressure on the heart and lungs. It hasn't always been an issue but with the rapid growth during adolescence it can start causing problems. The Dr ordered a chest xray yesterday and called with the results today. I wish I could say it was great news but she let me know she is scheduling a CT scan to happen in the very near future. Honestly I am not dealing with this very well...I know what the Word says so PLEASE do not email me about having more faith or leaning on God because right now I am not there and trust me it won't be received well. I am sure it is hard having a sick child as a married person but being single it just feels overwhelming. I KNOW I have God but I also feel alone. I also know this is all on me....I have already had to miss work twice in the last two weeks and I have to take off next Tuesday ....this might just be the beginning. If he has to have surgery like they think then I will have to figure out how to do that AND put a roof over my kids head and food on the table. Anyway, I am sure we will be fine...we always are.

Today is the day

I wish I could say I am totally at peace and not scared but that would be a lie. My oldest is being tested for Cystic fibrosis at 2:30 central time today and I know that one word can change our lives. I don't know how long it will take for the test results but I am going to beg ask to get them asap. This waiting is killing me. Thanks for the prayers....I need them:*(

Loratadine 10mg... $27.59
ProAir (200 puffs) 8.5gm ...$122.89
Advair 250/50 ...$210.99
Pataday.2% 2.5ml ...$287.89
Nasonex 50mcg 17g ...$284.89
Albuterol 0.083%... $57.99
Prednisone 20mg ...$11.99
Epipen .3mg ...$123.99
weekly allergy shots...?? don't know yet

seeing your child breathe....priceless


**thankfully the kids are insured so I didn't pay the full price

Monday

It has been a long day and I really am without words so maybe this will explain some..see the needles in this one? that is the ones they used to test my sons allergies. The scratch test didn't show anything so they did the needles under the skin...

all I will say is it looked painful:-(

This is Mr Stud showing off the writing on his arms

This is right after the injections..ouch:(

It truly didn't take long for him to start reacting...
this is the left arm

This arm has the dust, trees and grasses..obviously this is the right

They did some other tests and Monday they will test him for Cystic fibrosis
That is really all I can say right now...thanks for the prayers.

Here I am...

My hand is still broken but I am getting used to it:-) It is hard to be right handed and not able to use your right hand!! Some of you have asked how I have been and what I have been up to and rather than trying to answer separate emails I will tell you here.....On Sept 5th I broke a bone in my right hand. It is not an interesting story so just use your imagination;-) I could have been skateboarding or playing football or something else fun or I could have just been in the wrong place..you decide:-P Because I am a single Mom that needs her right hand to work I am unable to wear the proper cast so it has been interesting. I am also so not a good patient so trying not to rip everything off and use it has been hard!! And my life hasn't slowed down either!!...I have been busy but busy having fun lol Let's see if I can break it down in days

Sept 5th-broke hand
Sept 6th-oldest wasn't feeling well (asthma) so my help was gone. I decided I was hard headed so I went grocery shopping and cooked two dinners since the next day I wouldn't have time.
Sept 7th--ate the second dinner and went to church for a dance...I was doing childcare so I couldn't get out of it.
Sept 8th-Waited for the cable guy to install my highspeed (OMWORD I LOVE THIS!!) and cable while I watched OU win YAY! lol That night Auntie Jesica made the birthday dinner for my "big" 8yo
Sept 9th-church
Sept 10th-wow I think we were actually home this night doing nothing
Sept 11th-we had our new neighbor and her 4 kids over for dinner...awesome family!
Sept 12th-we had church and I met a friend at Starbucks for coffee
Sept 13th-went with my favorite person in the whole world to see her son play baseball (he did an AMAZING job!!" and then we all went out to dinner....I LOVE seeing them!! Makes my heart happy!
Sept 14th-Went with Jesica out to dinner withOUT children...her wonderful dh watched all 6 of our kids :-) Then we went shopping and of course, STARBUCKS:-D We always have fun when we go off!
Sept 15th-went to a cookout at friends and watched Facing the Giants which makes me cry every single time
Sept 16th-hey that is today!! I worked in the infant room at church with 5 babies under 6 months:-) SO MUCH FUN!

I think that should catch everyone up...Oh my oldest is seeing a specialist in the morning because of the incident in Florida if you want to send up prayers....hopefully they can figure out what caused his esophagus to close so he couldn't swallow:-/ Thanks for asking. Hopefully my hand will heal quickly so I can type without pain...until then I am stubborn so I will be ok:-P

Happy Birthday - you're 8!

Hello everyone, my name is Jesica. I'm Barbie's friend. She only has one hand, so she asked me to blog for her.

Today was the girl-child's birthday. She's now a big 8 year old!

Because I'm awesome, I offered to do her birthday dinner at my house, to spare Barbie from one-handed cooking. (And her poor children who would have to eat it!)

Here's what the Princess requested.

Yes, that is right. The 8 year old asked for blackeyed peas and cornbread. She is NOT a normal child. But I do what I'm told, so that's what we had. See ...

After much noise and merriment, there was also cake.

A good time was had by all. The birthday girl got great gifts, emails, phone calls, and even one text message.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a 13 year old who needs his butt beat.

Goodnight

typing with just left hand
will be back when i can use my right hand again
if i don't answer email don't take it personally

How rude!

Are people really to busy to be nice?? Today I was trying to forget that it was a holiday because they are still hard for me. One day I will get over it:-/ I had some errands to run and I needed to pick up an answering machine because once I have highspeed my home phone will actually ring...did you hear I am getting cable and highspeed? ;-) FOR FOOTBALL!! While running around the kids wanted to stop and get dinner at this little hole in the wall restaurant they like. When we got there the place was closed because of the stupid holiday BUT there was a cell phone in the parking lot so I picked it up. I called the home number and left a message that I had their cell and to call it and we could figure out how to get it back to them. I couldn't leave it at the restaurant because they were closed. We ended up trying out a different one that some friends suggested and that was even better because OH MY WORD THEY HAVE FRIED CHICKEN LIVERS!!! <----that was my middle child lol As we are driving home the owner of the cellphone called and just said "meet me at waffle house" and I explained that I have NO idea where that is and she needed to give me some directions. After telling her that I was near the Starbucks (I was so getting Starbucks) on Rockwell and NW Expressway she said she would meet me at Target. So I wait and wait and wait some more while sitting on the red benches with my 3 kids and 2 Target employees....If you know me I can't sit anywhere without becoming friends with whoever is sitting next to me and finding out their life story...I am so annoying like that! Anyway, the owner of the cell phone drives up and calls her cell ...when she sees I have it she hangs up and opens her car window and just takes it...she said NOTHING. My kids who were so tired of waiting said "now can we go home" and I told them that we could since she had her cell and the Target girl who is my new bff said "did you even know her?" so I explained I didn't but we had found the cell in a parking lot and I wanted her to have it back because *I* would be lost without my cellphone...can you imagine??!! Oh I can't even think about it lol All of a sudden the Target girl was upset FOR me and started fussing that the girl should have at least said thank you or something. The other Target girl said "well I KNOW God will bless you for that" and I told her that He has already blessed me greatly and even if I spent the rest of my life trying I could never thank Him enough for the things He has done.... But I don't know why rudeness still surprises me:-(

Something I never thought I would do

First I will tell you I believe in debt free living so I don't have credit cards and I don't like creating extra expenses. I have regular tv with rabbit ears with foil and dial up if that tells you anything! You could call me cheap but I am also very generous so I don't fit in just one category lol I am cheap with myself but will give you the shirt off my back if that helps explain me a little better:-) I know I am hard to explain and I have one person in my life:::::::::waving to Merci::::::::::that I think has given up so she just says "that is so Barbie"....I never know if that is good or not;-) Anyway, rewind to Saturday and I am so excited that football has started and I get to see OU play!! Then I realize they are on cable and I have antennas on my tv with foil lol...BOOOOO!!!!!....so I make plans with a friend that has Dish to go over her house and watch the game. Her husband was taking my boys to see a wrestling match so it worked out...oh and I needed to color my hair and she is a hairdresser so YAY for me lol So her and I hit Crest to buy football food and go back to her house and get ready...I am watching the time because I AM SO EXCITED! Then I find out it isn't on DISH! Stupid Dish people!! So I had to listen to it on the radio...I can't tell you how sad I was...oh wait yes I can because this is the conversation I had on Sunday.

Cox--hello can I help you?
me--yes I couldn't watch the OU game last night and that is unacceptable!
cox--laughing...we can help you with that
me--PLEASE DO IT NOW so this doesn't happen again EVER
cox--no problem ma'am...I see you already have phone with us so all I have to do it add cable and would you like highspeed?
me--I just want to see OU but how much?
cox--quotes some ridiculously low price
me--are you kidding? can you be here TODAY?
cox-no lol but we can be there during the week before the next OU game
me--that would be great but I work:-( do you have anything on the weekend?
cox--how about Saturday between 12-3?
me--hmm the game comes on at 11 but it is on ABC...hmm that is my dd birthday...hmm SURE lol
more info and we hang up

CAN YOU BELIEVE I just got cable for FOOTBALL?? ME?? the person who didn't even know what the line of scrimmage was...in my defense it kept moving and I am NOT kidding about that lol... I also had no clue what a down was or how many there were and I know I was a cheerleader in highschool but that didn't mean I knew what I was cheering for! We had a captain and we just cheered. Still last year I thought I would watch and see what the big deal was because the town closes down for football... here I am a year later getting cable and I am doing it for FOOTBALL!! Oh my word I AM an Okie:-P I may not be an Okie by birth but I sure am by choice:-D And I wouldn't change it because I LOVE it here:-D

Oh my!

I guess to explain why this amused me I have to give a little background. I grew up in a home with a Mom that has a strong New England accent. She grew up in Rhode Island and still takes the R's out of everything. My name is Bahh-bra to her:-) My father is from Alabama but is British and he likes to speak the "Kings English" so he uses words that aren't always used in everyday speech. I was born and raised in Florida where the majority aren't from there so I don't think *I* have an accent....Although when my stbx and I moved to South Florida from North Florida they thought we sounded like a couple of hicks so we might have a little one lol They only thought that because the further south you go in Florida the further north you are;-) That is where all the snow birds go to retire! Anyway, when I moved to Oklahoma I thought everyone had a cute little accent but I never expected to pick up any of the phrases or words that people use here. Then today at work I said POP for coke:-P Does this mean I am officially an Okie?? Where I am from we say coke for all flavors...we sometimes say soda but NEVER pop. We actually make fun of the folks that come around and ask for pop;-) Today it just rolled off my tongue like I have always said it lol Here I was having a normal conversation where I had just found out it was someone's b-day and we HAVE to celebrate because birthdays are special...it is also a great excuse for a party so while trying to do an actual job we managed to plan a party for tomorrow. It seriously cracked me up though because it like it was so normal when I said "I will make a cake tonight and I can pick up some ice cream and pop at the store" Then I started laughing at myself because I SAID POP:-P I don't even know where I picked it up from either but it must have been somewhere. Ok I just had to share because it made me laugh:-D

Wedding Rings

I can finally talk about this

Last week I decided it was time to get rid of my wedding rings. It wasn't something I wanted to pass down to my dd for reasons I don't feel like explaining. What I didn't realize was how hard it would hit me. My dh is Irish so we had the Claddagh ring - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia this picture doesn't look like mine did but it explains the symbolism behind the ring. I think the poem that went with it said

With this crown
I give my loyalty
With these hands
I offer my service
With this heart
I give you mine
in love, in friendship, let us reign

Our wedding was also based on rings...funny we eloped and this wasn't planned but because I am so extremely sentimental it was perfect. The wedding certificate that hung on our wall until last year said

As these rings are linked together and are entwined around the cross, it is our prayer that our lives will be eternally bound together by love and that our Lord Jesus Christ will be the head of our home and the center of our lives.

Funny how things worked out so differently than I thought they would. I guess the only thing left is for the actually divorce to happen.

Some weeks....

I hate being a woman
I hate hormones and feeling crazy
I hate being a single Mom
I hate that I have to do this alone
I hate that there is not enough hours in a week
THIS is one of those weeks
Just to show you how crazy *I* am this was my day TODAY
I woke up which was my first mistake
I got three kids off to school
I went to work
I rushed home because I needed to be somewhere by 4
I picked up the kids and rushed oldest to the Dentist..ok I took all three with me but only one needed to be seen:-)
Sat at the dentist for over an hour
stopped at Starbucks for a coffee for me and a frap for oldest who was numb and not wanting to eat yet
picked up a bucket of chicken for younger two since I needed to be at school at 6:30
came home and started dinner

Did you catch that? I cooked dinner AFTER I picked up dinner! YES I DID! THAT is how insane I am right now!! I literally sat the food down on the table and started dinner and my middle child said "what about the food you just bought?"
So we had two dinners tonight:-/
Tomorrow has to be better right??

Sunday Ramblings

Last night was so NOT fun! The weather radio went off at 3am, 3:15am and 3:45am:::::::::: YAWN! ::::::::::Then my power went out at 5am and didn't come back on till 10am. I only heard it go off because I had turned on the tv to see where the stupid tornado was so when the tv went off I woke up. The wind was kicking too so it was hard to sleep after that. We ended up missing church this morning. I know it isn't a great excuse but my hair takes forever to dry and I can't go without a shower in the morning. So I have been sitting here trying to get stuff done before the new week starts. This will be our first full week at school:-) Speaking of school check out the new school shoes...new shoes on my kids make me happy:-)

Just so you don't miss the cuteness on mine here is the side view lol

Payless had the BOGO 1/2 off sale so I splurged on me too:-) You kind of have to buy 4 to get half off on two...that's my story and I'm sticking to it:-)

I guess that it all I wanted to ramble about...I was hoping this coffee would kick in so I could finish cleaning but I think a nap is in order instead. As my favorite person would say "Sunday naps are sacred" so I think I will take her advice. BTW if you are ever at Starbucks try ordering a white chocolate mocha with a shot of caramel...YUMMY! It is like turtle candy! Have a wonderful Sunday!

Oh one more random thought....do NOT get a pedicure if you have a broken toe because you just may want to kick the person when she goes to crack your toes;-)

TGIF

I know they aren't the greatest of pics but my camera was being fussy on Wednesday! or it was me lol
My babies started school! They are in 8th, 5th and 2nd:-) I would have posted sooner but I don't think I have had time to stop long enough to do it! I also don't know what I did all summer but I don't think it involved long periods of standing because my legs are killing me...does this mean I am old? :-) Anyway, they started on Wednesday and that is a busy day during the school year for us...somehow I have to get kids home, homework finished, fed and ready for church on time but I am not complaining because I wouldn't trade my job for the world!! I missed them so much this summer that even when I am crazy busy I am enjoying every minute with them. Thursday my boys went with the men at church for GUY NIGHT (you have to yell it) so I had to rush to get them fed and delivered on time. Then I came home and ate ice cream in bed with my daughter while watching Little House episodes and laughing. Sunday night we are having another girls night while the boys go to watch wrestling with a friends dh. Fun times! Ok off to work I go for another round with 2000+ teenagers...how blessed am I??!!! Seriously I LOVE my job!

Sunday's Song

I am pretty sure I have shared on here how much music means to me...I truly believe that God does inhabit the praises of His people. It doesn't matter what I am going through music is just calming to my soul...I thought I would share the song today that touched me:-)

Because of Who You Are

Because of who You are, I give You glory
Because of who You are, I give You praise
Because of who You are, I will lift my voice and say
Lord I worship You, because of who You are
Lord I worship You, because of who You are.

Because of who You are, I give You glory
Because of who You are, I give You praise
Because of who You are, I will lift my voice and say
Lord I worship You, because of who You are
Lord I worship You, because of who You are.

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
Jehovah Nissi, Lord You reign in victory
Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace
And I worship You, because of who You Are

Mark this date down!!

Some of you might want to sit down for this!! I went to the grocery store WITH A LIST!! And not just any list either! I sat down and looked at our schedule for next week and planned meals accordingly so it works for us:-D It was such a cool feeling to go into the store and know exactly what I was there for and what we were eating for the next week. I did buy a few things not on the list but I made sure they were complete meals so I didn't have to come back for additional ingredients!! I am so excited lol Who knew being organized could be fun??! My oldest who is always quick to quote a movie said "Did that blow your mind, because THAT JUST HAPPENED?!" lol
*bonus points to those who know which movie that is from:-P

High School

I have seen this floating around blogland and thought it looked like fun so I figured I would answer too:-) Really I am just stalling because I am tired and don't want to do anything.

This was my highschool. It looked like a huge tin can and was so LOUD when it rained. The school closed in the late 80's and now it is just a gym. I think they use the old classrooms for the AWANA classes now.

1. Who was your best friend?

Her name was Dawn and we did everything together. She was such an amazing person and grew up to be just as amazing as an adult. She teaches high school math and lives in Florida with her dh and two boys. Oh and she could play the piano!!! She was the pianist at our church at 16 yo and was just amazing. I spent many nights sitting on the floor listening to her practice. I think I will call her when I finish this:-)

2. Did you play any sports?

I sure did! I played basketball and volleyball in highschool. I was also a cheerleader but that really isn't a sport:-)

3. What kind of car did you drive?

This one:-) This was actually the first of 5 Hondas we have owned. I LOVE HONDAS! This was an 81 Honda Civic that I kept until we traded it for a 1990 Honda Civic. I loved this car. I even learned how to change oil and brake pads on this car lol For those who live in Winn Dixie country if you look closely I am wearing the old polyester blue and white uniform from 20 years ago. OH MY WORD that thing was HOT!

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you?

If I wasn't at work I am sure I was either playing in a sport or cheering for one OR at church.

5. Were you a party animal?

NOT EVEN CLOSE! I was Miss Goody Two Shoes. This picture probably tells the story for you

Yes I am standing at a pulpit in front of the church lol I was voted Most Christian Leadership.

6. Were you considered a flirt?

Probably just the opposite.

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir?

I sang in choir for 3 yrs even though I can't sing:-) I still tried to make a joyful noise.

8. Were you a nerd?

I don't think so but if I was it doesn't bother me..it still wouldn't;-) I never fit into just ONE group because I played sports, cheered and made good grades so I was just friends with everyone. I still don't like cliques and I try to go out of my way to include those who are "different"..I totally respect when someone has their own opinions and stands up for what they believe in rather than go with the crowd.

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled?

In high school? NO;-)

I was suspended in the 6th grade because I was a bully. I know that is hard to believe for those who know me now BUT before I was saved at 12 I was quite the bully in school...I wasn't at home but only because my older sister was MY bully. I actually called the girl I tortured in school back in 1993 after watching a show about how a bully ruined this one persons life. I called her and apologized profusely for the things I did and she just laughed and said it wasn't that bad. It took me a long time to get over that. Now I am the opposite because I have a hard time standing up for myself.

10. Can you sing the fight song?

We didn't have one lol

11. Who was your favorite teacher?

Wow I have sat here and really thought about this and I didn't have one. I guess if I had to pick I would say Mrs Peterson

12. What was your school mascot?

Patriots

13. Did you go to the Prom?

Dancing was "of the devil" so we didn't have one;-) FTR I don't believe that now.

14. If you could go back, would you?

NO!

15. What do you remember most about graduation?

Honestly this will sound silly but I was worried about all the partying that was going on after. Everyone booked some hotels at the beach and they were planning a huge drinking party...the parents knew but I was concerned about the things that could happen with all the alcohol...ok maybe I was a nerd lol

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?

We didn't have one...I couldn't skip anyway because I was too busy and didn't have time. I worked in the school office so missing school meant missing work too...I couldn't afford that;-)

17. Did you have a job your senior year?

I worked in the office at school and at Winn Dixie after school. I had to pay rent somehow and I do know we are still talking high school:-/

18. Where did you go most often for lunch?

The Sheik. I loved their steak in a sack with grilled onions and extra mayo. Plus that had that ice like Sonic does to go with the best cherry limeades. I know this has nothing to do with this but they were so good that when I was pregnant with my oldest and we lived in West Palm Beach I drove almost 5hours for one. I had issues

19. Have you gained weight since then?

ROFL! I was 87lbs when I got married. I NEEDED to gain weight...maybe not as much as I have but I don't ever want to be that skinny again.

20. What did you do after graduation?

I went home and prayed for those at the beach party. I truly was concerned and I do know that sounds pathetic but I was. I also went to Dairy Queen for a foot long chili dog.

21. What year did you graduate?

1987

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date?

See #13

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?

The school closed and nobody planned one for the 10 or the 20th. Before I moved I still saw most of the people I graduated with so I already know what everyone is up too.

Can you believe it???

Can you believe it has been ONE YEAR since I moved to Oklahoma??!! Today is a HUGE milestone for me because I've made it. Last year I was scared to death about all the what ifs. My family wasn't happy about me moving so far with their Grandkids so they weren't supportive. The ex wasn't happy. I really felt sooooooooo alone in this decision. I was told by my ex and my family that I couldn't make it on my own. Every one thought I would come out here and then realize I made a mistake and want to go back to Florida. What they didn't know was I didn't just wake up one day and decide to move half way across the country. I don't think they understood how hard this was for me and how much thought and prayer I put into this decision. I couldn't have done this without knowing I was totally in God's will. Plus nobody really knew what I was going through in my marriage because it wasn't something I told them. I believe the only person I confided in was Merci and I could NOT have done this without her love and support. Everyone needs a "Merci" in their life because she is just a blessing in every way. She was always there to listen and point me to God so He could tell me what I needed to do. I came here with a lot of fear but also with a lot of hope that I could finally have a future without so much hurt and pain. And with God directing our steps we have not only made it but we have thrived.
I came without a job yet God provided the perfect one for our situation. I work school hours so my children do not have to be left alone. I have holidays and summers off.
I have a church that has blessed me and been the body of Christ to us from fixing my car to making sure I was taken care of after my surgery. With the exception of 4th of July we haven't spent a single holiday alone.
I have amazing friends and a support system unlike anything I have ever had. I came from a large family but one that isn't close and for the first time I am seeing what true family is like. With Gods help I am going to break the cycle and I pray my children will know what real love is in their relationships and not repeat the same mistakes.... I have a dear dear friend that I have known for 8 yrs now that I couldn't love more than I already do and her family has adopted me and for that I am so beyond grateful. I love them so very much.
Last year I cried a lot because of all the firsts that we had but this year I am actually excited!! I no longer am worried about if I can make it because we have made it. I now know that no matter what God is going to take care of us...I don't mean I just believe it... I KNOW IT!! And I know He will because He has!!
I am going into this year full of excitement.
I have been approved for a home and hopefully we can find one in this area and move soon.
I am still debt free and that has been a challenge because it is soooooooooo tempting to put stuff on credit especially since this is a great excuse lol
I have 3 wonderful children that I don't have to say goodbye too for another year.
I will be divorced by Feb at the latest and that chapter of my life will be closed. FTR I do NOT believe in divorce...this was a decision that came with a lot of prayer and I believe with everything in me that God is ok with this because He knows ALL the details;-) I know I am in God's will and He has blessed us beyond measure for that faith in stepping out and trusting Him.
This year was scary and every time I said I couldn't do something it happened. It was like a crash course in having faith:-) I am more careful about the things I speak outloud lol

For those who have been there for me the last year THANK YOU seems so little.

For those who haven't here are some highlights from our first year in the "promised land"


Aug--
We arrived to find a beautiful friend waiting for me at my new apartment with cleaning supplies and a teenager to help lol Then she took us all to dinner.
I found a job and a church that I love.


Sept--
got to watch my kids see fall for the first time


Oct--
son broke arm and I was thankful that I have an "in case of emergency" person in my life that I trusted with my most valuable possessions;-) When you are married or live near family that in case of emergency person is almost taken for granted because you have one built in....moving here alone away from family has made me totally appreciate that person lol Thankfully I trust her with my life and any major decision that needs to be made because she knows my heart.
Stbx quit job to move here and things didn't turn out like he expected and I had to make a decision to trust that God was my provider and not him.
We all started counseling.


Nov--
first Thanksgiving in Oklahoma and I got to celebrate twice:-) I had homeless people over for dinner at my place on Thanksgiving and that Saturday I spent Thanksgiving with a friend and her family..I think that was my first bedlam game also lol
Children made sleet angels...hey don't laugh I didn't know!! and then they saw snow for the first time...ya know after the sleet I made them play in!


Dec--
First b-day for me in Oklahoma without my family and yet I had 3 cakes:-)
I had surgery
I celebrated my first anniversary single:*(
We had our first Christmas and we spent it with a dear friend and her parents.


Jan--
Our first ice storm and boy was it fun lol I think I was stuck at home for a week before someone came and dug my car out so I could drive...or attempt to drive;-)


Feb--
We actually made it 6 months and was able to file for divorce. HUGE answer to prayer because this meant Oklahoma had jurisdiction. It was so hard to do and hurt way more than I thought it would.


March--
Our first spring and it was beautiful!! I am in love with the big white trees and the freaky purple cartoon looking ones:-) Yeah those are the technical names:-P
Oh yeah first siren that wasn't on a Saturday at noon!! Oh my word!! lol


April--
Our first court date and you would think I would have more faith by now but I was a basket case. I didn't go alone and I even had a lawyer take my case which was a blessing. My friend and her Dad went with me... I don't think I can ever explain how much it meant to see this man stand there and just be so protective of me. I have never felt so loved. I can't ever tell that without getting choked up....And my friend was amazing! When I lost control and started yelling she was able to stop me and pray right there in the courthouse and remind me this wasn't about me but about God's will and my children...who could ask for a better friend??
Second siren!!


May--
Schools out and I don't have to work for the summer:-)
Daughter had to be put under but I didn't have to do it alone because my friends are awesome and they brought chocolate.


June--
Started counseling for just me and meds for depression...finally felt the fog lift.
Transmission goes out in car and before *I can figure something out my church takes care of it!! God already had a plan before it happened! How cool is that??!!
I had to say goodbye to my children for 41 days.
Cried A LOT because my babies were gone.
All of my amazing friends kept me busy with dinners, lunches, Starbucks, bowling, movies, laughing, cooking for the month, shopping etc


July--
Got two tattoos because I am going through mid life crisis:-)
One is a cross with eagle wings and has Isaiah 40:31 on it because that verse means something to me. The other is "your name" on my back because I really am silly.
My son had surgery in FLORIDA while I was in Oklahoma but once again I had a friend that was there to pick me up and carry me to my Fathers feet. It was one of those fears that I had before they left and I never thought I would survive not being able to be there... God showed me that even if I couldn't do it He could. I am just so thankful that I didn't have to do it alone. God has truly truly blessed me with the best friends anyone could ever ask for.

That is just a few of the things that we have experienced this year. In some ways this year has flown and in others it was THE LONGEST YEAR I have lived. I am one of those people that watches dates so I am thankful that it is over...
no more firsts to live through
no more worrying about the what ifs
no more wondering if we can make it
no more fears about my car breaking down or child support stopping or visitation
no more wondering if I can make it through the summer without working
no more feeling like I am doing this alone

I just have one more court date to live through that I am trying not to stress about it but I know that I won't be alone because God has a plan. One day He will share details with me or maybe I will just learn to trust Him fully:-) I can honestly say I am not the same person that I was a year ago. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was as long as I don't try to do it in MY strength. I have grown so much and it hasn't been easy but I have been held up by the love and prayers of people that mean the world to me. I love my friends and I love my church. I think I am happy for the first time in a LONG time. Without going into detail I really did leave Egypt for the Promised Land and although I grumbled at times because it IS hard
I have never doubted this is where God wants me.
Not one time in a whole year and that has to mean something.....

Thank you Father for getting us through this first year...thank you for the people you have placed in our lives to make this bearable...bless them because I know I can never repay them in this lifetime....thank you for the "family" you have given us that truly loves and cares for us and shows us in every way.....thank you for directing every step and opening doors and making a way when I couldn't see one...thank for a church that loves my children...thank you for loving us...I love you! I know I am so blessed......

I was tagged

I was tagged by my favorite person in the world Merci

1. Name someone who made you smile today?

My kids:) Did I tell you they were home? ;-) YAY!


2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

I wish I could say sleeping but I was talking to the 2 out of 3 kids that were up. Considering they have been staying up all hours of the night for 6 weeks this was nothing short of a miracle. I could have done without the one getting up at 6 but I am not complaining.


3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Reading blogs while eating Doritos and drinking diet coke with lime because I am all about a healthy breakfast;-)


4. Name something that happened to you in 1992?

I was in the room when my SIL had her 3rd child. Honestly it was wonderful and so heartbreaking at the same time. I had been trying to years and never thought I would be able to have my own.


5. When is your birthday?

Dec 6! You can start shopping now to beat the rush:-P


6. Four words to explain why you last threw up?

My son had surgery

7. What color is your hairbrush?

black/purple


8. What was the last thing you bought?

Pizza to feed 11 people and only 3 were adults:-)


9. Where do you keep your money?


What money??


10. What was the weather like today?

Haven't been outside but the temp on my computer says 88 here and 90 in Jax, Fl. In here I have A/C so it feels great to me:-)


11. Where did your last hug take place?

In my apartment


12. What are you excited about?

My kids are home!! Keep up people lol


13. Do you want to cut your hair?

I never know..I cut it and then want it long...when it grows up I want it short. I don't know WHAT I want!


14. Are you over the age of 25?

Yes but age doesn't bother me

15. Do you talk a lot?


ROFL YES!! And I know 2 of you just snorted when you read that so HUSH!


16. Do you watch The O.C.?

nope


17. Does your screen name have an "x" in it?

Weird question but no

18. Do you know anyone named Kelsey?

ummm no


19. Do you make up your own words?

No I just pronounce the ones we already have in my own way...did you know orange is pronounced RRR-ange? or mayor is pronounced MARE and not MAYor...Hey you grow up with a native American Mom that grew up in Rhode Island and a British Father that grew up in Alabama and see if you can talk??

20. Are you ticklish?

Nope


21. Are you typically a jealous person?

No, No No, and NO. And I can't stand jealousy, especially among girlfriends. We're not in junior high anymore.
I just left Merci's answer because she is allowed to speak for me. It is a law.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "C".

Cheryl


23. Who was the last person to call you?

I had to check my phone but it was the same person who tagged me for this lol I talked to others after that but I must have called them lol

24. Do you chew on your straws?

No and I can't stand it when people do...HUGE pet peeve!!


25. Do you have curly hair?

Oh no! I wish!

26. What is the next concert you're going to?

Probably Otisburg because my son will drag me:-) He is their biggest fan because he knows "guitar dude" personally.


27.Where did you go today?

I am not leaving my house today.


28. What is something you say a lot?

I am all about....I love you!....Geez I talk a lot remember? I am sure I say a lot of things a lot lol


29. Have you seen the movie 'Donnie Darko'?

Never heard of it.


30. Do you have to work tomorrow?

I have 3 kids what do you think? If you mean a paying job I don't go back till school starts.

31. Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?

I would have to say my kids in person but I am sure I just told someone else in a comment and in email. I told you I say it a lot.


32. What should you be doing right now?

Finishing my book but I know once I pick it up I won't want to put it down


33. Do you have a nickname?

I don't think I do unless you count Barbie. Oh wait the stbx might have one for me;-)


34. Are you a heavy sleeper?

No


35. What are you listening to?

My children talking to each other


36. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two week?

Ok this week I started out watching a movie with a friend to take my mind off the fact my son was fixin to have surgery.... then I watched a movie at another friends house....I also took the kids to see Spiderman 3 when they came home
...none of which were "the best" but I laughed and enjoyed the company

37. Is there anyone you like right now?

I am still legally married to my first mistake so NO.


38. When was the last time you did the dishes?

Last night after dinner


39. Did you cry today?

Not yet but the day isn't over.

I guess I will tag ~*~Jesica~*~ because she makes me laugh too! Hey and don't use the excuse you are going out of town!! :-P