8/01/2007

Can you believe it???

Can you believe it has been ONE YEAR since I moved to Oklahoma??!! Today is a HUGE milestone for me because I've made it. Last year I was scared to death about all the what ifs. My family wasn't happy about me moving so far with their Grandkids so they weren't supportive. The ex wasn't happy. I really felt sooooooooo alone in this decision. I was told by my ex and my family that I couldn't make it on my own. Every one thought I would come out here and then realize I made a mistake and want to go back to Florida. What they didn't know was I didn't just wake up one day and decide to move half way across the country. I don't think they understood how hard this was for me and how much thought and prayer I put into this decision. I couldn't have done this without knowing I was totally in God's will. Plus nobody really knew what I was going through in my marriage because it wasn't something I told them. I believe the only person I confided in was Merci and I could NOT have done this without her love and support. Everyone needs a "Merci" in their life because she is just a blessing in every way. She was always there to listen and point me to God so He could tell me what I needed to do. I came here with a lot of fear but also with a lot of hope that I could finally have a future without so much hurt and pain. And with God directing our steps we have not only made it but we have thrived.
I came without a job yet God provided the perfect one for our situation. I work school hours so my children do not have to be left alone. I have holidays and summers off.
I have a church that has blessed me and been the body of Christ to us from fixing my car to making sure I was taken care of after my surgery. With the exception of 4th of July we haven't spent a single holiday alone.
I have amazing friends and a support system unlike anything I have ever had. I came from a large family but one that isn't close and for the first time I am seeing what true family is like. With Gods help I am going to break the cycle and I pray my children will know what real love is in their relationships and not repeat the same mistakes.... I have a dear dear friend that I have known for 8 yrs now that I couldn't love more than I already do and her family has adopted me and for that I am so beyond grateful. I love them so very much.
Last year I cried a lot because of all the firsts that we had but this year I am actually excited!! I no longer am worried about if I can make it because we have made it. I now know that no matter what God is going to take care of us...I don't mean I just believe it... I KNOW IT!! And I know He will because He has!!
I am going into this year full of excitement.
I have been approved for a home and hopefully we can find one in this area and move soon.
I am still debt free and that has been a challenge because it is soooooooooo tempting to put stuff on credit especially since this is a great excuse lol
I have 3 wonderful children that I don't have to say goodbye too for another year.
I will be divorced by Feb at the latest and that chapter of my life will be closed. FTR I do NOT believe in divorce...this was a decision that came with a lot of prayer and I believe with everything in me that God is ok with this because He knows ALL the details;-) I know I am in God's will and He has blessed us beyond measure for that faith in stepping out and trusting Him.
This year was scary and every time I said I couldn't do something it happened. It was like a crash course in having faith:-) I am more careful about the things I speak outloud lol

For those who have been there for me the last year THANK YOU seems so little.

For those who haven't here are some highlights from our first year in the "promised land"


Aug--
We arrived to find a beautiful friend waiting for me at my new apartment with cleaning supplies and a teenager to help lol Then she took us all to dinner.
I found a job and a church that I love.


Sept--
got to watch my kids see fall for the first time


Oct--
son broke arm and I was thankful that I have an "in case of emergency" person in my life that I trusted with my most valuable possessions;-) When you are married or live near family that in case of emergency person is almost taken for granted because you have one built in....moving here alone away from family has made me totally appreciate that person lol Thankfully I trust her with my life and any major decision that needs to be made because she knows my heart.
Stbx quit job to move here and things didn't turn out like he expected and I had to make a decision to trust that God was my provider and not him.
We all started counseling.


Nov--
first Thanksgiving in Oklahoma and I got to celebrate twice:-) I had homeless people over for dinner at my place on Thanksgiving and that Saturday I spent Thanksgiving with a friend and her family..I think that was my first bedlam game also lol
Children made sleet angels...hey don't laugh I didn't know!! and then they saw snow for the first time...ya know after the sleet I made them play in!


Dec--
First b-day for me in Oklahoma without my family and yet I had 3 cakes:-)
I had surgery
I celebrated my first anniversary single:*(
We had our first Christmas and we spent it with a dear friend and her parents.


Jan--
Our first ice storm and boy was it fun lol I think I was stuck at home for a week before someone came and dug my car out so I could drive...or attempt to drive;-)


Feb--
We actually made it 6 months and was able to file for divorce. HUGE answer to prayer because this meant Oklahoma had jurisdiction. It was so hard to do and hurt way more than I thought it would.


March--
Our first spring and it was beautiful!! I am in love with the big white trees and the freaky purple cartoon looking ones:-) Yeah those are the technical names:-P
Oh yeah first siren that wasn't on a Saturday at noon!! Oh my word!! lol


April--
Our first court date and you would think I would have more faith by now but I was a basket case. I didn't go alone and I even had a lawyer take my case which was a blessing. My friend and her Dad went with me... I don't think I can ever explain how much it meant to see this man stand there and just be so protective of me. I have never felt so loved. I can't ever tell that without getting choked up....And my friend was amazing! When I lost control and started yelling she was able to stop me and pray right there in the courthouse and remind me this wasn't about me but about God's will and my children...who could ask for a better friend??
Second siren!!


May--
Schools out and I don't have to work for the summer:-)
Daughter had to be put under but I didn't have to do it alone because my friends are awesome and they brought chocolate.


June--
Started counseling for just me and meds for depression...finally felt the fog lift.
Transmission goes out in car and before *I can figure something out my church takes care of it!! God already had a plan before it happened! How cool is that??!!
I had to say goodbye to my children for 41 days.
Cried A LOT because my babies were gone.
All of my amazing friends kept me busy with dinners, lunches, Starbucks, bowling, movies, laughing, cooking for the month, shopping etc


July--
Got two tattoos because I am going through mid life crisis:-)
One is a cross with eagle wings and has Isaiah 40:31 on it because that verse means something to me. The other is "your name" on my back because I really am silly.
My son had surgery in FLORIDA while I was in Oklahoma but once again I had a friend that was there to pick me up and carry me to my Fathers feet. It was one of those fears that I had before they left and I never thought I would survive not being able to be there... God showed me that even if I couldn't do it He could. I am just so thankful that I didn't have to do it alone. God has truly truly blessed me with the best friends anyone could ever ask for.

That is just a few of the things that we have experienced this year. In some ways this year has flown and in others it was THE LONGEST YEAR I have lived. I am one of those people that watches dates so I am thankful that it is over...
no more firsts to live through
no more worrying about the what ifs
no more wondering if we can make it
no more fears about my car breaking down or child support stopping or visitation
no more wondering if I can make it through the summer without working
no more feeling like I am doing this alone

I just have one more court date to live through that I am trying not to stress about it but I know that I won't be alone because God has a plan. One day He will share details with me or maybe I will just learn to trust Him fully:-) I can honestly say I am not the same person that I was a year ago. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was as long as I don't try to do it in MY strength. I have grown so much and it hasn't been easy but I have been held up by the love and prayers of people that mean the world to me. I love my friends and I love my church. I think I am happy for the first time in a LONG time. Without going into detail I really did leave Egypt for the Promised Land and although I grumbled at times because it IS hard
I have never doubted this is where God wants me.
Not one time in a whole year and that has to mean something.....

Thank you Father for getting us through this first year...thank you for the people you have placed in our lives to make this bearable...bless them because I know I can never repay them in this lifetime....thank you for the "family" you have given us that truly loves and cares for us and shows us in every way.....thank you for directing every step and opening doors and making a way when I couldn't see one...thank for a church that loves my children...thank you for loving us...I love you! I know I am so blessed......

7 comments:

Robin said...

Wow, it was amazing to read all of this. And frankly, I love having a job with the school system. It makes being a working mom bearable.

Tattoos huh? Terry is planning on one soon and I would like one, but still shrink from the thought of the pain. We'll have to visit on that one. ; )

Enjoy the last few weeks of summer...I know I am!

Grace said...

I love this post - love seeing what God has done in and through and for you. He's amazing isn't he? A great church family is so vital and I'm so thankful you have found one that lives out Christ's love in real ways. Congratulations, you're officially an Okie!

Otter said...

don't forget you met us in July too!!! LOL!

mamabeck said...

How wonderful to read your thankfulness!

BTW, "the freaky purple cartoon looking ones:-) " = redbuds. State tree. Aren't they cool? My kids were amazed at them in spring of 2006 when we were back.

:D
b

Barbie said...

Nuh uh Otter! It was JUNE:-P The day before Joey's b-day!

Clemntine said...

What a wonderful testimony! To God be the glory!

paul said...

You have had an amazing year...and you not only survived but thrived! You are growing through the difficult circumstances and learning to trust God in a whole new way. It doesn't get any better than that.

May God continue to bless your life richly. You are loved and cared for.

The fog and depression can be dealt with...you are doing a lot of things right. Hang in there!