Pics

I am still waiting on the pics from my birthday but I thought I would share this one. This is from church last night but *I* have a camera now so I can take some pics!! YAY!! I don't know what happened to MY camera but it keeps saying the batteries are dead and then TODAY I was surprised with a new one!! I have NO IDEA who to thank because the card was TYPED (someone knows me!!) and it was left at the church so I HAVE NO CLUE!! It's killing me but I am beginning to think God is trying to teach me something!! I am a giver so all this receiving stuff is HARD!! Those who know my heart know that too! Still this picture makes me smile because of who is in it:-) This is Cheryl...or as I call her my Wonder Woman lol

Where HAVE I been??!!!

Oh dear it has been over a month! I didn't plan to take a bloggy break but there it was lol I don't even know where to begin to tell you what is going on in my heart or what has all happened. My heart is just so full and overwhelmed with the future that I don't know how to express it all...I guess I can try but first I want highlight a couple of cool things that happened that I just HAVE to share:-) My birthday was on Saturday! I am 39 for those wondering;-) A very YOUNG 39! Seriously age does NOT bother me and I am counting the days till I am 40! I swear I have lived a lot for my short 39 yrs that some days I feel much older! I had the most AMAZING birthday because I truly have the most amazing friends. My dear friend, Cheryl, who can be seen here picked me up Saturday and we spent the afternoon together. THAT is ALWAYS fun! She dropped me off at my house and then her and a couple of friends stopped by with gifts and to pick me back up for dinner! The best part of the gifts is that they KNOW me! It wasn't WHAT they bought that touched me as much as how much they knew ME...They knew what would make me smile:-) Then we all went to my favorite restaurant Carrabbas and I ate a TON!! Someone took pictures so if I get them I will post them. I have beautiful friends! Misty even made a mocha cake with chocolate covered coffee beans (I have a new coffee obsession!) that was to die for!! We ate and laughed and shared...it was amazing! Then we went to a place to eat gelatos and stayed till the place closed. I can't describe what happened next but I can say the presence of God was there and the anointing was just flowing off of Cheryl..I think at one point she was preaching lol I would say that the ladies that came all know ME but they didn't really KNOW each other...till now! They knew Cheryl but she works at the church so that is a given..they just didn't all know each other lol They are a select group of women and God put all of them in my life for a purpose. They figured out that they have a LOT more in common than they knew and I believe even our gifts compliment each other! It is just SO God!! And I believe God is going to use all of us together in ways we can't even imagine. That night will be the first of many! I sat there that night feeling SO blessed because I never knew this was possible. When I moved here 2yrs ago my heart was so badly hurt that I didn't think I would ever let down the walls I had up! I have been hurt so much in my life by people that were supposed to love me that I didn't think I would get to this point. My connection with Cheryl was almost immediate. She is the Pastors assistant so we met right after I moved here. I didn't let down my walls right away but I found myself unable to hide ANYTHING with her. I would just open my mouth and out would come things I never shared with ANYone! I know it is the anointing that she has on her and one of the reasons I allowed her to counsel me..this was before we became close friends and now the counseling is a thing of the past... BUT she is still a mentor and someone I would accept advice from in a heartbeat. She is a sister and our relationship isn't even one I can explain to anyone. She knows how I will react to things before they happen and I know how she is feeling when she isn't even around. It is totally a God thing and I KNOW our friendship was God ordained from the beginning. Somewhere in the beginning of her counsel she taught me how to open up my heart and let down walls...then came in the other women that were there that night. When I let down my walls something wonderful happened and I was able to form some healthy friendships with some AMAZING women. I consider some of them family and that isn't something I take lightly! I have been through some horrible things this year but not one time was I alone. Not one time! I have learned some valuable things from these ladies and I hope that they can say the same about me. I just know that when God orchestrates friendships they are beyond anything I could have ever imagined!! I am so blessed!! Ok that ended up being longer than I expected so I will share ONE more thing and then I will have to post another day about what is on my heart..it's heavy for sure but I don't know what to do with it! Anyway, another post for another day. Soooo the last thing I will share is I was "jingled" yesterday and I have never even heard of it!!! I came home to my entire yard decorated in lights!! Some little elves came over and put lights and bows around my garage and in my crepe myrtle tree. There are candy canes that are lit up in the walk and a wreath with lights on the brick next to my front door!! It was the coolest thing!! They left a note that said "you have been jingled...the elves...hahaha" lol Isn't that cute??!! I am so afraid of heights so that would not have happened otherwise lol I am just so blessed and I have no idea why! God is good ALL the time...even in the bad He is still God and still there...THAT I HAVE learned this year:-)

The truth behind being single

I received an email from a single Mom that said that I didn't properly show the tough side of single parenting. She went on to explain that I appeared "too strong" and was "glossing over the truth" and that wasn't being totally honest with what we do or how hard it was....We exchanged emails and I heard her out and so today I am going to be open and vulnerable to everyone reading.

Just being a Mom IS hard so it stands to reason that going it alone would make it 100 times harder and...some days it does...others I know I am not really going this alone and I have an AMAZING God, an AMAZING church and AMAZING friends that support me through this...without that *I* would crumble!

You want honesty?? Some days I don't know HOW I am going to get through...I went to church Wednesday night with the weight of the world on my shoulders but nobody knew that...except God...nobody got to see the Barbie that came home, put her kids to bed and crawled in bed and cried.

Why??

because it doesn't do anyone any good for me to get in a pit and stay there...I have my moments and I cry to God and then I get right back up and move on. I have learned that I canNOT dwell there or I will take up camp and it is harder to get back up. I know all about the pit..btdt and got the shirt! That night someone called to make sure I made it home (I was having car problems) and she heard the crack of my voice and knew...she knows my heart and all that is going on in my life and was able to encourage me in the Lord...she didn't try to fix it which I so appreciate...some things can't be fixed...some things just hurt.

This has been a rough year in SO many ways. I haven't shared all the things I have had to walk through and I am not going to because the ONLY thing that I need to focus on is that

God is still in control...

He can bring good out of the most painful situations

He is ALWAYS with me.

I have learned so much this year about who I am and Whose I am and through the bad stuff I have grown. This week has been a rough one but most people wouldn't know that because I still laugh and I still joke and I am still JustBarbie...I am not trying to gloss over what being a single parent is like. It was never my intention to speak for all single parents. My situation is different in that I don't have ANY family here...at least not biological:-) I have some people in my life that I feel closer to than anything and I thank God for putting them in my life. I moved away from mine to give my kids a better life and they are getting that. I have NEVER regretted that decision and even now with my Mom being sick and me being sooo far away I can rest in the fact that THIS is where God called me..THIS is where I am supposed to be. God has repeatedly shown us that He is going to take care of us here..

NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances look like.

TODAY I could tell you that I am exhausted from being up with a sick child OR I could focus on the good stuff like the love my children have for each other....I had to run to the store early this morning...yeah I know I could have called someone (don't anyone call to fuss at me!) but it was early and *I needed to go because I didn't know what all I needed lol I am not a list maker as some of you know;-) Anyway, I woke my almost 15yo up and told him that his sister was vomiting and I needed to go get her meds and gatorade. He didn't grumble! I told him it was important that he listened for her because she had been throwing up and he looked at me with sleepy eyes and said "is she crying??" and that was all he was concerned about. Not that he didn't get to sleep in on the only day he could but that his sister was sick. He even called me while I was at the store and asked me if I remembered to get everything she needed. I LOVE that! I love that my kids care that much about each other. THAT is what I need to focus on so I can get through...Yes, I was exhausted but I tried to just thank God that this is something simple like a tummy bug and NOT something major.

And I am thankful that this morning I had a car to get to the store...yesterday I didn't. That is another story but once again God took car of His children...just like He promised. So I am sorry if you think I haven't portrayed being a single Mom properly...I just know *I* can't do this without God and I am thankful that I am His child. He is worthy to be praised...again and again.

I hope I never lose sight of that.

I have SO MUCH to be thankful for...
every month when I pay all of my bills... I am thankful for Gods provision
every night when my kids go to bed with a full stomach...I am thankful that we have food
every day I go to work...I am thankful that I have a job
every time I step foot in church...I am thankful that we have the freedom to worship
every time my cell phone rings and it is a friend...I am thankful for the amazing people God has placed in my life
every time I pray for someone...I am thankful that I serve a God that hears and answers prayer
every time I start my car...I am thankful that God not only provided the car but has kept it running...through his people:**)
May I never forget how blessed I am...ever

I am still here

I have just been SUPER BUSY with life! This single Mom thing isn't always easy lol There are also a LOT of prayer needs in the lives of those I love so I have been heavy with those and spending time in prayer...if you want to join me in prayer please pray for Jesi @ http://pixiemarierose.blogspot.com/ and Merci's Dad @ http://www.spitoutthecat.blogspot.com/ and my Mom is having something done to her heart for a 99% blockage...she is 77yo...anyway, I am just remembering that His grace is enough and this song has been playing in my head for a week now...just ask those at my small groups since I was bouncing around..too bad nobody else could hear the concert going on in my head lol

Oh my word!

I am a mechanics daughter so car repairs do NOT scare me...My Grandfather owned a garage in Phenix City, Alabama that carried my maiden name. My Daddy was not only an aircraft mechanic in the Navy but he also worked for the City Motor Pool where he fixed police cars and stuff...being around cars is in my blood. I even have pictures to prove it lol Pictures from Barbie this one should show you the replacement of the crankshaft sensor...I can even throw around words like harmonic balance and know what it is lol And this one Car Repairs Again is when we replaced the ignition control module...very important part!!...you can see my use of hair pretties to avoid mixing up the wires;-) I am just brilliant lol So doing a simple tune up should be nothing right?? I have done a tune up on both the 89 Olds and on a 2000 Caravan so this wouldn't be the first time. The only problem is I just had surgery and I still have stitches in my belly AND all of the tools I had are in Florida.... SOOOO I have someone come over to put in new spark plugs for me because my #6 one is misfiring and driving me crazy with the putt putting and HORRIBLE gas mileage. I go and buy the spark plugs, anti seize stuff, gap tool and a trusty Hanes Manuel so I can follow directions. Then I see that whoever decided the placement of the spark plugs was on drugs or something...3 of them are so far behind the engine that you need extremely small arms and be a contortionist to reach them! You can't even get to them from underneath!! Ben changed the first three without a hitch and then for the next couple of HOURS..Ben, myself and a friends husband all struggle to remove ONE of them from the back. I no longer cared that I had stitches because I was going to get the stupid thing off...I am a wee bit stubborn in case you didn't know;) I literally laid across the engine and pulled and pulled until my poor arm bruised...see!!

I know Ben and Ali have to be sore today because we all worked so hard to get ONE of them off...JUST ONE! So 4 out of 6 spark plugs have been changed but thankfully one of them was the #6 one that was acting up! I canNOT believe the car beat me lol Or how stiff I am today!! I am NOT that old!

Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir- I Never lost My Praise

Oh I hope this blesses you as much as it did me! Listen to the lyrics

I've lost some good friends along life's way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn't lose everything
I've lost faith in people who said they cared
In time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I never lost my hope,
I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise

My praise still here,
My praise still here

I've let some blessings slip away
When I lost my focus and went astray
But thank God I didn't lose everything
I lost possessions that were so dear
I lost some battles walking in fear
But in the midst of my struggles, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I never lost my hope,
I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise

Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise
Most of all, I never lost my praise

My praise still here,
My praise still here

***********
The enemy can try and take a lot of things but he will never take my praise:-)

No Mercy at Mercy

Thanks Jesi for updating!! And thank you all for the prayers!!

Ok now that I have gotten out of the hospital and my house I am calm enough to blog about my last week;-) Last Wed the 24th I came home from work not feeling great...in fact, I hadn't felt totally great all week...I reread my emails from that day and I had told a friend that I might not be at church because my side was hurting and something about wanting to cry or be knocked out because it hurt that badly! I can analyze anything to death so at first I thought it was because I had meat on Tuesday night...if you remember I did a DANIEL FAST so I hadn't had any meat for the 3 weeks before...anyway, the dull pain turned into a stabbing pain and I was sure it was my appendix...for those old enough I was having Different Strokes flashbacks when he had appendicitis and hid....ANNNNNYYYYWWWAAAYYYY, I was hurting so badly that I jumped in my car and drove to the ER. I cried all the way there and didn't call anyone to let them know what was going on...I literally walked into the ER and sat on the floor and cried "fix me"...did you know they will take you right back if you do that?? So no papers or triage for me because I think they knew I was hurting. They rushed me to the back and drugged me up. Kidney stones were mentioned but I have BTDT and this was different, they mentioned ovarian cyst but BTDT and this HURT way worse...as they were wheeling me to have a CAT scan Cheryl walked in and I grabbed her and told her to come with me...the kids had called her for a ride to church!! They didn't call to tell her that Mom was sick and at the ER but that they wanted to go to church!! I guess I am grateful they love church:-) So I have a cat scan withOUT contrast and I had an ultrasound...apparently I get rude when I am hurting and when the tech mentioned he couldn't see my right ovary I told him it was because he was on the left and proceeded to hold up my hands to show him left and right...I can be lovely;-) At this point the quickness and speed of everything slowed down because they didn't see anything on the cat scan to show them what was wrong. The ER Dr actually said something about me going home and making an appt with a specialist...this is where I freaked out...how can you send me home when you didn't do anything and I AM STILL IN PAIN??!! Like the worst pain I have EVER had and I had natural childbirth, I have had kidney stones without meds, I had my gallbladder out and didn't take anything for pain after the surgery...I don't take drugs and here I am begging for them...SOMETHING is wrong!! I told him to find a specialist and bring him to me and I said something else that was rude so I won't repeat it...and I said it in front of my pastors assistant!! Thankfully she knows my heart and knew I was just in pain but they listened...kind of...I was admitted and put on a morphine pump...it was my new bff!! The Dr thought maybe it was a cyst that burst and it would feel better in 48hrs...except it didn't! I still pushed the button as often as it let me until my second arm infiltrated and they took my pump away. So the nurses got to listen to me cry every 3 hrs for several days because IT STILL HURT as badly as it did on Wed! I had everything from extreme pain to nausea because nothing was working. I gave up on taking oral meds and went to shots for pain every 2-3hrs in the back of my arms...can you say OUCH? On Monday the Dr called and asked if I still "wanted" exploratory surgery and I told him it wasn't that I WANTED anything but I was still in pain and they hadn't fixed me yet. I was prepped for surgery and he went in to do a diagnostic lap procedure. While he was looking around he saw my red inflamed APPENDIX and called another surgeon. This surgeon saw this comedy of errors and made his own incision the OLD FASHIONED WAY and pulled out my "ballooning" appendix that looked enlarged and abnormal. THANKFULLY after 6 days it hadn't ruptured! God was so watching out for me! Once they took it out I quit asking for pain meds because it WAS MY APPENDIX. Oh how hard it was to not say I told you so...actually I think I did several times to all that would listen because I was SOOO angry at how I had been treated all week. They acted like I was imagining all of this pain and just wanted drugs but apparently they don't know me because it takes an act of congress to get me to take motrin for a headache! I don't like meds! Ok and because God can take what the enemy means for harm and turn it into good...here are the things I am thankful for....I am so thankful that I have amazing friends and an amazing church...On Wed when I drove in I hadn't called anyone or had a backup plan for my kids. Cheryl took my kids to church and came to the ER to find me...Before we left another friend from church, Judy, offered to go to my house and watch my kids and she stayed both Wednesday and Thursday night. On Friday the boys went to a Father/Son campout with Royal Rangers and Emmy went to a MPact sleepover so they were taken care of then too. On Saturday they all went home with various people and after church on Sunday night Cheryl came to my house and watched them for the next couple of days. I missed the Missions dinner at church Sunday night so a lady named Dona delivered me some food from it and it was amazing! Oh my word I have been so spoiled. I had people come sit with me at the hospital and call to check on me. I have had food delivered since I came home from my small group at church. I haven't been able to lift a finger except when nobody is looking because I am rebellious like that lol Today another friend, Janet, came to take me to lunch so I could get out of the house...oh I NEEDED to get out! We ate at a Mexican restaurant that has seating outside so I could enjoy the fall weather. She also brought me breakfast yesterday and ate with me:-) I can't forget Kathy either because she was there when I woke up from surgery being the family I don't have in Oklahoma and she brought me home and picked up my meds when I was finally released. Her and Cheryl also spent the morning washing sheets and getting my bed ready and my car delivered home. Cheryl did my grocery shopping for me so I didn't have to leave my house. I AM beyond blessed and this is all in a place I have NO biological family...I have family though and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They all know I would drop everything for them in a moments notice but when it is done for ME I am humbled beyond belief. Oh my gosh I almost forgot the teens from church last night came over with cookies and flowers for me! How sweet is that??!!! I believe they did that all on their own too!! Ok my kiddos are coming home but that is the update...I am a wee bit angry but still feel SOOOO blessed. I love Oklahoma even if in the two years I have been here I have lost TWO body parts!! What is up with that lol

Update

Barbie is out of surgery. I just heard from one of her lady friends from church.

They removed her appendix with the lap. procedure. She's awake but groggy - and obviously there's still pain.

The doctors were big dummy heads and let her go without pain meds for an hour before the surgery, so she's ticked off at them. Also, she told them when she went in last Wed that she thought it was her appendix, but they "ruled that out" with the tests. Mmmm hmm - how's that workin' for ya?

I digress ... Barbie is ok. The worst is over. Recovering from a lap surgery is a lot easier than being stuck in a hospital for a week in exrutiating pain.

She should be home within a couple of days and telling you the rest of the story.

Thank you SO much for your prayers, I know it means the world to her. (And also to me, because I love her so much!) You all rock!

Please pray for Barbie

Hey Y'all ... this is Jesica. Barbie's talked about me before. Sometimes she calls me Bald Chick.

I'm posting today to ask you all to pray for Barbie. She was having severe pain in the side/abdomen on Wednesday. She took herself to the ER. She was admitted. She's been there ever since. She's having MUCH much pain and quite a bit of nausea.

They don't know what is causing the pain. They've run a mess of tests and come up with nothing.

Sometime tomorrow, they'll be going in laparoscopically to poke around and see if they can find the problem. "Exploratory surgery" doesn't sound like much fun to me, but they can't find a source for the pain in any of the tests they've run. And they've run a LOT.

Please be praying that they find the reason for all the pain she's having, and can fix it quickly and easily. Barbie needs to be better, pain free, and home with her kids. Like NOW. So would you please join me in praying for a complete and speedy healing.

Thank you!

Prayer Request

This beautiful family needs your prayers. They had a baby in late August and on Sept 8th they found a cyst in her brain...Moms not the baby! She has undergone two surgeries since then and she is still in the hospital. They are amazing people of faith but understandably they are weary right now...this is where WE come in as the body of Christ! I know her Mommy heart wants to be home with her newborn and three young children. I know Pastor Matt wants his wife not to hurt. They know God's Word and they are standing on it so I am asking you to join us in praying for COMPLETE healing. She has had problems with short term memory and yesterday they turned off the drain and hoped that it wouldn't leak or cause more pressure...well, this morning he text messaged me that the left side was leaking from the tube and they had to sutcher it closed...now they have to wait 2-3 days...they are trying to avoid putting in a shunt..bottom line is we need TOTAL healing. Thankfully we serve a God that heals!! So I am asking you to join me in praying for Matt and Cheryl...we KNOW God can heal and we are all standing on that! Thanks for praying also! Lets storm the gates of heaven and watch the hand of God move!! And I am thanking God for His answer because I believe that Cheryl will be healed 100% and will suffer no long term effects.

Where the past catches up with me.....

WOW!! Who knew my past would follow me 25 yrs and 1284 miles later??!! Yesterday I was talking to the new guy at work while we were all in the break room...he mentioned he was a Floridian so I asked him where he was from and he said "Florida"....lol I kind of figured that but refrained from saying DUH!! :-) I asked where in Florida and explained that I was born and raised there. We kept talking and things were like really similar and then he mentioned what schools he went too and I was like "HEY! ME TOO!!"...the only problem is in my head I am still VERY young so there was NO WAY I attended school with this older man with a head full of gray hair...yeah yeah mine would be too if it wasn't for my hair dresser...STILL I am not that old;-) We DID go to school together and the worst part is once he knew that I was Barbie from that school he remembered my maiden name!! AND ME!! Then he announced to everyone that I was the BIG BULLY! It isn't something I hide because I mentioned it here high school but omword it has been 25 yrs!! I was in 8th grade!! That was the year I started attending church and eventually got saved but not at the beginning of the year when I guess I made an impression...I KNOW I was a bully! So today I brought my yearbook from 8th grade and we showed everyone...it's so funny how much the 80s have come back!! And every one seems to think it was SO FUNNY that *I* was a bully... I am thankful that people don't see me like that now because Jesus changed that part...YES I am STILL sarcastic and slightly ornery at times but I would NEVER EVER try to hurt someones feelings... not on purpose...I am quick to speak and I don't always have a "filter" but I am not mean...So today I realized that your past CAN find you and I am also thankful that

2 Corinthians 5
17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

The Men in My Life!

One of the things I LOVE about my church is they are our family...not just mine but to everyone that walks through the doors! I don't think there IS a friendlier church! They are always doing stuff in the community and at the school I work with...things like this! How amazing is that??!!
And they do it expecting NOTHING in return..it is just a ministry:-)
When I moved here I remember wanting to find a church that we could be involved in so my children would have a support system in place...I knew I couldn't raise them alone.. I mean cmon I moved here with 3 kids ON FAITH with NO family for 1200 miles!....you know some days I think about that fact and wonder who that person was lol For those who truly know me it is so far out of my character it isn't even funny! I don't even like to make a decision about where to eat for dinner when I go out with friends! I am the laid back one that is content to do whatever! Anyway, I love that the men are involved in my children's lives...I love that when the church has "Guy Night" that someone invites my boys...I love that when a family goes hiking they involve my children...I love that when my daughter has a "Dads and Donuts" thing at school that she feels comfortable enough to ask a friends dh...I love that! I love that my children enjoy church so much and can feel that same love that I do. I love that when I don't know what to do with a growing teenager I have a youth pastor that will take him to lunch so they can talk man to man...that stuff is PRICELESS and so important. I don't think they will ever know how much they all mean to us but check out my daughters face in this picture...this is her with her "Pops" and she couldn't have been more proud to bring him in place of her Dad..these are memories they are making with my children and I couldn't ask for anything more! I am so blessed!!

Sunday's Song

HAPPY 9th BIRTHDAY!

Edited to add pics at bottom from shopping trip lol

**************************

Surprise pregnancy

DVT from groin to back of knee

heparin pump in belly or leg...whichever had fewer bruises

31 weeks of bedrest

on a mattress in the living room

2 little ones...5 1/2yo and 2 1/2 yo

1 hr 45 min of INTENSE labor with MUCH drama

broken tailbone cuz her hand was above her head...silly girl!!

SO WORTH IT!

Here is my beautiful daughter that is here only by the grace of God:-)

To God be ALL the glory!!

See doctors don't know everything...they advised me to abort

Hmmp look what I would have missed out on!

Ok we are off to have a girls night with a friend from church:-)

I will try to take pictures of both of them in their element...SHOPPING lol

Happy 9th Birthday baby girl!!

Ok we are back! We went out to eat salad since that is my dd favorite food. Then we shopped till the stores closed.

Oh my word my daughter is a born shopper...I am not.

BUT I have a dear friend/mentor/sister that LOVES to shop! I am going to give you a face and name so I don't have to type in friend/mentor/sister anymore lol

Introducing Emily and my friend, Cheryl

Here they are at Old Navy looking pretty serious about CLOTHES...what could possibly be serious about clothing? Who knew there were so many rules and colors lol I think I heard my daughter is a winter:-) What that means I have no clue lol

They stopped long enough to pose for me...both of them are HUGE hams!!

This is them in the dressing room at JC Penneys

SEE! They are ready to strike a pose anytime!

My daughter had a great time and Cheryl just loves to shop lol And I love spending time with both of them:-) Now just 88 shopping days till MY birthday and I will let you know where I register...just kidding! (ok Jesi that was for you lol)

Politics

This will be the only thing I say about politics on my blog....at least I think it is:-)

Actually I will just include this link because it speaks for itself
Sarah Palin Speaks To Wasilla Assembly of God

Red Rock Canyon

Have you ever done something and realized you aren't as young as you used to be?? That is how I felt the morning after Labor Day lol The kids and I met a family from church at Red Rock Canyon State Park - Oklahoma Parks, Resorts & Golf They had been camping there for the weekend and we just went to hike and join them for lunch on Monday. The kids had a BLAST! Oh my word they were in heaven! I just enjoy being with people so you know I had fun BUT I am also TERRIFIED of heights! It is one of the many reasons I am in Oklahoma because it is FLAT like Florida...well, most of what I have seen is;-) Anyway, we went on this hike and I am thinking it will be just a hike...you know like in the woods...on flat ground but NO...it was like THISAnd this

in case you were wondering if this was safe...here's your sign

Yes that says serious injury and DEATH! Did I mention I am an over protective Mom?? No comments from the peanut gallery...and you know who you are!

Anyway, the kids and *I* were exhausted when we left but I had to drive so this is what they did:-)

Rambling all the way to Nowhere:-)

I know I keep disappearing and I get quiet and quiet has NEVER been a word to describe me! Ok Jesi and Merci you can stop laughing!! I promise I wasn't purposely being quiet..I have just been very reflective lately and my online time has taken a backseat. I still go online to look up scriptures because http://www.biblegateway.com/ is one of my favorite websites! I have a friend/mentor/sister that challenges me to grow in my walk with Christ so there are encouraging emails full of scripture that go back and forth and I need the internet for the different versions..... and I pay my bills online;-) I just haven't done the regular "how are you doing?" emails because I can't....There are soooooo many things going on in my heart right now and I am trying to sort them all out. I keep telling myself that this is nothing God can't handle and I know He will....in His time:-) My job is just to trust Him. It is scary when something happens to rock your world but in another way it shows you what you believe in and who you will trust in a crisis. I quickly found out where I stand:-/ Again I wish I could say I handle stress with grace but I don't. I have issues with trust and as much as I try NOT to live by feelings there are days that I still do. I am a work in progress but I am getting better! I can actually see progress and that is a good thing! I wasted a couple of weeks living by feelings until a dear friend gave me some tough love. She is that Proverbs 17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend type of friend. I am SOOO thankful that she doesn't allow pit dwelling or negative speech to come out of my mouth or I might still be there. I am also thankful for friends that call and make me laugh..I so miss you Jesi!!! Now instead of pit dwelling I am filling my mind with the promises of God and standing on that. One of the things that I am praying comes out of all of this is that my love walk with others will be stronger. I have learned how invaluable my friends are and how thankful I am for my church family. I have seen people be the body of Christ in ways I can't describe. One of the things that has blessed me so much is when someone sees what MY love language is and meets me there. I am complicated because I don't show love the way that I feel loved so some people get confused as to what my actual love language is. I show love by words of affirmation or doing for others (acts of service) or with gifts but I FEEL loved with quality time. I don't need gifts or words and I don't need people to do for me...I just enjoy being with people. I don't get drained in a crowd...I get recharged! Anyway, all that to say I do appreciate everyone's concern but I will be fine...I am just working out some things with God...In fact, that is going to be my focus for the next three weeks because I am starting a DANIEL FAST on Tuesday ...why am I doing this you ask?? For one there are some breakthroughs I am praying for in my life and in the life of someone I feel called to intercede for and I believe it is in Matthew 17 that some things only come by prayer and fasting....AND I am also doing it because I have a muslim friend at work that starts her one month fast and out of respect for her a few of us are doing a modified version....I know I am not muslim but we have had a some in depth conversations about our beliefs and I am hoping this will open the door for some more. Also back in March I read this verse

1 Corinthians 9
19-23Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

and realized I have seen this verse in action. I have been taught to figure out peoples personalities and love languages so that I can meet them at their level also. This is a sermon I have seen lived out over and over and over!!! So being the good student I am:::beam::::I am going to try and meet her at her level and share my Jesus in the process:-) See why I am thankful for the people God has placed in my life that challenge me to grow closer to God?? I truly am blessed.

Thanks again for the prayers and the concern. I appreciate them more than you know! Enjoy your holiday weekend. I need to get little ones to bed because we are meeting a family from church in Red Rock Canyon tomorrow...that is if I don't get lost! ;-)

Sing with me!!

Hebrews 13:15-16 (New International Version)
15Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. 16And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Notice it says with our LIPS give praise??!! It doesn't say with our feelings or heart or thoughts or any of that other stuff..it says a sacrifice of praise so I guess it wouldn't be a sacrifice if we felt like it:-) So get up and turn up your speakers and praise my Jesus with me...He is awesome:-)

Where did I go??

I know that is the question of the week lol I am here. My life has been INSANE this last month...kids came home, moved to a new home, school started with 3 kids in 3 different schools with 3 different bus routes! All of that makes for a stressful month for ANYone...add in the fact I am a single mom and some personal problems and I have been hanging on by a thread. I wish I could say I handle stress with grace but that wouldn't be truthful:-) I DO know where to go when I am hurting and I know He will always love me...warts and all:-) I don't think I will EVER understand why bad things happen but we aren't promised lives without problems...in fact, we are told there WILL be tribulation! I just have to quit listening to myself and the lies of the enemy and start talking back with the Word. I do know I am thankful for a church that preaches the Word and friends that live it...I am thankful for friends that don't listen when you try to push them away because you want to hurt alone...I am thankful for friends that literally drag you down to the altar because they know there is hope even when you can't see past the pain....I am thankful for friends that just love me and a God that will never leave me or forsake me even when I ask the hard questions and get angry. God loves us ALL that much!

For all of those who have called or emailed (even though I didn't answer) I APPRECIATED your prayers so much! I can't tell you how much it helped knowing that people were praying even if they didn't know why...God heard and I am beginning to see the light again:-)

Parents

My kids have been home a week now and I have spent the last week getting things done for school. I HATE waiting till the last minute but my kids have been in Florida all summer! To add to my stress my youngest will be at a different elementary school even though we live in the same zip code lol She is SOOOO excited but *I was NOT thrilled about having to go to the enrollment office...I did this two years ago when I moved here.....oh yeah on Aug 1st I was here TWO YEARS!! Can you believe that??!! Let me tell you God is soooo good!! I also changed the address for the other two while I was there and found out the new bus routes. The kids are beyond thrilled about our new home. In the past week I have taken them for hair cuts...can you believe they went ALL summer without them?!! Oh my word they looked scruffy! I also spent a lot of time shopping for shoes, clothes, backpacks etc. Every time I would pay I would think about the fact my parents had SEVEN of us! How could they afford 7 kids at school time?? I am struggling with just 3!! I thought about calling my parents to tell them thanks but here are the conversations I have had with them today...my parents lol not my kids:-) First my Mom left a voicemail on my cell that said "pick up...cmon pick up...I am not hanging up till you do...." ummmm Mom it isn't an answering machine;-) Then just now my Dad called my house and started asking me what I was doing. I told him we were home to eat dinner and then we were going swimming at a friends house. He acted busy and said "here talk to your Mother"...ok....so my Mom gets on the phone and asks me what I was doing and I told her the same stuff and she says..."call me back later cuz I need to put these groceries away and I am busy"....umm Mom YOU called ME lol She says "I didn't call you ! _____ did you call her?"....Anyway, there is no point to this post but I had to tell someone that my parents are insane;-) I never did get to thank them but after today I am thinking that school shopping causes you to lose brain cells. I know because at the store today I stopped in the middle and asked my kids what I was doing because I was so frazzled! So NOT kidding! Then at one point I told them we weren't there to look at toys...I was on a mission and several Moms laughed out loud so I guess I am not alone...school shopping IS stressful!!