6/16/2007

::::::sigh::::::

Today is the day they leave. It was supposed to be on Thursday but their Dad had some scheduling issues so he is on his way right now. He is in Texas so he should be here some time this afternoon. I am having a hard time. I couldn't sleep last night knowing I have to say goodbye today. I sat and stared at them most of the night just like I did when they were babies. You know things weren't supposed to turn out like this:*( I said "till death do us part" and I meant it but sometimes you don't have a choice...I shouldn't have to say goodbye to my children because of someone elses actions. It doesn't seem fair. I am trying so hard to remember this is about them spending time with their Dad....that God knows what is best and loves them even more than I do and He will take care of them....that this will be a good thing. It's soooooooooooooooo hard and if the tears right now are any indication the next 6 weeks are going to be rough. How do you stop being a Mom after 13 yrs? How do I turn that off? I should have children to cook for and do laundry for and clean up after. I shouldn't have an empty nest while they are 7, 10 and 13! This really really really sucks:******(

8 comments:

Jesica said...

(((((((Barbie)))))))))

It sucks! I agree. I'll be praying for you.

Paul said...

You don't stop being their Mom. You will ALWAYS be their Mom!!! Hang in there.

The Gatekeeper said...

Oh, I know your pain. I drove my son to his Dad yesterday. He kissed me on the cheek and said, "Love ya mom." That helped a little. It's sad to think that single moms everywhere might be saying goodbye to their children for the summer. That's not how I thought it would be either. Hang in there. I am praying for us all.

The Gatekeeper said...

I forgot to tell ya that I love that scripture you have posted: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help."

Don't mean to get too preachy here since I'm soooo not good at that. But at these moments, the bad moments, we have His Word to comfort us.

ame said...

yes, it does.

Lynn said...

I can't imagine how hard that would be but I will tell you that this first time will be the hardest, I'm sure. When slowly my "babies" grew up and left the nest I thought I was going to die. I didn't see any possible purpose I had left to anyone. But, God does have a purpose. We, as mothers, spend all these years preparing our children to grow up and leave. You are just having to do things a little different and as you said, "not like you planned." But, your children are so blessed by the strength in their mom that they are going to grow into amazing individuals. Instead of taking a horrible situation and causing your children to be miserable you have done one of the most honorable and loving things by allowing them to love their daddy even though it hurts you. I am saying too much but from working in education and with children most of my life I have seen the negative side of what d.i.v.o.r.c.e. can do when the "mature" parents make the children pawns in a game. You are to be commended! Enjoy your time alone to find yourself again and realize that your children are going to miss you more than you realize! Praying for you!

Grace said...

Paul is right - you don't stop being their mom. But I understand what you mean.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with this - when it was because of someone else.

You are in my prayers.

Grafted Branch @ Restoring the Years said...

Surfin' over from Clemntine's place, so, first: Congratulations on your blog award.

You really touched my heart here. I'm feeling your pain in this post and your right--it's not fair. And I'm so sorry that you have to "pay" this way for someone else's actions.

When once I felt similarly (not about divorce, but about suffering for someone's sin not my own) I meditated on Phil 3:10 and realized that you can't get much closer to knowing Him in the fellowship of His sufferings than to unfairly pay the price for someone else's sin. You know?

Hang in there. That will be quite a crown awaiting you in heaven.

The Lord bless you and keep you...