7/11/2007

2 More Weeks!

I know I have been quiet but I really miss my kids:-( This is so much harder than I ever imagined. I know God is in control and I remind myself of that every day...sometimes every hour:-/I talk to them daily but it doesn't compare to the hugs and kisses and seeing their faces. I know this is hard for them too and I feel bad that they feel torn between missing me and having fun. It is really hard and
when I hear things like they were lost in a waterpark while in the care their Grandpa (dhs dad)...I want to throw up thinking about the what ifs.
When I know they are staying up till 2am playing video games I get frustrated.
When I know they are spending time with Daddy AND his girlfriend I get really upset..ftr not because I am jealous but because we are still married and I don't want my kids to see sin as something that is ok because it is not. The seventh commandment is still in my Bible.
When I know they are eating fast food more often then homecooked meals I cringe.
I want them to have routine because that is what they are used to BUT I can't do anything except pray. Is that what I am supposed to learn in this? Is this another test of my faith? Wasn't trusting God to pack up and leave everything to move here enough?

Oh and for those keeping up with the longest divorce in the history of divorces...the court date is set for next Feb! Yes, that is Feb 2008! Apparently the courts are backed up and my life will just continue to stay on hold.

And so this doesn't sound entirely like I am just sitting home and crying I have amazing people in my life. I have been to Starbucks for coffee and fellowship several times with many different people. I have been out to lunch and dinner with girlfriends and other families. I have been shopping with friends. I have cooked all day with my favorite person in the whole world so I have freezer meals. I have laughed till my stomach hurt. I have been bowling. I have been to the movies. I have been given a tour of Oklahoma. I have been to Norman for boiled peanuts but they were out of them lol I have been able to love on others which so blesses me. I am planning a trip to Texas for a girls weekend. I HAVE been busy but that ache in my heart for my kids hasn't gone away. I miss them. Two weeks can't come fast enough......

4 comments:

Robin said...

I'm so sorry. I miss my kids when the are gone even one night!

As for boiled peanuts? They're disgusting so you're not missing much. That's just me of course!

Sarah said...

Still here, still praying, still feeling all those feelings~

Grace said...

I'm glad to see you back - I've missed your posts. I would cringe at all those things too - just think how welcoming the return to their routines will be!

ame said...

you're really doing great.

i understand.

divorce causes us to "let go" of our children much, much, much too soon.