1/19/2008

What is going on??

Just checking on you, hope everything is going well!
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Since this was left in my comments (thank you Sarah for checking) I figure I should probably update lol I didn't mean to be so quiet. I had all intentions of this being the best year yet and it still might be but it hasn't started out so great. First and this is NOT an excuse but I have hit a wall in counseling. I can't go further until I am willing to face some things about my childhood and they are pretty painful. It is helping A LOT to understand why I accepted some things and where I came from. Very eye opening but sometimes it hurts and I don't mean to but I end up lashing out at those I love most. So there was that and then just 5 days into the year a coworker and friend lost her 16yo son to a tragic car accident. Some things I will never be able to understand and a child dying is one. He had attended the school I work at last year and some of this year and I love his Mom so it was hard to deal with...I am thankful that most of the people I work with love Jesus and we had a whole prayer thing the day of the funeral. It hit one of my close friends at work hard because her Uncle died at the same time...I am not good at seeing people hurt:**( If that wasn't enough one of the girls that worked at my school went to sleep last Sunday and never woke up. Knowing she is in heaven is wonderful but sitting on the floor with a close friend of hers and watching her cry when we all found out was HARD. In between grieving I have also had to deal with mono...not with me but my kids. I know for sure one has it because they tested her but I have another one showing the same symptoms. The Dr just said to assume he has it and he doesn't need to be seen. Taking care of sick kids is SOOOOOOOOOOO tiring. It is times like these that being a single Mom seems overwhelming. The good news in all of this is as hard as it has been I have fought so hard not to close off the world and start pit dwelling. It wasn't easy but I forced myself to go to church and do things for others so that I didn't stay home feeling sorry for myself kwim And it really helped! This week I was also able to go out for a girls night and that totally made everything seem doable. Hopefully that will get me through the next two weeks because I am getting ready to go to court for the divorce:-/ I am sure that will be hard but hopefully will give me the closure that *I need to move forward.
Still I KNOW I serve an amazing God and I am so thankful that at the times that life seems hard and overwhelming I still have Him and He is all I need. So that is what is going on here...nothing major just hoping for a less stressful week...oh wait in other good news I am down 18lbs:-) Yay me!! Just 9 more to go!! Ok I am off to go love on a newborn when I bring his Mama dinner and groceries:-) Hope everyone else is doing great!!

4 comments:

mamabeck said...

It's good to hear from you! Thank you for updating.

So sorry that the update had to include notes of loss, though. HUG

Two weeks, eh? Good. We can be praying! BIG HUG!!!

And 18 pounds less?!??! WOOHOO!!!

Sarah said...

Most certainly will be sending up many prayers for you and the familes of those that lost loved ones! I know when my kids are sick I read a book called Cup of Comfort that has lots of short chapters of encouraging stories! It usually seems to lift my spirits and I can read a chapter while the sick ones are taking a bath!
And YEAH for 18 lbs! What a huge accomplishment~
What a blessing it will be for the new mom not to have to worry about dinner!
Sending Hugs your way~

Ame said...

Gosh. I'm so sorry.

I understand.

Ame

Karla (Grace) said...

As someone who has gone through counseling, for very painful childhood issues, I completely understand the wall you've hit there. Be kind and patient with yourself and trust God's timing and His voice. When it's time to bust through that wall, He will give you the courage, wisdom and comfort.

So sorry to hear about the grief surrounding you. My prayers are with you and your friends.